Category: Mom Jokes

A guy goes inside the confessional  and says: “Bless me, Father, for I have  sinned.” “What did you do, my  son?” “Yesterday I was walking along the  beach at night, and I decided to explore a cave near the shore. When I  turned on my flashlight, I saw two men having  sex.” “Oh, so you…

Alabamians will truly understand the humor here. The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States. A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Birmingham and asks, “So, Dad, I assume you will becoming to my inauguration? “I don’t think so. It’s…

My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl give him a hand job. I said “Son, that’s three this year. You’d better stop before they don’t let you teach anywhere.” [In honor of Breaking Bad’s return.]

On his death bed, a husband found himself calling for his wife. “I have to confess something to you, honey, before it’s too late.” “It’s fine,” his wife said. “You don’t have to confess anything.” “No, I do. I screwed your sister, your cousin, your best friend, your best friend’s sister, their mother, your female…

[A riddle, see if you can solve] You’re on a horse, galloping at a constant speed… On your right side is a constant drop off. On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake…

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father’ The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like…

A woman was having a daytime affair with her boyfriend. One rainy day she heard her husband pull up outside while she was in bed with him. “Oh my God, it’s him. You have to get out of here!” “I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!” “My husband’s got a hot temper…

The last penny A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.. The boy…

A politician dropped by the local elementary school to explain how taxes worked. He called Johnny up to the front of the class, and asked if he had any lunch money. Johnny said yes and pulled out four quarters. The politician took one of the quarters from Johnny and said “The government takes this money…

“THE DEAF BOOKKEEPER”   A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks.   His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.  …

An elderly couple come into a seasoned marital therapist’s office. The therapist asks “So what seems to be the issues in your relationship?” The woman immediately began rattling off a laundry list of offenses: “He doesn’t pay enough attention to me. He doesn’t kiss me like he used to. He doesn’t help out around the…

A redneck was walking home late one night and noticed a woman in the shadows. “Twenty dollars,” she whispers. Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but he figures “what the heck” it’s only twenty bucks. They’re hiding in the bushes for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on…

A tough looking group of bikers were riding along when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a rough burly ex-con, gets off his bike and says “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide” she says. While he didn’t want to appear insensitive, he didn’t…