MONDAY The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He…
Category: Mom Jokes
Mom Jokes: Moms in Group Therapy
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second Mom: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in…
Mom Jokes: Catholic Heart Attack
Catholic Heart Attack A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the…
Mom Jokes
An old guy not in the best of shape was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy and beautiful young woman. He asked the nearby trainer, “What machine should I use in here to impress that cute young thing over there with the great body?” The trainer looked him up and down…
Mom Jokes: A Woman’s Diary Vs. a Man’s Diary
Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t…
Mom Jokes
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good…
Mom Jokes, Resending the Best Joke My Mom Emailed Me Last Week
Quick Hits, Daddy Issues A boy walks into the room his father is reading the newspaper in. He says “Dad, I want to be in organized crime when I get older.” The dad says “Health insurance or oil?” A boy asked his father “Where do babies come from?” Confused and unsure how to answer it,…
Mom Jokes: Battle of the Sexes
How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. What food has been scientifically proven to diminish a woman’s sex drive? A wedding cake. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care. Why is the laundry mat a bad place to pick up women? Because a woman…
Mom Jokes: Resending the Best Joke My Mom Emailed Me That Week
Employee : Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss : Sure, come on in. What can I do for you? Employee : Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss : Yes. Employee : I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise….
Mom Jokes: Next Season on Survivor
Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show? Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district’s curriculum, and a class of 20-25 students. Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled…
Mom Jokes: Resending the Best Joke My Mom Sent to Me Last Week
A Wish To Live Forever I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said. “Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!” “Fine,” I said, “then I want to die after Wisconsin’s Congress gets their heads out of their asses!” “You…
Mom Jokes: Traveling Through Arizona
I was traveling between Phoenix and Ajo the other day south of Gila Bend when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town. The first vehicle to stop was an old…
Mom Jokes, resending the best joke my mom emailed me last week:
A woman walks into a bridal shop to pick out a wedding dress for her fourth wedding. She tells the store clerk she wants a white wedding gown. The store clerk, delicately, tries to inform her that white wedding dresses are more for virgins than women on their fourth marriage. The woman is furious and…