A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC . Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them…
Category: Mom Jokes
Mom Jokes: 9 Months Later
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ‘I realize…
Mom Jokes: Quick Hits
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse. Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?…
Mom Joke: How’s Norma?
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said,”I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?” The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.” The operator replied, “Let…
Mom Jokes: Thanksgiving
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each…
Mom Joke: Three Quick Marriage Jokes
A man goes to a shrink and says, ‘Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?’ ‘Relax,’ says the Doctor, ‘take a deep breath and calm…
Mom Jokes: How Bad is the Economy?
The Recession has hit everybody > I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. > Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries. > CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. > Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. > A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she…
Mom Jokes: Country Doctor
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, ‘I’ve been a little sick to my…
Mom Jokes: Love and Marriage
A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. …
Mom Jokes: Grandparent’s Answering Machine
Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep. If you are one of our children, press 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of “birth order” so we know who it is. If you need us…
Mom Jokes: The Lecture
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 am. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.” The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this…
Mom Jokes: The Veterinarian
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on…
Mom Jokes
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her….