This may not be the most relevant thing to talk about two weeks before the Iowa primary, but I just get so infuriated when people say “Well, Hillary raised more money than Trump—so money can’t buy victory.” I absolutely HATE when Republicans keep bringing up that Clinton raised more money than Trump, and I have… Read More »
Dear Santa, I hope you and Mrs. Claus are doing well. [What is her name by the way? She should have a name. I want to recommend “Ashanti Claus.”] Hopefully, all is well with the North Pole–which I hear is suffering heavily from climate crisis–and bless the Elf Labor Union as well. It may seem… Read More »
[Note about spoilers: There are only the vaguest possible spoilers for the series finale–and all season four spoilers are only in the first two paragraphs. This article isn’t about that.] “Mr. Robot” is hands-down the most audacious Drama on television (sorry Damon Lindelof, I know you try). Any given episode can feature head trips, fake… Read More »
4:58 p.m….Are you ready for some debaaaaate! CNN literally says “Debate Pre-Show…Moments Away: Democrats Face Off in High-Stakes Debate.” Ohhhhh…dramatic. 4:59 p.m. We’re seeing live footage of the candidates scribbling notes at the podium. Riveting stuff 5:01 p.m. An introduction of the moderators, who I have never heard of… 5:01 p.m. Introducing the candidates–who are… Read More »
This seems like a strange question to ask on the day after Trump became only the third U.S. President to be impeached, and most people are so terrified of this possibility they might secretly curse me just for speaking it into existence. Please understand that I’m not saying he’ll be reelected and I damn sure… Read More »
Okay, so Tulsi Gabbard isn’t even remotely in the top 5, and if you want serious predictions, please check out the other articles in this series… –Dosvedanya comrades. “I can see Russia from my White House…because this is Putin’s summer home.” Vladimir Putin would very quickly reabsorb Ukraine, and Gabbard wouldn’t lift a finger to… Read More »
This is probably the biggest mystery of all the candidates. While Warren and Bernie have been crystal clear about most of their progressive plans, and center-leftist Biden has given every indication of what he’ll do (hint: not much), Buttigieg is taking a slightly more mysterious, Clinton-esque route. He has detailed, pragmatic plans on most things… Read More »
We’ve covered Biden, Bernie, Bloomberg, and now it’s time for someone whose name doesn’t have a B in it. Since my dearly departed Kamala Harris, Warren is now the sole woman in the race who actually has a chance at winning. Let’s take a look at what her winning would mean… –Crazy, batshit over-reactions from… Read More »
Well, now that Kamala Harris is out of the race, Michael Bloomberg is technically “in the top 5” of Democratic candidates…and a deal is a deal, I’ll now talk a little bit about what an extremely-unlikely Michael Bloomberg Presidency would look like… –No surprise, the “Great Bi-Partisan Dream” Does Not Materialize. The single biggest selling… Read More »
After looking at what a Joe Biden presidency (and then a Kamala Harris presidency) would actually look like–it’s time to look at the rest of the Democratic “Top 5.” Do I think Bernie will actually be the nominee? No, but crazier things have happened… –His fans would be extremely disappointed. “There are only two tragedies… Read More »