Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on: First surgeon: I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. Second surgeon: You should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded. Third surgeon: No, I really think librarians are the…
Category: Mom Jokes
Mom Jokes: Are You From Scotland or Wales?
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking. Their accents sounded Scottish to me, and I approached them and asked, “Hi! Are you three lassies from Scotland?” One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, you bloody idiot!” So I apologized to them, replying, “I am so very sorry!…
Mom Jokes: Overpopulation…
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to…
Mom Jokes: My Trip to the Store
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down facing me.” Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally…
Mom Jokes: The Trooper
A North Carolina State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car parked in the local lovers’ lane with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer…
Mom Jokes: Great Philosophers on Marriage
“I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.”–Sigmund Freud “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”–Socrates “The question I’ve often asked but never answered is ‘exactly what does a woman want?’”–Dumas “When a…
Mom Jokes: Don’t Use Your Cell Phone in Public
After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart it’s Eric, I’m on…
Mom Jokes: Older Employee Notice
Older Employee Notice! Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons…
Mom Joke: A Real Corny One
A camper brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, but your dog has passed away.” “What?”…
Mom Jokes: The Alphabet Wife
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, “You’re an alphabet wife ….. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asks … “What the hell does that mean?” He said,”Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous,…
Mom Jokes
A collection of quick hits, some good, and some groaners (they can’t all work people…sorry about the North Carolina one). Florida A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair…
Mom Jokes: Shaving Ball
An eighty year old man went to the barbershop and complained that his cheeks were too sunken-in and wrinkly to get a clean shave on them. The barber reached for a metal ball and told the old man to put it in his cheek to smooth it out for a shave. “Hey, that works terrific!”…
Mom Joke: The Golfer
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. “I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!” “Oh God no!” cries…