Category Archives: Mom Jokes

Mom Jokes: The Local Lawyer

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like… Read More »

Mom Jokes: The World’s Most Important Man

Elon Musk, The Dalai Lama, and a junkie are traveling in a small plane. Suddenly, the plane shudders and shakes, and all goes quiet. The pilot comes into the cabin and announces “We have an engine failure and are about to crash. We have only three parachutes and I’m taking one. You three sort out… Read More »

When British Actors Play Southern Roles

Featuring The Walking Dead’s Andrew Lincoln, Billion’s Damian Lewis, Tom Hardy, Sons of Anarchy’s Charlie Hunnam, and Sir Lawrence Cableton (“Larry the Cable Guy”). As seen in a “Selma,” “Hacksaw Ridge,” “Preacher,” “Genius,” “Cold Mountain,” “12 Years a Slave,” “I Saw the Light,” and a million other fucking examples…

Mom Jokes: Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA… Read More »

FINAL Mom Joke (of the Day): Will the Senator Choose Heaven or Hell?

Note: I’ve posted this one years ago, but it felt only right to close out the day of Mom Jokes (the glorious return) with one of my favorites.  A recently-deceased senator’s soul was outside the pearly gates of heaven. A representative from Saint Peter’s office came out to greet him and explain his decision. “You… Read More »