Love is Blind Joel and Linda met while on a singles cruise and Joel fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, he was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Joel had taken…
Category: Mom Jokes
Mom Jokes: Cooter and Gomer
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp. They were inseparable. Cooter…
Alabama Apocalypse
Since the Apocalypse is all the rage in pop culture right now… A senior citizen in Alabama was overheard saying “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Alabama.“ When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Alabama ’cause every thang in Alabama happens 20 years later than in…
Mom Jokes: Hell of a Day
[Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there!] There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, watcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come…
Mom Jokes: Tax Day
WHEN NASA FIRST STARTED SENDING UP ASTRONAUTS, THEY QUICKLY DISCOVERED THAT BALL-POINT PENS WOULD NOT WORK IN ZERO GRAVITY. TO COMBAT THIS PROBLEM, NASA SCIENTISTS SPENT A DECADE AND $12 MILLION DEVELOPING A PEN THAT WRITES IN ZERO GRAVITY, UPSIDE DOWN, ON ALMOST ANY SURFACE INCLUDING GLASS AND AT TEMPERATURES RANGING FROM BELOW FREEZING TO OVER 300 C. THE…
Mom Jokes: Psychology and Law
A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!!!” All of the students in the library started staring at the guy. He was very embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the…
Mom Jokes: Gynecologist’s Assistant
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver , Colorado , and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to…
Mom Jokes: Winter Windows
Husband texts wife on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen.” Wife texts back: “Pour some lukewarm water over it.” Husband texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer completely screwed up now.”
Mom Jokes: Weather Update
Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Cape Cod. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look …
Mom Jokes: Dogs Welcome
For the dog lovers… A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in…
A Day of Mom Jokes Begins with “An Accidental Pregnancy”
An 18-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want…
Mom Jokes: Gun Control
Since Obama’s trying to get rid of the guns, I decided to drive out to my local hunting store and stock up on new guns and ammunition. Once I’m ready to pay the young cashier says “Strip down, facing me.” Well, I was outraged that they would search me naked like this. I was complying,…
Mom Jokes: The Medium
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.” Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman’s …