Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss (yep, that’s a real name) said he’s not for gay marriage because “I’m not gay, so I’m not going to marry one.” Brilliant logic there Chambliss. In fact, I’m not a Hindu, so I don’t believe in Hindu marriage, I’m not an alien so I don’t believe in alien life, and…
Category: Petty Issues
Petty Issues: NASCAR’s First Black Female Driver, Swift vs. Fey, Baldwin vs. Lebouf, and Chris Brown Shows His Ass Once Again
Tia Norfleet has been promoting herself as NASCAR’s first female driver, and now there’s a controversy because NASCAR is “uncomfortable” with that label since Tia hasn’t actually competed in a top-tier race or finished a second-tier one. So let me get this straight…a pr-ready, very attractive driver wants to try to make NASCAR look a…
Petty Issues: #Brennan Faces Scrutiny, #LAPD on the Run, #nyfw, and #CIA
An ex-LAPD officer is on the run after a shooting… Brennan faces scrutiny on the large number of U.S. drone strikes… It’s Fashion Week in New York… And the CIA is (once again) in the news for a kill list. [Something that people on Twitter think is news because, apparently, they retain the ability to…
Petty Issues: Rafaeli Kisses a Nerd, Selena Hears Reality, and is The White Rabbit Racist?
Bar Rafaeli (and I guess I could look up the right way to spell her name if I really cared) kissed a fat nerd on a Super Bowl commercial and everyone thought it was the worst thing in the world. I still don’t get the “outrage” over this commercial except that, clearly, more people think…
Petty Issues: Obama’s Popular Again, Coca-Cola Isn’t, China Takes it Personal, and a Pastor is a Real Asshole
A new poll shows that Obama is at his highest popularity rating since 2009, his first year in office. There’s no real joke here (unless you want to say “Suck it Bush”) but it is nice to see a return to reality. Despite the best brainwashing attempts of Republicans, it looks like people finally remember…
Romney is World’s Sorest Loser, Spain Officially Sucks, Beyonce Fakes It…
Spain’s unemployment rate shot to 26 percent this week. That means 1 in 4 people are actively looking for a job and can’t find one. This news was startling to me, since I had no idea Spain is still a country. I thought they had already been bought and sold by Coca-Cola, and their economic…
Petty Issues: You’ll Just Have to Click Inside to Find Out (and, You Know, Clicking On an Ad Wouldn’t Kill You)
[Note About the Title: I kid, I kid…sort-of…] The FBI arrested 30 Italian mobsters in New York this week, in connection with their “grip” on the waste-disposal business. Yeah, that’s great FBI, once again you’ve shit on a mob that barely exists anymore…now how about some Russian organized crime and maybe, you know, some hispanic…
Petty Issues: Musburger Gets Boner, Gingrich Loves Snooki, Piers Morgan Deported, and Other Awesome Stories
Famous Alabamian in the News: Katherine Webb. After crusty old Brent Musburger practically got a boner on national television talking about how hot she is at the national championship game, Webb (who is a former Miss Alabama USA and the current girlfriend of Alabama’s quarterback…but for how long? AJ seems to get awfully touchy every time…
Petty Issues: Kardashian’s Pregnant, Hillary Clinton’s Admired, and 5 Men Sue Alcohol Company for Shitty Lives
Kim Kardashian announced she was pregnant on New Year’s Day. Just the way we all want to start the year off…Maybe the Mayans were off by a few months. Hillary Clinton tops a recent Gallup of the Most Admired Women in the world. She has now won this title 17 times and broken the record…
Petty Issues: Better Late Than Never
Why didn’t I make a Petty Issues list sooner? I don’t know. Maybe I thought the world would end and I wouldn’t have to fool with it. Anyway… Tim Tebow to be traded to the Jaguars. “Finally, the worst quarterback in the NFL is on the worst team in the NFL!”—–says, no one. This will…
Petty Issues: Bad Barbies, Golden Globe Nominations, Syria’s President, and, of course, Kanye West
Kanye West wore a leather skirt to a charity event for Hurricane Sandy victims…proving that there is such a thing as bad charity. [Point, Republicans.] And he also brought his girlfriend Kim Kardashian with him, come on guys, haven’t the people of New York suffered enough? Screen Actor’s Guild nominations were announced yesterday, and, inexplicably, The Expendables…
Petty Issues: Bad Quotes, Fake Quotes, and Great Quotes
Bret Easton Ellis says Katherine Bigelow is “overrated” because she’s hot…Too bad no one has ever called Bret Easton Ellis hot, sour grapes much? “Boy that Jennifer Garner just can’t make a bad movie.”—-No one, ever “Dis Nigg@ loves Bart Simpson”—-Rihanna, as she tweets a picture of Chris Brown’s bedroom with Bart Simpson sheets…Rihanna is,…
Petty Issues: Sure Signs You’re in the South
5. You know you’re getting closer to the south as the people at each airport get progressively fatter, and those motorized carts (that are supposed to be used to carry the disabled) are really just used to give rides to fifty/sixty year old fat people that don’t want to walk from terminal A to terminal…