Spain’s unemployment rate shot to 26 percent this week. That means 1 in 4 people are actively looking for a job and can’t find one. This news was startling to me, since I had no idea Spain is still a country. I thought they had already been bought and sold by Coca-Cola, and their economic problems were over.
St. Tropez (the lotion company hoping to drum up buzz for their new anti-aging lotion) released a totally scientific study that said women look their oldest at 3:30 p.m. on a Wednesday. I can’t wait for Burger King to release their survey telling us when Americans look the fattest.
Django Unchained’s slavery action figures are banned from being sold on E-Bay…Yet more bad news for my struggling Anne Frank action figure line.
Runner-Up Asshole of the Week: Beyonce. First people praised Beyonce for singing a “terrific” version of the Star Spangled Banner…then it was revealed that she lip-sang the whole thing. This is only surprising for the 15 people in the world who still believe Beyonce can sound “terrific” without five hours in a recording studio. BUT DON’T WORRY, she had a good excuse, apparently she was just too busy to rehearse…Uhhh, too busy to rehearse for the fucking inauguration? Well, it’s not like it’s too important or anything…It’s only the re-election of the first black president on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, you know, nothing an African-American artist would just really want to practice for…
Asshole and Sorest Loser of the Week: Mitt Romney didn’t attend the inauguration this week, becoming the first losing presidential candidate since Michael Dukakis in 1988 to not attend the inauguration. Even worse? He had no excuse. Whereas neither of the former Bush presidents attended, at least they could cite the first President Bush’s declining health. Mitt Romney just didn’t go because he didn’t feel like it——–the inauguration was even on a holiday, so there’s really no excuse——meaning that even Obama’s inauguration couldn’t get bipartisan support.