Category: The Fast Food Critic

So today I bend the rules yet again in the interests of chasing my pet obsession: Cheetos. Like Captain Ahab gunning down Moby Dick at the expense of his life, I chase down these orange twisters of petrified fat at the expense of health, personal relationships, and sanity. There’s something terrible about Cheetos which is…

Reviewing Zaxby’s might have limited appeal for the majority of Alabama Liberal’s readers (who aren’t from, don’t live in, and have never stepped foot in Alabama). That’s because the chain doesn’t exist outside the Southeast. They have a handful of locations in Indiana, but other than that, the popular chain is confined East of Texas…

I’m not going to be exactly unbiased about this one. If you were to come up and ask me about Dairy Queen Blizzards I would probably tell you they’re incredible. And then you would probably say “That’s great, but I was asking you about the weather, not Dairy Queen Blizzards.” At which point I might…

If you live in an area that has a Sonic–the drive in themed fast food restaurant where you pull up to an individual speaker, park, and order–you’ve probably seen a commercial for the chain’s new hot dogs that promise to be a “taste of America.” I guess that means that the one hot dog that…

This week’s theme of Freedom has me thinking about the most sacred of America’s fast food: McDonald’s fries. People acknowledge that McDonald’s burgers taste like old tire treads and McDonald’s itself seems to shrug that off (“Hey, your kid wants a happy meal with a little fucking toy made in China, so blow us and…

Today I take a cheat in a way by reviewing something that isn’t technically fast food. Still, since I don’t do this feature most weeks, a cheat is better than nothing. The item today is the internal scourge of the movie theater: theater popcorn. It’s greasy, it’s smothered in enough salt to cure a ham…

New York is known for their pizza (the city of New York, the state of New York is more known for roasted squirrel and living in tundra conditions 9 months out of the year that no rational person would), so it’s only right to stack it up against former FFC champs like Pizza Hut Loaded…

Today brings something new to The Fast Food Critic. First, we get to do a crossover with a TV Review I ran a few weeks back for America’s Next Great Restaurant, NBC’s reality competition to see who could make a restaurant that Chipotle founder, Judge, and uber bitch Steve Ells (who looks and acts like…

As I mentioned way back as rule 1 of eating unhealthy: If something has more than a handful of words (think So&So’s bacon ranch chicken cheesy poppers) it almost definitely isn’t healthy. You don’t need more than that to say “Caesar” and “Salad” or even “sandwich.” So today brings Pizza Hut’s Ultimate Stuffed Crust Pizza,…

This is a little unusual for the Fast Food Critic for three reasons: 1. This feature has been benched for about a month so welcome back everyone! 2. We are covering a fast food item that’s actually somewhat healthy, 3. In keeping with the Obama week theme, I sort of grasp at straws to tie…

Two words: KFC. Buffet. That’s what select KFC’s across the country have (although I have only seen about 5 in Alabama and nowhere else), so of course the only real question is: Why am I just now reviewing it. The buffet I went to had the usual suspects: friend chicken greasy enough to mop a…

A few decades ago Dave Thomas of Wendy’s fame starred in commercials not just to unnerve us with his resemblance to a sex offender, but to ask his fast food competition “Where’s the beef?” Of course Dave later died of a heart attack from asking that question one too many times while gorging Wendy’s triple…

Note from last week: I now believe it was NOT subway that made me sick. So apologies Subway, but that sandwich was still disgusting and unhealthy. Anyway, this week is media issues week and there is no better food to cover than Dominos pizza which last year launched the rarest marketing campaign of all: commercials…