Reviewing Zaxby’s might have limited appeal for the majority of Alabama Liberal’s readers (who aren’t from, don’t live in, and have never stepped foot in Alabama). That’s because the chain doesn’t exist outside the Southeast. They have a handful of locations in Indiana, but other than that, the popular chain is confined East of Texas and South of anywhere you’ve ever been before.
Anyway, I’m a fan of the Georgia-started fa(s)t food chicken joint. Their wings are good, salads are good, sandwiches are good, and most people like their chicken fingers. Still, how healthy is this place? Well…even seeing it here should tell you the answer to that.
While You’re Eating It: The Wings & Things plate includes three chicken fingers, three chicken wings in whatever flavor you want so I get Teriyaki, a piece of toast, fries, a coca-cola, some dipping sauce, and a what-the-fuck? celery added on for shits and giggles. As you you eat it you can’t get it in your mouth fast enough.
After You’re Done: You scrape the plate wondering why they put so few wings and/or chicken fingers in it. A feeling a lot like immediately coming down off crack cocaine takes hold of you as you wonder what–if anything–you can use to get your necessary 500 percent daily salt/trans fat intake. An hour later you feel like someone rolled you in grease.
Impotence Level: High enough to stop John Edwards from having any more babies (Oh, if only Elizabeth Edwards had known about Zaxby’s!). Everything on this plate has more salt than you should get in a day and the chicken fingers feel covered in it.
Heart Attack Level on a Scale of 1 to 5: 3. People make the mistake of thinking anything with “chicken” (or what would pass for chicken at an industrial plant) in it is healthy, well it isn’t. Chicken and other poultry can be just as bad as red meat and Zaxby’s helpfully illustrates that.