Am I wrong for liking this movie as much as I did? I’m not the biggest lover of nature documentaries out there, in fact, I can’t make it through one without falling asleep, but I really enjoyed this one. What Works: This thing is as interesting as it possibly could be. Samuel L. Jackson provides…
Category: Mindless Mondays
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Something Borrowed, Something Shitty
I saw the movie Something Borrowed this weekend…wait, stop throwing eggs at me… What Worked: Most valuable player John Krasinski stole the movie with just a few lines, exhausted reaction shots, and by being the only character in the movie with any sense. What Didn’t Work: Kate Hudson looks like Kathleen Turner. Jennifer Goodwin has…
Fast and Furious: Slow Witted and Brain Dead
One of the good things about doing reviews a little later than most reviewers (and two weeks can be long enough for a movie to be forgotten in today’s age) is that you get a chance to measure a movie after the first wave of critical reception. You can survey the damage of how right…
Rio: You will never, ever be Pixar
Is 2011 the worst year for animated movies? It’s looking that way. Not only has there not been a SINGLE watchable one so far besides Rango (and many, many more duds like Gnomeo and Juliet or Hoodwinked 2), there hasn’t been an instant classic produced like last year’s How I Met Your Dragon. That was…
Arthur: I Hate You Russell Brand
Of all the new “movie stars” in the last decade that make no sense to me (Vin Diesel, Ludacris, hell, the entire Fast and Furious cast) the one that makes the least sense is Russell Brand. This guy is supposed–supposed to being the key word–be this hard partying, R rated, boundary pushing asshole, but the…
Scream 4: Give Us Your Money Suckers
As you’ve no doubt figured out by now, this Monday Morning Movie Critic day is the garbage bin for movies I watched weeks ago but didn’t write up until now. And in that perpetual garbage bin, where would we be without a horror sequel no one wanted or was asking for. What Works: The opening…
Water For Elephants=Sleep for Humans
This move opened almost (gasp) three weeks ago and has pretty much died on impact ever since. However, I sat through it so I think a post-mortem is only fair. What It Does Right: There’s just something about the circus that brings out the inner magic in all of us (even if movies about the…
Entertainment Editorial: No Sympathy for the Devil, Have PG-13 Rated Horror Movies Become Scarier?
Despite the laundry list of rules horror movies like Scream tell us there are, there really are only three: 1. Hot women, black guys, and older cops don’t fare so well, 2. The best person to be is a little kid, since Hollywood executives typically don’t let them die even if they might be in…
Mom Jokes: Battle of the Sexes
How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. What food has been scientifically proven to diminish a woman’s sex drive? A wedding cake. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care. Why is the laundry mat a bad place to pick up women? Because a woman…
Mom Jokes: Resending the Best Joke My Mom Emailed Me That Week
Employee : Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss : Sure, come on in. What can I do for you? Employee : Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss : Yes. Employee : I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise….
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Hanna
So I’ve been staying at home the past few weekends instead of plunking down dollars to see Scream: 4, When Two Shitty Sequels Just Aren’t Enough or Tyler Perry’s Jesus and Biscuits. However, I did manage to see this pretty-good, vaguely Euro art house thriller that isn’t so art house. Hanna is about a young…
Entertainment Editorial: Can Nic Cage Be Helped?
Nicolas Cage hasn’t had a great year or even a great decade. It’s been years since Cage’s name has even been said in the same sentence as a hit movie and much longer since he’s been associated with a good one. He’s having major tax trouble with the IRS and engaged in some of the…
TV Review: Shark Tank and America’s Next Great Restaurant, When Reality Shows Are Useful
Today I’m resurrecting the sorely missed TV reviews to talk about the rarest of all reality show phenomenon: when a reality show is actually useful. Most reality shows are tits-on-a-mule useless with characters that don’t know anything (all the better for a not too bright audience to feel superior to them) in idiotic situations saying…