Once again showing that there’s no franchise Hollywood doesn’t like to “update” long after it’s quit making money (considering In Time grossed more than The Three Musketeers and cost less, you have to wonder if original ideas are really so risky), here is the approximately 400th retelling of The Three Musketeers. Don’t worry though, these…
Category: Mindless Mondays
Movie Reviews: The Thing
This one is a weird “prequel” (which I guess is supposed to stop bellyaching that it’s really a deliriously shitty remake) of 1982’s The Thing…itself a remake of a 1950’s movie. However, this film promises to fill us in on what happens before the events in 1982’s The Thing, even though anyone who’s seen the…
Movie Review: Paranormal Activity 3
What Works: Even though I saw this movie at the worst possible time period (I’m pretty sure a Bronx high school was sitting behind me and wouldn’t stop laughing, talking, and at one point making bird calls), and the audience almost entirely undercut the suspense, I liked this movie. I actually think this movie is…
Entertainment Editorial: The New Fall Shows, Final Round (Thank God)
So several weeks back, I made a promise to loyal readers (and I do sincerely appreciate your patronage immediate family and girlfriend) that I would review all of the Fall’s new shows. Since then I’ve sat through everything from Charlie’s Angels–now mercifully let go by the Angel of Death or cancellation–to CW’s borderline unwatchable H8r…
Mom Jokes: How Bad is the Economy?
The Recession has hit everybody > I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. > Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries. > CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. > Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. > A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she…
Entertainment Editorial: The 5 Best Shows You’re Not Watching
That title might be a little misleading, as only one of these shows is truly what I would consider “great” (you guessed it, Breaking Bad). Still, all of them are better than 95 percent of what’s on TV, and all of them could use a drastic uptick in viewership. To highlight what makes all of…
TV Review: A Time Capsule Review of AMC’s Rubicon
Today we do something a little different for the TV review as I review a show that isn’t currently on the air and got cancelled about this time last year with little fanfare. Now, before some of you think I’m off to explore irrelevance while this new TV season has literally dozens of new shows…
Mom Jokes: Country Doctor
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, ‘I’ve been a little sick to my…
Mom Jokes: Love and Marriage
A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. …
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: 50/50
Unlike last week where I really liked Moneyball and really hated What’s Your Number?, this week’s top movie is just okay. You might even say I’m 50/50 on it, get it? Hey wait, don’t run from my reviewer puns! What Works: Joseph Gordon Levitt (as a very young guy stricken with a rare form of…
Movie Reviews: Lion King 3D
So this one is tough because The Lion King re-release in 3D isn’t really something I wanted to review since it’s almost two decades old but since it exploded the box office I felt I had to review it. So I slapped on those color-muting 3D glasses (they do ruin a nicely colorful picture like…
Movie Reviews: Killer Elite
This movie sucks. What Works: Supposedly, this movie is based on a true story, and I guess that alone makes it more interesting than the typical Jason Statham flick. Still, the trade-off for that is you have to live in the movie’s real-life time of the early 80’s and all the typical, terrible mustaches and…
Mom Jokes: Grandparent’s Answering Machine
Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep. If you are one of our children, press 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of “birth order” so we know who it is. If you need us…