A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 shot clip, and yelled, “Who in here has been screwing my wife?” A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, “You need more ammo.”
Author: Alabama Liberal
Mom Jokes: Diapers
I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs,” “Huggies,” and “Pampers,” while undergarments for old people are called “Depends.” Well here is the low down on the whole thing. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em, and Pamper ’em. When…
Mom Jokes: Marital Discord…
Bob and Susan had an argument while they were driving down a country road. After a while they got tired of repeating themselves and neither wanted to back down, so they drove along in silence. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Susan sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yup,” Bob replied without missing…
Mom Jokes: Top Country and Western Songs of All-Time…
Top Country Songs… 10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine. 9. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman; But I Woke Up With A Few. 8. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me. 7. I’ve Missed You, But My Aim’s Improvin’. 6. Wouldn’t Take Her To A…
Mom Jokes: The Politician’s Haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was…
Mom Jokes: You’re at Trouble at Work When…
I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN… …the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area. …my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah, whatever.” …the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record. …the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my…
Mom Jokes: Aphorisms…
APHORISM: A short, pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth. 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don’t have a sense of humor you…
Mom Jokes: Leaving Work Early…
Note: Yep, we had to have at least one blonde joke… Three women all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or…
Mom Jokes: A Riddle…Can You Figure Out the Answer?
King Arthur AND What Do Women Want? Can you figure out the answer…[Note: This joke is more of a very short story or riddle but still has a punchline.] Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth…
Mom Jokes: Top Things You’ll Never Hear a Southern Guy Say…
TOP 31 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SOUTHERN BOYS SAY: 31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north. 30. Oh I wouldn’t dare, she’s only sixteen. 29. I’ll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex. 28. Duct tape won’t fix that. 27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken with a slice of lime. 26….
Mom Jokes: Keep Things to Yourself…
A man received the following text message from his next-door neighbor: “I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess, I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact a lot more than you have. I have not been getting any at home,…
Mom Jokes: Definition of Coincidence
A chicken farmer went to the local bar … He sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of lemonade. The woman said: “How strange, I also just ordered a glass of lemonade.” “What a coincidence” said the farmer, who added: “It is a special day for me. I’m celebrating.” “It is a special day for me…
Mom Jokes: Brain Transplant
In the hospital where a family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a…