[Drum roll please for the very last Rich Asshole of the Year]…..Deep breathe…oh, the suspense is killing me…da da da da da da…deeper breathe…[Five minutes of drum rolling]…December’s Rich Asshole of the Month is…a tie between Tom Monaghan and John Schnatter! [Collective “Who?” from the readers] Otherwise known as the founders of Domino’s Pizza and Papa John’s Pizza! [Ohhhhhhh…but why is that Alabama Liberal?] I’m glad you asked loyal, imaginary readers, I’m glad you asked…
These two have been chosen at this most charitable time of the year, because they are both monster league hypocrites that only think they’re doing “God’s work” while actually being big-time Scrooges.
See, of all the assholes highlighted in the year so far (Mitt Romney, Chris Brown, the Koch Brothers, obviously), I’ve tried to pick out different examples of exactly what makes someone a rich asshole, since they don’t all come in the Mitt Romney variety. [I even selected Corey Booker one month, mostly because I see him as a sleazy politician with no real convictions other than a strong belief in himself, and not, as some people do, as the savior of the Democrat Party, since the only person who thinks it needs saving is perhaps Booker himself.] And the most deceptively “nice” variety is “The Rich Asshole who Thinks He’s Generous.”
Both Papa John Schnatter and Big Tom (Domino’s) Monaghan are men who would consider themselves religious (especially Monaghan, who refuses women’s healthcare because “he’s a Roman Catholic” and has fought hard against women’s rights for decades), men who think they’re good people because they give to charity (but they give even more to Republican campaigns), and yet, men who would deny their workers healthcare and are currently fighting the federal government over it. [Not to mention the fact that they both peddle cheese wheels of grease that are only considered “good pizzas” if you live in a town with no other options.]
Papa John hates “Obamacare” because it will add 12 cents to the price of everyone of his pizzas, and yet the real story should be that this guy could provide healthcare for every one of his workers (a third of Papa Johns workers have none) for only 12 cents a pizza, and he won’t do it.
Domino’s Monaghan (would that be a cool gangster name or what?) thinks the federal government is “immoral” in asking him to provide birth control for his female workers but this is really about the price of full health insurance coverage for women, and the simple economic reality that he doesn’t want to pay it.
Both of these men think they’re good. And both of these men are bad. They are both screwing over their own workers big-time, while wasting lavish amounts of money by donating to (losing) Republican candidates in the last election cycle. The way I see it, if a man can waste millions on bad campaigns, he can spend the same amount to provide a better life for his workers. At a time of year when Santa is making the naughty/nice distinction, both of these assholes deserve a big lump of coal in their stocking, and I wouldn’t object if that came in the form of a huge tax increase for them.