Now before you think The Fast Food Critic has switched from reviewing greasy, disease filled food to greasy, disease filled pornography, that title is actually accurate as Dave’s Hot and Juicy isn’t the title of the world’s worst porno (featuring Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas), it’s what Wendy’s new hamburgers are called.
Starting last week, the signature hamburger at Wendy’s received an “upgrade” in an effort to fight vicious competition from McDonald’s which is threatening to swallow up Wendy’s and Burger King whole. McDonald’s has fought hard to be branded as hip (they now feature wireless internet), healthy (they now feature a salad), and cheap (well shit, they’ve always been cheap). Nevermind, that their burgers taste like old tire treads, you can get internet access there damn it! Because all we know that people love leaving their homes just to get on the internet (actually I’m not being sarcastic, they really do). Oh yeah, Dave’s Hot and Juicy…
While You’re Eating It: Even though this “new” burger supposedly has a different grade of meat, a new bun, and new ingredients, the new Wendy’s tastes an awful lot like the old Wendy’s. The slightly thicker patties notwithstanding, I couldn’t tell a difference between the toppings and bun of this and previous Wendy’s burgers (supposedly, this bun is better and buttered, and the burger itself has red onions instead of white with fresher, crinkled pickles). Wendy’s has not significantly changed their hamburgers since the chain started, and I can’t say this is the change that will bring them new customers.
After You’re Done: All of the typical Wendy’s classic emotions: bloated, greasy, impotent, slightly depressed, where is my life going?, etc.
Impotence Level: Well it didn’t go down any from the last burger.
Heart Attack Level on a Scale of 1 to 5: It’d say a 2 or a 2.5. Wendy’s burgers won’t be what gives you a heart attack in this country’s fast food landscape but they aren’t helping you either.