Today I take a cheat in a way by reviewing something that isn’t technically fast food. Still, since I don’t do this feature most weeks, a cheat is better than nothing. The item today is the internal scourge of the movie theater: theater popcorn.
It’s greasy, it’s smothered in enough salt to cure a ham truck, and a bucket the size of a jock strap costs 6 bucks. When a food you eat at the movies costs more than a ticket…it’s time for a take down.
While You’re Eating It: Fantastic for the first ten handfuls, I can’t get enough! Why is it so slow getting into my mouth? It’s so good and–oh shit…oh man I’m not feeling so hot…geez, what’s in this tub ricin?
After You’re Done: I feel like I’ve been poisoned by accidentally drinking a bottle of Iodine. Oh my God, so salty…my mouth is snapping shut. I need water…about five liters of it.
Impotence Level: 10 on a scale of 1 to 5. I don’t get my popcorn with butter so it’s the salt I taste most, and it feels like I’ve had a little popcorn with my salt.
Heart Attack Level on a scale of 1 to 5: 3 if you get butter, 2.5 if you don’t…the salt content alone will restrict your capillaries the same as if you just smoked a pack of cigarettes.
Between you and me, I totally understand the not getting into my mouth fast enough, before I realized that salt was really the thing killing us, I use to have visions of putting my face in the tub. Me any my two other movie junkies used to finish the large before the movie started, thank God for free refills. Now I get the kid’s size and still feel dirty, dirty dirty. It is still better than a bucket of broccoli.
Yes, without butter is the way to go.
Cheers
I never get the butter–it just goes from salty to saturated fat at that point. Still, the salt content is killing me…the last time I got popcorn at AMC I felt I had salt poisoning.