Alabama Liberal is taking much longer than usual on the annual list of movies ranked from worst to best (2024 is now in its second month, and I’m still a week out from getting 2023’s list finished). In the meantime, I’ve put together a 2024 movie preview to get you looking at brighter days freed from the January/February movie doldrums.
Lists like this usually skew towards well-known directors or hyped movies, but most of the year’s truly great (and lousy) movies often come as out-of-nowhere surprises. For example, 2023’s excellent “May/December,” “The Delinquents,” “Dream Scenario,” and others weren’t on my radar until a few weeks before watching them. And some movies I wasn’t anticipating at all (like “Gran Turismo” or “The Covenant”) turned out to be surprisingly good. Still, “Oppenheimer,” “Elemental,” and “The Killer” made my list of 2023’s most anticipated, so usually about half the list is pretty accurate.
The 2024 Movies I’m Least Anticipating
10. “Alien: Romulus”…I’d love to be wrong about this, but I consider the “Alien” franchise to be a spent force. And I don’t consider it a good thing at all that they’ve abandoned the headier philosophy of “Prometheus” to make a movie that supposedly takes place between “Alien” and “Aliens,” signaling it’ll be a relatively straightforward (and “been there, done that”) horror film.
9. “Mufasa”…This “Lion King” prequel feels like a desperate attempt to squeeze every last dollar out of a piece of 90’s IP that was best as a standalone film. I didn’t even care for the 2019 “live action” remake, complete with its “uncanny valley” lions that looked like a nature documentary from hell. A second film on that National Geographic acid trip sounds fairly unappealing.
8. “Untitled 6th Karate Kid movie”…That generic working title should tell you something about this umpteenth reboot of a dormant franchise. Yes, 2010’s “Karate Kid” was better-than-expected, and maybe this will be too, but it’s hard to believe it will be.
7. “The Fall Guy”…Seems like a waste of a stacked cast (Emily Blunt, Ryan Gosling, Winston Duke, Stephanie Hsu, Hannah Waddingham) judging by the lackluster trailer. Film reboots of old TV shows are rarely good (the opposite has a much better track record, such as “Hannibal”), and David Leitch is an acclaimed action director who never actually makes good movies (“Atomic Blond,” “Bullet Train,” “Hobbs & Shaw”), making me doubtful this will be different.
6. “Godzilla X Kong: New Empire”…It would shock me if this were a genuinely good movie instead of a giant cash inferno to set millions on fire with. The only good “Godzilla” movie in eons was “Godzilla Minus One,” which cost less than 20 million dollars, about 1/10th “New Empire'”s budget. If you really think about how many good movies could’ve been made with this hunk of trash’s budget, it’ll make you mad.
5. “Blink Twice”…I’m glad Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum found love, but this film will be yet another dismal portrayal of interracial love on the big screen. [Zoe’s directorial debut stars Channing as a shady white billionaire who lures a non-wealthy black woman to an island of horrors; the original title was “Pussy Island.”] I do not know why filmmakers who are interracially married (Jordan Peele, John Ridley, Steve McQueen) continue to produce harmful stereotypes like this.
4. “Venom 3”…The second film was genuinely lousy (and another example of the previously mentioned villainous portrayals of black women/white male couples), and I wasn’t a fan of the first one much either. Seeing this lackluster trilogy come to an end sounds more like a mercy killing to me.
3. “Woody Woodpecker Goes to Camp”…2017’s “Woody Woodpecker” was one of the worst family films of the last decade–which is truly saying something–and it probably sends shivers down the spine of every parent to know a sequel will be on Netflix, where their “young ‘uns” can watch it over, and over, and over… [Chilling music plays]
2. “Bad Boys 4”…Will Smith attempts to relive past glory in his “please forget what an egomaniac I actually am” good guy tour. This is a major regression in almost every way, as Smith appears to be retreating from more serious movies now that he’s won the Oscar, and this turd looks so generic it stars Eric Dane as a villainous banker. All three of the previous “Bad” films were various degrees of lousy, and that particular style of 90’s “blam blam ‘splosion” movie has aged poorly. [His next film after “Boys” may be a completely unnecessary “I Am Legend” sequel.]
1. (tie) “The First Omen,” “Saw XI,” and “The Strangers: Chapter 1”…I fully anticipate the 3rd place choice on this list actually existing will create more genuine scares into an audience than all three of these garbage piles combined. In these “number 1” rankings, we can see the past, present, and future of lousy horror films with too many sequels.
“Omen” is a property that hasn’t been relevant in decades, but continues to be squeezed dry with endless reboots, prequels, “requels,” and anything else they can hope for–irrelevant of whether or not an audience wants it. Then there’s “Saw XI,” which feels more like “Saw 106,” and is currently in the process of never dying…despite the best wishes of any paying viewer. And finally, there’s “The Strangers: Chapter 1,” which promises a new series (at least a trilogy) of lousy “Strangers” sequels in which we basically watch the same thing happen in a slight variations. Most of us realize that Horror needs the element of surprise much more than any other genre, and for every good Horror sequel, there are 1,000 bad ones; yet Hollywood is like a bum chasing a dollar bill down the street when it comes to never leaving a cheap buck on the table.
Some I’m Not So Sure About
Note: This list is of films that could go either way, and I might be slightly hesitant of for vague reasons. As the doubt increases, so does the film’s place on the countdown, meaning 10 is the one I’m vaguely anticipating, while 1 is the one I’m least anticipating and almost put on the “least anticipated” least.
10. The Bikeriders…I very nearly put this on my most anticipated list. Sure, there’s at least two roles that are bizarrely miscast (Britishers Jodie Comer and Tom Hardy struggle mightily with the accents), and the trailer didn’t move me in any way. However, director Jeff Nichols is the best name you’ve never heard of, and has only directed good-to-great movies (“Take Shelter,” “Mud,” “Midnight Special,” “Loving”); this is his first film in eight years, and his name alone makes me think it could be much better than the trailer lets on.
9. “Gladiator 2”…I think the entire idea of a “Gladiator” sequel is a bad idea, but Ridley Scott is at least back directing, and he’s about the best alive at handling sword-based epics, such as the surprisingly excellent “The Last Duel,” and the competent “Kingdom of Heaven,” or “Exodus: Gods and Kings.” Plus, I’m always going to root for historical epics to make a comeback, as I’m a big champion of increased genre diversity in a box office dominated (mostly) by fantasy, sci-fi, and horror. “Oppenheimer” offered a glimmer of hope, and this may continue it.
8. “Deadpool 3”…I know, I know, I know that for many, many people this is the most anticipated movie of 2024, and a continuation of a franchise most people actually like. But I’m bewildered that this franchise keeps bringing back so many deadweight characters (Karan Soni, Brianna Hildebrand, and Morena Baccarin are all returning…but why though?) while more interesting ones like Zazie Beetz’s Domino are not returning.
Also, keep in mind that new director Shawn Levy is best known for hackneyed family movies (“Night at the Museum” trilogy, “Free Guy,” “The Adam Project,” 2003’s “Cheaper By the Dozen,” “Real Steel”) than sarcastic, blood-soaked comedies. In fact, other than the 2013 flop “The Internship” (where poor directing was routinely listed as a reason for the jokes not working), Levy has rarely made an R-rated movie. Now that “Deadpool” is technically part of the Disney-Marvel universe (Fox is now under the Disney umbrella), is Levy an ominous sign of things to come?
7. “Kraven the Hunter”…J.C. Chandor made some great movies a decade ago (“A Most Violent Year,” “Margin Call” and the quietly excellent “All is Lost,” which has been almost forgotten), but he’s been pretty quiet since that heyday. It’s possible he took “Kraven” merely for needed cash, and this will continue the streak of lousy “Spider-Man” villain movies (“Venom 2,” “Morbius”), but it’s also possible he’ll reinvigorate “dark” superhero films with a genuinely good one.
6. “Ghostbustes: Frozen Empire”…I was one of the few viewers who didn’t really like “Ghostbusters: Afterlife,” as the first two thirds are pretty sluggish, and a clear indication the studio didn’t want to spend much money on a movie they themselves weren’t sure about. I do think this one will be better though, so there’s reason to be optimistic as the original ‘busters finally return to doing their thing in New York City.
5. “A Quiet Place–Day One”…I felt “A Quiet Place Part 2” was a poor continuation of a franchise I can already feel growing thin, but the director made the excellent “Pig,” and Lupita N’yongo probably wouldn’t have signed on to this if it didn’t have some promise…I hope… And speaking of unnecessary spin-offs…
4. “Ballerina”…I love the “John Wick” franchise, but the director of this spin-off has literally never directed a good movie. Plus, “Ghosted” and “The Gray Man” prove Ana De Armas absolutely can do wrong when it comes to picking action scripts. Altogether, I think it’d be better to make an actual “John Wick” prequel (possibly detailing the often-mentioned “impossible task” he first performed to get out of the hitman life before the first film) than a lousy spinoff.
3. “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice”…Looooong in the works sequels rarely work. For every “Blade Runner 2049” that comes damn close to equaling the original, there’s a dozen films that make you realize they were just cash grabs (“Beverly Hills Cop 4” looks to be the latter for another 2024 example). “Beetlejuice” director Tim Burton has been a bit of a cold streak lately, and the early-September release date is hardly a vote of confidence (only January/February are as bad as late-August/early-September for movies Hollywood has no faith in). However, the supporting cast is good (Jenna Ortega, Justin Theroux, Catherine O’Hara, and Willem Dafoe), and no matter what you know Michael Keaton will bring it, like he always does.
2. “If”…On the one hand, I’m happy Hollywood is spending serious money on an original idea. On the other, this almost feels like a “Free Guy”-esque swindle where a hyped “original premise” starring a typecast Ryan Reynolds (doing his sub-Vince Vaughn patter routine) feels like something we’ve already seen before. It’s also a pathetic indictment of modern Hollywood (where even heralded 2023 movies like “Oppenheimer” and “Barbie” aren’t actually original ideas at all) that there are but a handful of huge budget, non-preexisting IP movies a year, and if even one of them flops, there will be even fewer the following year.
1. “Wicked: Part One”…But why make a “Part One” and “Part Two” though? Just…why? The play is all in one sitting, and goes by fairly quickly, so why drag this out? Why does every damn thing need to be lengthened and extended to the point of madness into a never-ending world of expanded universes and TV show tie-ins? Make…it…stop… And the fun of a live play (with gimmicks like a high-wire witch “flying”) will be severely diluted on the big screen.
And finally, the 2024 movies I’m most looking forward to
Semi-cheating runner-ups: “Knox Goes Away,” “Hit Man,” and “Problemista”…This is cheating a bit since all three of these movies have already premiered, critics know very well that they’re good, and it’s just a matter of time before audiences get to assess their quality. It felt dishonest to include them in the full list, and yet that doesn’t mean I’m eagerly anticipating them any less.
Honorable Mention: “Wolfs”…Putting this movie on a list of “anticipated” films merely because George Clooney and Brad Pitt are in it sounds like something People Magazine would do in the 90’s, and yet, here I am doing exactly that. Watching these two smoothies play professional fixers on the same job sounds like they’ll be asked to channel the same effortless movie star charisma of “Ocean’s Eleven,” and I don’t consider that a bad thing at all.
10. “Twisters”…This is a very confusing movie. On the one hand, you wouldn’t think much at all of a “too little, too late” sequel/reboot to 1997’s “Twister,” a movie that no one was particularly expecting a sequel to nearly 30 years later. On the other hand, this thing has a critically acclaimed director (“Minari”‘s Lee Isaac Chung), and an absolutely stacked cast of young Hollywood’s most in-demand (Daisy Edgar Jones, Glenn Powell, Daryl McCormick, Sasha Lane, Kieran Shipka, Anthony Ramos, and David Corenswet, the next Superman). You have to wonder why all this up-and-coming talent would sign on if the script completely sucked. This very well could be the “I had no idea this would be good” movie of 2024.
9. “The Amateur”…Rami Malek hasn’t had a good, substantial film role since he won the Best Actor Oscar for “Bohemian Rhapsody” (supporting performances in “No Time to Die,” “Amsterdam,” and “Oppenheimer” barely register), and that’s been bad news for those who miss his “Mr. Robot” eccentricities. “Amateur” is a remake of an espionage thriller I’ve never heard of (but that is apparently decent), and could be just the thing. Either way, I make it a general rule to go see almost any thriller for adults that’s even loosely connected to current events, so I’ll be there.
8. “Horizon–An American Saga, Part 1 and Part 2”…Come on, you’re a little bit curious to see the movie that Kevin Costner blew up “Yellowstone” for. And since the last few seasons of “Yellowstone” have been running in place, there’s every reason to believe he made the right choice for a Western epic that will be set before (Part 1) and after (Part 2) the civil war, with (yikes) two more parts on their way…whether or not anyone wants to see them after these two. This is the kind of epic vanity project Costner blew up his career for the first time (just like “The Postman,” he also directs here)), and it’ll be fascinating to see if he learned from his first-round mistakes.
7. “The Wild Robot”…This is a movie adaptation of one of the best kid’s books of the last decade, and I just hope Universal’s animation division doesn’t mess it up. They may be on a hot streak commercially (“Mario,” “Trolls Band Together,” “Minions”), but “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” is one of their only truly good movies in eons. Here’s hoping this is the break-out animated film of 2024 since I am slightly skeptical that a sequel to “Inside Out” is a good idea.
6. “Unfrosted: the Pop Tart Story”…It’s safe to say no entertainer alive has thought as much about pop tarts as Jerry Seinfeld, who had an entire comedic bit about them before–apparently–deciding to turn that interest into his feature length directorial debut with this movie about the creation of the pop-tart. I’m excited to see the first Seinfeld-scripted movie since 2007’s “Bee Movie,” and true-life business stories are on a hot streak after “Flaming Hot,” and “BlackBerry.”
5. “Furiousa”…It’ll be surprising if this movie is as good as “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but Anya Taylor-Joy is always exciting to watch, and Chris Hemsworth plays the villain. I’d be lying if I said I won’t watch this regardless of if pre-release buzz is absolutely awful.
4. “Spaceman”…Adam Sandler alternates between very good dramas (“Punch Drunk Love,” “Uncut Gems,” “Hustle”) and mostly terrible comedies. On paper, this is certainly the former, and the only thing giving me pause is that it’s being released straight to Netflix (home of his worst projects). Still, I love existentialist space movies, and this is the first major one since 2019’s “Ad Astra.”
3. “Joker: Folie a Deux”…I know I’m setting myself up for a terrible fall by anticipating this. Sequels are rarely good, and that’s especially true when it’s obvious they weren’t planned and have only been green lit because the first film made such a fortune (2019’s “Joker” is the highest grossing R-rated movie of all time). [It’s also bewildering that Zazie Beetz is unnecessarily returning to this sequel, but not her beloved Domino character in “Deadpool 3.”] Still, you know you’ll go see it no matter what, and Lady Gaga will be an excellent Harley Quinn.
2. “Nosferatu”…Robert Eggers has never made a bad movie. “The Lighthouse” was my 2nd favorite film of 2019 with “The Northman” being my favorite of 2022. “Nosferatu” may be a combination of those as it has the epic sweep (and larger budget) of “Northman,” and the off-kilter, historical horror of “Lighthouse.”
1. “Dune Part 2”…What else could top this list? Denis Villeneuve found a way to make Frank Herbert’s “unadaptable” novel an accessibly terrific interplanetary epic. “Part 2” merely finishes the story from the first book–it’s been split into two movies–and I’m going to need everyone on Earth to go see it so the risk-averse Warner Bros. finally green lights the third film (based on the second “Dune” book) Villeneuve has planned.