Today is a little different on Red State Vs. Blue State as I’m not actually debating politics—instead we’re debating if this blog is a waste of time—and I am also debating a regular contributor to the site (mom from, you guessed it, mom jokes). Also, she’s coming back for an interview, making another Alabama Liberal first.
Brody: Thanks for coming today and also Friday’s interview. In addition to being my mom, you’ll be the first person to ever be both interviewed favorably and debated with extreme prejudice. I’m not sure my readers will find it interesting but I’m pretty sure Sigmund Freud’s ghost might.
Mom: It’s great to be here for the debate…and for Friday’s interview…and for Monday’s mom jokes—shit, you need to start paying me Brody.
Brody: I know right? It’s bad enough I didn’t pay rent those nine months I was living inside your stomach. Now you’re unpaid labor for a site you don’t really believe in.
Mom: I never said that Brody. I do believe in the site, but—
Brody: When you tell someone you believe in what they’re doing, there shouldn’t be a “but” in that sentence.
Mom: [Laughter] Well it’s just that you could be doing so many other things. Have you really thought about the Marines?
Brody: Marines?!
Mom: I meant Air Force. Sorry, I really did mean Air Force. I think that would be a better fit for you probably.
Brody: Right, right, it would…and then of course there’s not joining any of them. I think that might be the best fit—
Mom: Either way, I just want you to have a job that pays well with benefits. You need some health insurance Brody. You can’t be on mine forever. You won’t always have it as good as you do now.
Brody: Right, this gravy train of minimum wage jobs and doing a practically non-profit website.
Mom: We’ll see, you just said you can’t make any money at it.
Brody: That’s not what I—alright, new topic: Do you love my brother more because he’s in med school?
Mom: No! Of course not…but—
Brody: [Laughter]
Mom: But I might come visit him more [jokingly…I think]
Brody: Yeah, but this website would seem like a bad idea to you if I were making Zuckerberg money, because all this stuff seems kind-of like bullshit—
Mom: Language Brody, I might read this later.
Brody: Like BS because none of this stuff really makes a whole lot of sense to someone over 40. Not that you’re too old, but a lot of the new billionaires out there—people from a different generation look at them like “How in the world does this guy make more than 30 grand a year? Zuckerberg should be washing my car for extra money on the weekends.” I bet when he talks to his mother and tells her about his latest billion, she says “That’s nice honey, but you know IBM is hiring?”
Mom: Now there’s a company!
Brody: Exactly. IBM makes machines that are useful, that seems like a billion dollar business but is on the decline. Facebook makes digital friends that are useless, but that is a billion dollar business on the upswing. And its runty cousin Twitter is helping overthrow third world dictatorships run for decades by people over 40…that also don’t understand how these things are successful.
Mom: Are you comparing me to a Middle Eastern tyrant?
Brody: I’m saying the older generations really, really underestimate the narcissism of this one…and you are a tyrant on broccoli night.
Mom: Broccoli’s good for you. I can’t say the same for spending all your time on the internet pleasing a few dozen people.
Brody: Well that’s about all the time we have for today—
Mom: Nope. I’ve read some of these debates you do with these fly weight pushovers. Not today. Let’s talk about your future.
Brody: I think I would rather sew Donald Trump’s hair to his head or watch a full hour of The Glenn Beck Show.
Mom: [Laughter] I’ll admit that’s a hard hour of television.
Brody: It looks like we’re entering another first: the first time I’ve agreed with somebody in this section.
Join us Friday for an interview with mom—a 35 year veteran teacher—about all the hard times teachers are facing currently.
I heart your mom!
Your moms “but” packs a punch! Ouch!
We need to get your mum a blog – call it, “Broccoli’s Good for You”, Tag line – “Now let’s talk about your future”
Dear Brody’s Mom, we few dozen reader really appreciate something fresh on the internet. I am looking forward to part II.
PS
Good work as always, B.