Every now and then a mid-range movie slips through the cracks, and why not use Thanksgiving to catch up on some of them with quick reviews? Enjoy the Holiday, and check back throughout the weekend for more reviews…
“Fading Gigolo” …One of the rare recent “Woody” movies to star Woody Allen but not be directed or written by him. It turns out it’s more a vanity vehicle for writer/director/star John Turturro, and a rather unbelievable one at that. It’s about Turturro becoming the world’s most atypically attractive gigolo, but that’s not where the comedy comes from, and we’re not even supposed to find it funny that all these beautiful women would be fascinated and enthralled by Turturro’s plain-jane escort. It’s less Deuce Bigalow, than “Californication” the showtime series where gorgeous women couldn’t wait to strip down for David Duchovny two seconds after he smirks at them…and “Fading Gigolog”‘s scenes where a monosyllabic Turturro drives Sharon Stone wild/lightly-jealous, seduces Sofia Vergara, and even has a threesome with Stone/Sofia are even less credible.
Plus, the movie gets a little lost in an awkward Orthodox Jewish subplot that initially detracts from–then hijacks–everything else the movie is about. It’s an erotic dramedy that’s not sexy enough, funny enough, or dramatic enough, and the definitive movie on male escorts has yet to be made. Grade: C
“Happy Christmas”…It’s a very mumble core Christmas as the holidays came early, very early, in this inconsequential indie that celebrated Christmas in July (when it was theatrically released). There’s only the faintest whiff of a plot as Anna Kendrick has to crash with her older brother and eventually strikes up a bond with his wife, but not before hanging out with Lena Dunham (whose character might as well be named Lena Dunham) and pretending to care about his son/her nephew. As is typical for mumblecore movies, there’s not so much an emphasis on anything happening as there is subtle character revelations through seemingly endless streams of dialogue. This is better than some, but I preferred director/star Joe Swanberg’s last film “Drinking Buddies.” Grade: C
“Stretch”…This movie didn’t even get a theatrical release, so it’s hard to say it’s overrated, but I wasn’t really as captivated with it as some reviewers have been. It’s director Joe Carnahan—-in more “Smoking Aces” mode than “The Grey” or “Narc” mode, sadly—-telling the story of a luckless limo driver (Patrick Wilson) who desperately needs to come up with some money, and thinks the best way is chauffeuring around a psychotic billionaire (Chris Pine, near unrecognizable). I wish it were as much dirty fun as it wants to be, but it’s never quite deranged enough. Grade: C
“Sabotage”…Ah-nuld’s movies haven’t exactly been notable since he left the Governor’s office, but this one is a little worse than average. It’s another Arnold vs. the cartel movie that plays into the “Mexicans are scary” thoughts of most of Arnold’s fans, since the dude has never looked older than he does here as the head of a DEA special unit mostly made up of ridiculously skeezy white trash. For about 30 seconds, it’s kind-of fun to see Joe Manganiello with dreadlocks, Sam Worthington bald with a braided chin beard, and Mireille Enos (liberated from The Killing’s drabness) letting her over-acting flag fly as a meth-addicted, she-wolf redneck agent. But the dressed-down cast soon wears out its welcome as the movie insists on having them play ultra-aggressive, MTV-style stereotypes. Some of the movie’s action scenes are stripped-down, kinetic fun (a car chase through downtown Atlanta reminds me that as little CGI as possible is the way to do action), but others are just ridiculous—like a climactic shootout with Arnold wearing a cowboy hat and using an obvious stunt double. Grade: C-
“Grand Piano”…Arguably the best of the five, and how many movies offer a chance to see Elijah Wood (perfectly cast, all fearful eyes and light fingers) as a classical pianist threatened by a sniper not to make one wrong note or he’ll shoot him dead during a concert no less? Despite a rough first twenty minutes, when the movie gets going, the tension is palpable, and the dizzying camerawork matches the virtuoso classical music playing throughout the most suspenseful scenes. Sure, the ending is a bit silly, but it’s nice to see John Cusack back in the game. Grade: B