This movie is awful. I’d like to take a small victory lap in that as I correctly put it on my “List of five movies that will suck,” summer list.
What Works: Virtually nothing. I can’t single out the direction because it was a mess. The script featured everything that’s wrong with Hollywood movies. And the cast…well, does Brooklyn Decker and Rihanna sound like a great cast to you?
What Doesn’t Work: [See above, “What Works”] This movie is best as a “Teachable Moment” for everything that is wrong with Hollywood movies. You’ve got the generic alien villain (the aliens are never given a motive…they attack Earth because…well, Goddamnit that’s what aliens do!) that substitutes for what used to be China or Russia or some other foreign army, because, you know, we can’t let an actual, real-world villain hurt international box office, so send in the vampires and aliens! You’ve got the terrible cast headlined by a guy (Taylor Kitsch from box office flop John Carter) who’s a “star” just because someone said he’s a star and then you add in the pop diva (Rihanna) who wants to cross promote and the model (Brooklyn Decker) who wants to extend their “brand” and the used-to-be-great actor (Liam Neeson) who’s just cashing a paycheck by appearing for ten minutes to lend this movie a shred of credibility.
And, perhaps worst of all, you’ve got the blatant attempt to disguise the movie’s flaws by hiring real war veterans (like the guy with two mechanical legs or the old WWII veterans who show up for no good reason towards the end) so that people will go easier on it. It’s a very cynical, very phony ploy that just made me hate the movie’s lack of ambition and originality even more. You can almost see the studio exec telling Peter Berg “okay, so do this and then say ‘we just wanted to honor their service’ even though we don’t give a fuck about their service or we would have used a REAL villain like North Korea or China instead of a bullshit alien invasion.”
What I Would Have Done Differently: I can’t emphasize enough that a movie called Battleship should have a REAL villain like the Chinese or North Korean Navy. The fact that they don’t is only because they didn’t want to hurt international box office, so they cooked up some totally half-baked alien villain without motive, depth, or even a distinctive look. Also, I would have trimmed all the cynical gimmicks like the WWII veterans getting “called into action” and the legless veteran.
You are so right. Battleship was a dud! Wasted my money and time.