Whew…well, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all…but that’s not really how reviewing works so let’s say it anyway…
What Works: The idea of setting a “star crossed lovers” movie against the backdrop of Pompeii isn’t a terrible one, and I could see where a starry eyed producer would think he had the next Titanic on his hands. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. Is there anything worth looking at for the two hours this film is on? Well there’s Jessica Lucas (who really should have been the lead instead of Emily Browning, the 100th interchangeable young British actress Hollywood is trying to make happen) in a one dimensional role as a slave girl/bestie. Then there’s the walking haircut known as Kit Harrington for the women (the 6000th interchangeable young British actor Hollywood is trying to make happen). But the visual effects towards the end aren’t terrible (I liked watching those great villas disintegrate) and the slightly-surprising ending is actually good.
What Doesn’t Work: Nearly all the movie’s best scenes are in the last 20 minutes and before the volcano erupts I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones may have a lot of female fans but as is he just seems more like a hairstyle than a compelling lead. Emily Browning is entirely forgettable. Kiefer Sutherland isn’t but he’s a rather unconvincing Roman villain. The entire first two thirds of the movie alternate between bad and worse.
What I Would Have Done Differently: I’m sure the investors of this film wished they had saved their money, but I feel this is one where the “middle ground” approach doesn’t pay off at all. The movie isn’t expensive enough, and a lot of the cheapness and corner-cutting is evident. Hire better actors, a better director, make the effects more lavish and the sets more grand, and really go all out if you’re going to make an epic historical disaster movie. [James Cameron could have aced this thing, but then again, he wouldn’t want to waste the three years of his life it would take.]