Live Blogging Tonight’s Final Debate

9 p.m (Eastern)…The opening

9:02 p.m. …The candidates take the stage, lots of applause.

9:05 p.m. …Libya is the opening question, oh God…Give me a fucking break with this non-issue already.

9:06 p.m. …Romney starts off talking about Libya, enjoy it Mitt, cause I feel like this is your only strong suit tonight in this foreign policy debate.

9:08 p.m. …Still talking about Libya. Oh God…by all means let’s talk about the deaths of four people for an hour instead of talking about all the deaths of people on 9/11, the Iraq War, the Afghanistan War, and all the people Mubarak/Gaddafi killed before overthrown.

9:09 p.m. …Obama takes the first shot at Romney, saying he’s been “all over the map” on defense. Good

9:10 p.m. …So far Romney’s been pretty mild with his Obama slams. I think he knows this isn’t his strong suit and is retreating. Also good.

9:11 p.m. …It’s 9/11 right now, and yet…we’re not talking about 9/11 and Obama killing Bin Laden. This needs to be his only sentence for this entire debate.

9:12 p.m. …Obama slams Romney for being such a dip-shit on defense. Points out what a wishy-washy flake he is on security and who America’s allies are.

9:13 p.m. …Points on the board for Obama. “You said Russia was the greatest threat America faced, not Al-Qaeda, Russia.”

9:14 p.m. …Romney is babbling about Russia, showing clear lack of experience.

9:16 p.m. …Obama laying out plans for third world hellholes–I mean, “important Middle Eastern” allies.

9:17 p.m. …Bob Scheiffer is asking yet another conservative leaning question. Uh-oh, we could have trouble with the umpire on this one.

9:18 p.m. …Obama explains why he hasn’t “done more” in Syria. Pretty simple: we don’t want any more pointless wars in Middle-Eastern shit holes. [My words, not his.]

9:22 p.m. …Romney’s basic thesis is “Obama’s administration failed in Syria, although I would essentially do the same thing.”

9:23 p.m. …Romney literally just said that he wouldn’t send U.S. troops to Syria, although America should have done more about Syria under Obama’s leadership. Is it a new record for Romney to flip flop in the same sentence?

9:26 p.m. …Romney just said that he agrees with Obama on Egypt/ousting Mubarak but said Obama should have done something differently…what differently? Who knows? His answer was that vague.

9:28 p.m. …Romney says America has “28 friends” and allies around the globe. Well shit, I hope it’s more than that.

9:29 p.m. …He also says that no where in the world is America more influential today than they were four years ago. Obama tries to respond and Bob the moderator just changes the subject and asks Romney something else. Uhhhh…we’re really having some problems with the umpire on this one.

9:30 …Romney gives a rambling answer that somehow invokes unemployment and the economy. Can someone say “one trick candidate?”

9:31 …This has to be incredibly frustrating for Obama. He’s been a fantastic president on defense/international affairs but he can’t gloat. He can’t outright say “I’m an awesome motherfucker” and he can’t laugh at Mitt either.

9:32 …Obama ties Romney to the failed policies of Bush/Cheney.

9:34 …Romney talks about the U.S. economy and unemployment and slams teacher’s unions. Uhhhh, he knows this is about foreign policy right? I mean, I know he hates most “commoner” jobs, but this really isn’t a place to shit on teachers.

9:38 …Why won’t Romney shut up about the economy? This is a foreign policy debate, supposedly.

9:40…Obama points out that you can’t raise our military budget much more than it already is since the U.S. spends more on defense than the next six countries combined.

9:42…No embarrassing gaffes yet. Where are the “Big Birds” and “Binders full of women?” And what will Romney say tonight that is unintentionally hilarious tonight? Five to one odds he calls Obama the n-word…

9:44 …Romney flat out lies about the size of our Air Force and Navy. The largest Air Force in the world? Us. The second largest? Our Navy. So unless they fight each other, I think we’re good.

9:45 …Obama “The reason we have less ships than a hundred years ago is because we also have fewer horses and bayonets than a hundred years ago. The technology’s changed.” Pow! Zing!

9:47 …Now they’re talking about Israel. Time for a bathroom break…

9:48 …Romney “If I’m President of the United States, we’ll have Israel’s back.” Yes, Mitt, I think you’ve made it abundantly clear that you like Israel since you’ve only mentioned it a million fucking times, and literally every time someone asks you ANY question about the Middle-East.

9:52 …Still talking about Israel/Iran. Both candidates have to pretend that they would blow up Iran, even though no one wants a war with a country even more populated than Iraq.

9:53 …Bob the moderator looks like he’s sleepy. Why do they keep getting hundred year old men (like Jim Lehrer) to do this when younger women have done a much better job with this so far?

9:54 …Obama “Nothing Mitt Romney just said was true.” I feel that could be the only sentence said during the three debates. The real Obama is too tough to beat, so they’ve invented a fantasy one.

9:58 …Romney just said “Iran is four years closer to developing a nuclear weapon. Four years closer.” Then doesn’t that disprove the urgency? If they were nowhere four years ago, and they’re nowhere today, then how can we pretend this is urgent?

10 …The hardest part of this Iran debate is that the president can’t talk about the covert shadow war that’s been launched on this program. We’ve bombed their facilities, we’ve released computer viruses in their facilities, and we’ve killed their nuclear scientists with targeted assassinations. THAT’S why they’ve made no progress.

10:02 …Obama nails Romney for being a flip-flopper, good. This isn’t talked about like it should be.

10:04 …Romney keeps complaining, and Schieffer says “With respect sir, you’ve” done your fair share of attacks too.

10:05 …Romney laying out plan for Afghanistan, oh God, this should be good…

10:07 …I listened to Romney talk himself into a pretzel about Afghanistan for two minutes, and I still don’t have a fucking clue what he would do differently than Obama on the issue. Only that he would do it differently.

10:11 …I just fell asleep listening to Romney talk about Pakistan. Seriously, I nodded off. I need to get more sleep.

10:12 …Good Lord, is Romney still talking?

10:15 …Romney: “Is Al-Qaeda on the run? No.” That’s a straight fucking lie, and Obama had better call him out on it. Al-Qaeda has been hammered relentlessly since Obama took office, and he’s dismantled most of their central Arab leadership. The Al-Qaeda today is a weird bunch of off-brand gangs about like the Salt Lake City Crips or the Sheboygan Bloods.

10:18 …Romney “China doesn’t have to be an adversary. They can be great friends and allies.” Didn’t he just say that he would get tough with China in the last debate? He said he play tough with them, but now they’re our friends playing paddy cake?

10:21 …Romney is talking about the one thing I agree with him about: that China sucks and they’re stealing our intellectual property. And if he wants to run for “The Protector of U.S. Copyrights,” I will vote for him for that in a second.

10:22 …Obama “Governor Romney’s right about outsourcing, and he knows about it because he’s outsourced jobs.” Boom! Zip! Zing!

10:24 …Romney is now pretending that he’s always supported the auto industry, and wasn’t in favor for letting it go bankrupt. Cough, bullshit, cough.

10:25 …It’s interesting that Michigan (where Romney is a native son) will almost certainly go for Obama, and he’s beating Romney by nearly twenty points in Massachusetts. It seems like the states that know Romney the best, dislike him the most. And that’s telling.

10:27 …Romney’s basic strategy seems to be talking a lot and hoping Obama gets drowsy. I swear he’s talked five times as long.

10:29 …Romney “I love teachers” and yet he can’t stop shitting on them.

10:30 …Obama’s closing remarks highlight that he clearly ready for this race to be over with. And I don’t blame him, it seems like the race started the second he was sworn in.

10:33 …Romney’s entire closing statement is just ranting about Obama. He entire slogan seems to be “Obama sucks.” Nearly nothing specific in there about how he could be better.

10:35 …A very chilly handshake and hug between them after the debate. In 2008, I felt like John McCain and Barack Obama were respectful of each other and would probably be friends in other circumstances. I don’t feel that here…at all.