So this weekend I performed a rite of passage for anyone interested in serious junk food (we’ll call them “junk foodies” no, no, no, too gay, how about “fudge packers?”) and went to Coney Island, New York’s version of an extremely dirty Six Flags. I didn’t much go on the rides, since I don’t often look for super-fast ways to break my arm, but I did notice that none of them looked more recent than the Korean War. I know, I know, the old-time New York nostalgia lovers like to bitch about how the newer rides “have no character” but seniority isn’t something I look for in a Roller Coaster.
Anyway, on to the food…
Fried Oreos
The Taste: You can’t really taste the Oreo very well, it’s just like a giant fried puff with a very subtle cream taste, almost no hard crunch since the shell is softened. Probably not worth the price for Oreo lovers (one of these is two dollars…although four of them is, inexplicably, only five dollars) when you can buy a whole box for roughly the same. Still, I’m glad I’ve tried it…
The After-Taste [Hours later]: I’m not glad I’ve tried it. I think a tumor would have settled in my stomach easier.
Fried Twinkies
The Taste: This one lends itself to being fried a lot better than Oreos do, but you still can’t taste the cream very easily even though it’s operating with a much larger one. I’d probably rather eat one of these again than a fried Oreo…
The After-Taste: No, I wouldn’t. This thing is killing me. Imagine a fried log of dessert that doesn’t have a natural element in it (twinkies can sit out for a year without bacteria growing on it) sitting in your stomach, making friends with a fried Oreo, the buddy comedy from hell playing itself out over a long, insanity-causing-hot afternoon.
Funnel Cake
The Taste: Oh, this is pretty good.
The After-Taste:…Holy shit, what’s wrong with me? Why did I think this would go down smooth. I just hope I can throw up soon.
Fried Crab Sandwich
The Taste: This is a soft shell crab that’s been fried so you can eat theĀ entireĀ crab between a bun, either very badass or very bad depending on who you are. I have to say that I barely tasted the crab and mostly just felt like I was eating sand between two very stale pieces of bread.
After-Taste: Can’t tell…in too much pain from the other stuff.
Nathan’s “Famous” Chili Fries
The Taste: Very strong. They use a soft crinkly fry (my favorite) for their fries, although the chili cheese does make the whole thing a bit too mushy. I would probably prefer Johnny Rockets cheese fries, since they use firmer ones that can stand up to the chili.
The After-Taste: Pepto Bismol is my new best friend.