Fast Food Critic: Arby’s Smokehouse Brisket Sandwich

By | October 30, 2013

Another example in meaningless adjectives appealing to our subconscious nature Arby’s new “Smokehouse Brisket Sandwich” is neither from a smokehouse nor true brisket, although it is technically a sandwich. More and more fast food chains are throwing in mouthwatering adjectives like “Asiago,” “garden,” or “fresh,” to sell the same damn chicken sandwich they’ve always been slinging.

While You’re Eating It: The taste is good, not great, but I’ve always had something of a soft spot for Arby’s. I wouldn’t necessarily say they’re better tasting or better for you than McDonald’s, but I would say I’m a lot more likely to eat there. I guess we all have our preferences, and this layered brisket sandwich is certainly more up my alley than an uninspired hamburger quite possibly made from old tire treads.

After You’re Done: You’ll hate yourself. This sandwich is meat, more meat, and fried onion petals with a mystery sauce on a thick bun. It may be the equivalent of a one-night-stand since it looks amazing when you’re hungry, but you might find yourself thinking “Oh my God…did I just have Arby’s for lunch?’

Impotence Level: This thing is salty as hell, and I think your sex drive would be hampered even if Kate Upton naked in a bouncy castle propositioned you but not full-blown-apocalyptically bad that you’d turn down Nicky Minaj. [Don’t give me those weird looks…you’ve thought about it.]

Heart Attack Level: 3.5 out of 5. I can’t say I felt great the rest of the day after eating this.

 

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