Every Movie I’ve Seen This Year, From Worst to Best

To complete the end of the site’s first year, I thought I’d count down from all the movies I’ve seen this year (all 122 of them). From worst of the year all the way down to the best. There are still a dozen of movies I haven’t seen that I think COULD have wound up in the best of the year twenty (The Artist, Rampart, The Interrupters particularly) but this will just have to do for now.

The Worst Movie of the Year: Twilight, Breaking Dawn-Part 1. This year had a ton of awful movies (any of the worst five could have occupied this spot) but this movie stands out mostly because it was such an enormous, unexplainable box office hit. I know people will say I’m picking on an easy to hate franchise but I actually liked the first three movies (or would have given them no less than a C+) but this movie is dog shit. It’s a joyless, moronic anti-abortion message movie where even hellish vampire life is worth protecting. The author’s devout pro-life agenda couldn’t be more transparent and it sucks the life out of a franchise that has always been on the borderline of awkward message movie.

Runner-Up Worst Movie of the Year: What’s Your Number…few people even remember this Anna Faris movie, and that’s for the best. Anyone who has seen it won’t question why I would put such a dog here. It’s not just that this misogynistic wolf in feminist’s clothing says that you won’t get married if you’ve had sex with 20 guys (if Gloria Steinham were dead, she’d be rolling in her grave), it’s that the movie itself is just no fun or funny or even remotely surprising. A piece of fluff should actually have, you know, fluff in it.

Second Runner-Up Worst Movie of the Year: Bad Teacher. This was another undeserving box office hit as an entire movie is built around Cameron Diaz’s sorry, shrill, gold-digging “bad teacher,” which feels like a Republican’s idea of a bad public school teacher. It’s a one joke movie and the joke doesn’t work, and I still maintain that if they were going to have a “dark” comedy, they need actual darkness. It’s just a standard comedy with an unlikable lead character (that never gets a comeuppance) that never really goes for the jugular. In an alternate universe, there’s a version of this movie that is much darker and nastier–think Cameron’s horrible teacher getting gunned down by a school shooter and being made to seem a hero in the end–and that movie actually works even if it’s a box office flop.

119. New Year’s Eve. Grade: F…I don’t know how a movie built around the most exciting holiday of the year becomes this boring, but this one manages it. Could have easily been the worst movie of the year. A movie so bad, it’s vaguely dehumanizing (none of the characters are allowed more than a single trait). When Zac Ephron has the best storyline in your movie with a dozen storylines, it’s time to retire. [Hear me Garry Marshall?]

118. Jack and Jill. Grade: F+…Obvious reasons.

117. Big Momma’s House 3. Grade: D-…One day Hollywood will get tired of making fun of overweight black women. And on that day, the Earth will crash into the sun because it will mean a one hundred year old movie cliche will have died.

116. Friends with Benefits. Grade: D-…Most will say I’m too hard on this movie, but something about it just seemed oppressively shallow and really rubbed me the wrong way.

115. The Thing. Grade: D-…The world didn’t need a remake/prequel of John Carpenter’s The Thing, and so the world ignored this movie.

114. Arthur. Grade: D…Same for Arthur.

113. Something Borrowed. Grade: D

112. Killer Elite. Grade: D

111. Transformers 3. Grade: D+

110. Hangover 2. Grade: D+

109. Season of the Witch. Grade: D+…This movie’s unintentional hilariousness saves it from the bottom.

108. The Dilemma. Grade: D+

107. Just Go With It. Grade: D+…Another Adam Sandler dud.

106. The Mechanic. Grade: D+…Another Jason Statham dud.

105. No Strings Attached. Grade: C-…Another dud with the same plot as Friends with Benefits.

104. I Am Number 4. Grade: C-…Another dud with the same plot as Twilight.

103. Battle LA. Grade: C-…Another dud alien invasion movie.

102. Country Strong. Grade: C-…Phony to the core country music movie. Check out Crazy Heart instead.

101. Our Idiot Brother. Grade: C-

100. Sucker Punch. Grade: C-…This movie is bad but so ambitious in its badness I couldn’t put it in the bottom twenty…still, it really is a piece of shit.

99. Unknown. Grade: C-

98. The Green Lantern. Grade: C-

97. Red Riding Hood. Grade: C-…Should probably be lower but certain scenes are so bad, they’re funnier than anything in The Hangover 2.

96. Scream 4. Grade: C-

95. The Rum Diary. Grade: C-…I wanted to like this movie more than I did like it.

94. Gnomeo and Juliet. Grade: C-…The sheer strangeness of this movie meant it didn’t belong as low on the list as it probably deserves.

93. Fast Five. Grade: C-…One of the best con jobs this year, as most people didn’t actually realize this movie was bad. [It made Time Magazine’s Best of the Year List in a move that will embarrass them for years to come.]

92. The Eagle. Grade: C-…Not as bad as the other C minuses but not as good as the C’s either.

91. The Guard. Grade: C

90. The Three Musketeers. Grade: C

89. Rio. Grade: C

88. Super. Grade: C

87. Take Me Home Tonight. Grade: C

86. Footloose. Grade: C…As good as it could have been, but the world just didn’t need this remake.

85. Straw Dogs. Grade: C…or this one.

84. Fright Night. Grade: C…or this one.

83. Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Grade: C…or this sequel.

82. Cars 2. Grade: C…or this sequel.

81. Harold and Kumar in 3D. Grade: C…or this 3D sequel.

80. Mr. Popper’s Penguins. Grade: C…or this adaptation of a beloved children’s book.

79. The Adventures of Tintin. Grade: C…or this adaptation of a beloved children’s book.

78. The Green Hornet. Grade: C…or this adaptation of a comic book.

77. The Devil’s Double. Grade: C…or this adaptation of a dubiously based true story.

76. Sherlock Holmes 2. Grade: C…or this sequel, damn where are Hollywood’s original ideas?

75. Cowboys and Aliens. Grade: C…or this…okay, you got me, it’s an original idea, which is why it isn’t lower.

74. Sanctum. Grade: C

73. A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy. Grade: C

72. Last Night. Grade: C

71. 30 Minutes or Less. Grade: C

70. Arthur Christmas. Grade: C…Some will say I’m too hard on it, but this movie just left me cold. It’s slick and shiny, but completely soulless.

69. The Change-Up. Grade: C…Jason Bateman almost saved this movie. He’s the only good thing in it.

68. The Immortals. Grade: C…Amazing, rich visuals (including Frieda Pinto’s ass) but still not quite good enough story.

67. Water For Elephants. Grade: C…Sleep for humans.

66. Your Highness. Grade: C…I liked this more than the other C movies, but not quite good enough for a C+.

65. Captain America. Grade: C+…Solid but sleepy.

64. Real Steel. Grade: C+

63. Tower Heist. Grade: C+

62. Puss in Boots. Grade: C+

61. Insidious. Grade: C+

60. Martha Marcy May Marlene. Grade: C+…Almost every reviewer would rate this one higher, but I think it pretends to have more to say than it really does. Some good performances but hollow characterizations and plot.

59. Like Crazy. Grade: C+…Same.

58. Happy Feet 2. Grade: C+

57. Zoolander. Grade: C+…Am I out of my mind to rate this movie so highly? Probably, but something about it just wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and Rosario Dawson shines in her small role (please start giving her some of Halle Berry or Zoe Saldana’s discarded parts Hollywood).

56. Another Earth. Grade: C+

55. X-Men First Class. Grade: C+

54. Bellflower. Grade: C+

53. Warrior. Grade: C+…Worth watching…on video

52. The Whistleblower. Grade: C+…Absolutely worth seeing, just walk, don’t run.

51. Limitless. Grade: C+…Good, but could have been so much more.

 

The Final Fifty, this is where I recommend everything below, to various degrees.

50. Midnight in Paris. Grade: B-…a good but overrated movie.

49. Paul. Grade: B-

48. Crazy, Stupid, Love. Grade: B-…Ryan Gosling’s movie, but there are five other movies around it.

47. Hall Pass. Grade: B-…Honest laughs.

46. Thor. Grade: B-

45. African Cats. Grade: B-

44. Source Code. Grade: B-

43. Bridesmaids. Grade: B-…This is hands down the year’s biggest con job. Most critics put this on their best of the year list (those bastions of taste over at TV Guide.com said it was the year’s best), and those same critics seem oblivious to Bridesmaids’s very real problems. For one, sloppy comedic shifts from broad comedy (shitting in the street) to tedious, awkward Office-esque humor to tonally sour stretches with no comedy courtesy of a sad sack leading character. Then you have to take into account that there is nothing original about this movie. Nothing. It’s yet another movie with women that centers around weddings (not unlike any romantic comedy ever, including the awful “What’s Your Number?” or “Something Borrowed”), yet somehow this is seen as a real progression because the characters say fuck and try to have sex…also not unlike What’s Your Number.

42. 50/50. Grade: B-…see it for Joseph Gordon Levitt’s performance alone.

41. The Help. Grade: B-

40. The Lincoln Lawyer. Grade: B-…Better than you might think.

39. Paranormal Activity 3. Grade: B-

38. Melancholia. Grade: B-

37. The Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Grade: B-

36. Colombiana. Grade: B-

35. The Muppets. Grade: B

34. Cedar Rapids. Grade: B…The Ed Helms gone wild movie you should have seen this year.

33. Attack the Block. Grade: B

32. Hanna. Grade: B

31. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Grade: B…A movie I wanted to like more than I did.

30. We Bought a Zoo. Grade: B

29. Higher Ground. Grade: B…a solid exploration of faith and doubt.

28. Horrible Bosses. Grade: B

27. Elite Squad: The Enemy Within. Grade: B

26. A Dangerous Method. Grade: B…a solidly acted movie that still felt a little too narrow in dealing with such large historical figures.

25. Harry Potter 7. Grade: B+…an entirely satisfying conclusion to a worthy franchise, the opposite of Twilight.

24. Margin Call. Grade: B+

23. J. Edgar. Grade: B+…deals with this complicated man in admirably nuanced terms, but the movie’s completely inert visual style drained the story of real life.

22. Super 8. Grade: B+

21. Everything Must Go. Grade: B+…Will Ferrel surprises completely as a drunk on a downward spiral.

“The Twenty”

20. Drive. Although my initial review wasn’t that positive for this film, I think the parts (the great opening scene, Albert Brooks’s shockingly villainous turn) are greater than the sum which is still flooded by too much 80’s nostalgia.

19. Kung Fu Panda 2. You can make fun of me, but this movie is pure joy.

18. Beginners. An under-the-radar independent movie that should be the movie to finally win Christopher Plummer an Oscar.

17. Rango. A delightfully strange animated movie that is the only animated movie I’ve ever seen that allows its characters to be ugly.

16. A Better Life. Makes illegal immigrants more than just a talking point by getting to know them as human beings. The ending was one of the few movies this year to make me tear up a little.

15. Mission Impossible 4. The year’s very best action movie. Some of the sequences have such life and pop, I didn’t have the heart to properly penalize this movie for a weak villain and overall plot. See this movie in theaters, where you can properly appreciate the skill that went into it.

14. Contagion. Like Moneyball right below it, this is a well-organized, skillful movie. Another winner from the Ocean’s Eleven team.

13. Moneyball. A movie made with so much skill, I hate to not put it in the top 10. Even if you don’t like baseball, see this movie.

12. Shame. Some critics have dismissed this as “all surface” but, uhhh, isn’t that the point of a movie about sexual addiction? I think the movie’s refusal to really probe the psyche of its sex addicted hero is a metaphor about someone addicted to skin-deep relationships.

11. Hot Coffee. Okay, so this movie didn’t technically get a release in theaters, but this HBO documentary about the various ways our legal system is being ruined deserves to be seen.

10. In Time. I know most critics would feel I’ve lost my mind ranking this movie so high, but it deserves it. This unfairly dismissed movie is the only one I’ve seen this year to really talk about income inequality…even if it’s through a sci-fi allegory.

9. War Horse. A slightly sluggish war movie (I couldn’t watch it twice) that had sequences so beautiful, it had to be here. Towards the end, there are shots so breathtaking, I felt the movie had found a place with the lavish old Hollywood epics it clearly wants to be.

8. The Descendants. A very good movie that might be slightly overrated.

7. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. A stylish, well made thriller propelled by a fantastic lead performance.

6. The Ides of March. What would a political site’s best list be without a political movie? Well this is the only one of the year, but also a damn good movie period.

“The Final Five”

5. Hugo. A slow moving, but rapturous salute to the dawn of cinema. The kind of “kid’s movie” that kids should be watching.

4. Take Shelter. A man begins suffering from dreams forecasting dark days. Is he going crazy or is the world really ending? Even by the ending, I didn’t know, but I think that’s part of this indie thriller’s magic. The perfect movie for a country that feels the best days are behind and vaguely senses dread.

3. Young Adult. The polar opposite of my third worst movie of the year (Bad Teacher). This movie has an equally “unlikable” lead character except that she really is likable. Charlize Theron gives the best performance of the year as a woman equal parts hateful, vulnerable, sexy, pathetic, and funny. The movie also captures the way that high school can make someone’s adult life miserable if they refuse to let it go.

2. The Adjustment Bureau. Again, critics will say I’ve lost my mind putting such an “ordinary” sci-fi movie so high on the list. But this movie isn’t ordinary. It takes a very real world and finds hidden corners all around it, so that by the end you’re questioning what’s been planned in your own life. If that sounds like a Matrix-clone, don’t worry, nobody would accuse this movie of that. It’s really more of a romance, and that daring in mixing genres works to great effect.

1. Tree of Life. This is a movie that two people will hate for every one person who loves it. But this movie has the bravest narrative of any film this year (no other movie would combine the story of how the Earth got made and the story of an unhappy suburban family). Every shot and scene throws the viewer off–it doesn’t have a conventional plot or structure–yet is oddly comforting, so that every scene ultimately just feels alive. I found myself wrapped up in the struggles of a Texas family in the 1960’s (Brad Pitt gives the performance of his career as an angry, resentful father), and not blinking an eyelash when the movie goes off into scenes of the creation of the world and the world after the world. In a year when movie’s played it chicken shit safe with sequels, remakes, and more sequels, this mash-up of Revolutionary Road and 2001 a Space Odyssey broke the rules for what movies could do.