Don’t worry, the ten best will follow very shortly, but I figured I’d start with a list of the worst. I like bad news first, and besides, you can’t appreciate the good if you don’t show how wrong things can go…
Dishonorable Mention: The cast of “Utopia” was supposed to be building a new society and having real debates about government, religion, economics, etc. but instead mostly acted like they were on Big Brother and screamed at each other.
10. The Supporting Cast of “The Blacklist”…There’s “geeky Middle-Eastern computer guy,” and “serious black boss guy,” and “Red-headed Captain America guy,” and the seriously miscast “Berlin” who was supposed to be a major foil for Raymond “Red” Reddington, but (as played by overacting extraordinaire Peter Stormare) Berlin seemed more like a used car salesman from Borat’s village than someone truly menacing. More than ever, this show is resting almost entirely on James Spader’s shoulders.
9. Joe MacMillian (played by Lee Pace) from “Halt and Catch Fire”…Joe MacMillian is supposed to be a Don Draper-style con artist/visionary, but he usually just comes across as a dickhead.
8. John Mulaney from “Mulaney”…I know this one is harsh since stand-up John Mulaney is sort-of playing himself, and it’s hard to know exactly where his terrible acting ends and his horrible writing begins, but how someone can be asked to write a vanity project that will show exactly who they are to the world, and they choose to portray themselves as Seinfeld-reimagined-as-a-Mormon is beyond me.
7. Detective Sonya Cross (played by Diane Kruger) from “The Bridge”…Whoever came up with the bright idea of having a blonde autistic Texas woman (played by a blonde stiff German woman) as the lead character in a show that is really about the moral ambiguity of the Mexican drug trade was mistaken. Cross’ inflexible moral code is not merely racist (she’s presented as a paragon of justice in a corrupt Mexican land), but uninvolving. Whenever she’s on-screen, we countdown the seconds until we can follow Damian Birchir’s far-more-interesting and conflicted Juarez detective.
6. [Tie] Mary Charles Calloway (played by Erica Ash) from “Survivor’s Remorse” and Kay (played by Tymberlee Hill) from “Marry Me”…Any sitcoms need a pair of sexually aggressive black lesbians who bring up that they’re lesbians in every scene they’re in? Anyone? Marry Me’s “Kay” is a particularly egregious example of two-for-one tokenism in a show that’s only other black character (Tim Meadows) is also gay.
5. Couples That Could Be Brother & Sister, As Seen in “Manhattan Love Story” and “A to Z”…Most of the new Fall shows that failed quickly were romantic comedies, but what’s interesting is how little was made of the trend that most of these rom-coms featured a lead couple that could be brother and sister. Creepy offenders include: Jake and Annie on “Marry Me” (dark hair, pale skin, fairly tall, similar voices and mannerisms), Dana and what’s-his-face on “Manhattan Love Story” (blonde highlights mixed into spiky hair, thin body types) and especially Andrew and Zelda on A to Z (dark eyes and hair against pale skin, short, thin, large eyes in thin faces) who even sound alike. All too often, broadcast TV forgets that opposites attract…
4. Bill Masters (played by Michael Sheen) from Masters of Sex…One of the most unlikable leading characters in ages. Every time he takes even a baby step towards sympathetic (which is usually closer to “pitiful” than sympathetic) he does something like punch his bullied younger brother in the face or royally fuck over his wife or mistress/research-partner.
3. Annalise Keating and Sam Keating (played by Viola Davis and Tom Verica)…Another negative portrayal of an interracial couple on TV. Black men/white women are lucky to be (practically invisible) when black women/white men are usually either villains, “destined” to break up and get with same race partners, or killed off. In just the pilot for this show, at least one half of this couple are all three of those negative. All…three…negatives…in…the…first…episode.
2. [Tie] Detective Emmet Carver from “Gracepoint” and Detective Sarah Linden from “The Killing” (played by David Tennant and Mireille Enos, respectively)…Two extraordinarily unlikable and borderline incompetent detectives. The Killing’s Linden has the social skills of a wolverine and even the shortened 4th season felt like a repetitive series of scenes where she barrages into a room and is quickly told to get the hell out. Then there’s Gracepoint’s Carver, who seems to go out of his way to be an asshole, even when there is no real value to the case in him being that way, all while constantly talking down to his female partner about “real detective work” even though 9/10ths of his decisions on the case are proven to be wrong.
1. Barry Al-Fayeed (played by Adam Rayner) and his wife Molly Al-Fayeed (played by Jennifer Finnigan) from Tyrant…I do realize that this should be an example of a positive interracial couple on TV since Barry and Molly are clearly portrayed as the “good guys” on Tyrant, but the problem is that Barry is so clueless he usually winds up doing more damage than the bad guys. This is the kind-of guy who spent most of his adulthood in America, but thinks he’s a liberator when he uses the CIA to help stage a coup against his own brother who would gladly step down as president/dictator of their home country if Barry only asked him. He doesn’t get that he’s just as much a colonialist as any Bush-era neo-con, and his wife doesn’t seem to get much of anything, nagging him about “family time” with the kids while being oblivious to the dangerous plotting going on all around her.
I agree with number 1. The Al-Fayeed family is one to hate. Tyrant started out great but quickly went sour.
Great review of the worst characters of 2014.
Keep writing!
Haha. I agree with #1.