An old guy not in the best of shape was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy and beautiful young woman. He asked the nearby trainer, “What machine should I use in here to impress that cute young thing over there with the great body?” The trainer looked him up and down…
Category: Mindless Mondays
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Transformers 3
What can you even say about a Transformers movie? “It’s there” is about the nicest thing. Michael Bay is such a special needs director that you feel like giving him a passing grade just for turning in a movie on time (his signature 4th of July slot) and letting him finally graduate so you don’t…
Movie Review: Bad Teacher
It’s not often a movie is brave enough to put the word “bad” in its title. Rarer still is the one that has an obnoxious advertising campaign, a script that’s short on laughs, and the most unlikable lead character I’ve seen in a movie this year…yet still manages to get me to go against my…
Entertainment Editorial: Drive In Movies
I try something the site never has before with this item: nostalgia. I can still remember the first time I went to a drive in theater. It was the Summer of 1996 and the Drive In had just opened–this was before the traditional movie theater went bankrupt and used as a squatter building for meth…
TV Review: Men of a Certain Age
Few shows on TV (and absolutely no shows on TNT) are better than Men of a Certain Age. And yet few shows on TV make me more hesitant to admit I watch them religiously. Sure, you might get cool points for talking up flashy violence like Sons of Anarchy or my personal favorite show Breaking…
Mom Jokes: A Woman’s Diary Vs. a Man’s Diary
Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t…
Entertainment Editorial: Movie Trailer Hell
By that title I mean being stuck in a movie theater while a trailer plays that you have seen, approximately, 4,000 times. It isn’t just that the preview is bad, it’s that it’s BECOME bad because of the sheer volume of times you’ve been forced to watch it. Though if the trailer really sucks seeing…
Mom Jokes
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good…
Monday Morning Movie Review: Midnight in Paris
Today brings the latest gritty slice of life drama from Woody NoSnitchin’ Allen, Midnight in Paris. I’m just fucking with you, it’s Woody’s latest slight comedy that doesn’t seem to take place in a world that uses money to pay for anything. All of the characters are well off (even the historical hallucinations Owen Wilson’s…
Entertainment Editorial: Let’s Deport British, Canadian, and Australian Actors!
This week is going to be illegal immigrant week here on Alabama Liberal, but today I’d like to address the real problem. Instead of deporting Mexicans deboning chickens at Tyson Foods, we ought to be focusing on the real menace to society that’s hogging up all the good jobs: the British, Irish, Scottish, South African,…
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: The Green Lantern
If you’ve seen any of this movie’s 150 million dollars worth of advertising (the whole thing supposedly cost over 300 million to make and distribute) you know what it’s about. [If you haven’t seen any previews for this movie…what are you doing on this website Amish children?] And maybe that’s the problem. I knew so…
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Mr. Popper’s Penguins
Just when you thought Hollywood couldn’t stoop any lower, here comes this movie that blatantly steals an idea. You might be wondering what idea the movie steals, welllllll, I’ll tell you. This movie is a brazen rip off of the popular children’s book Mr. Fletcher’s Pigeons, written by yours truly. I’m so mad I’m calling…
TV Review: The Killing
You don’t know how bad I wish I could spoil AMC’s first season finale of The Killing. I literally can’t because the killer was still not revealed even after a very long season. I think the actual episode number of The Killing was only 12 or 13 but it felt more like a full season…