Anyone can take one look at this Mark Wahlberg thriller (dumped into the Friday the 13th slot in mid-JANUARY no less) and tell it’s going to be generic. They can listen to some random thug threaten his wife and Wahlberg scowl “Don’t you ever talk about my wife. You go near my kids, I’ll kill…
Category: Mindless Mondays
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Carnage
Most of you haven’t heard of this film (and probably won’t be too inclined to look it up after this review) but it’s a small, scratch that, VERY small film that stars Jodie Foster, John C. Rielly, Christoph Waltz, and Kate Winslet as dueling sets of parents who get into it when their sons get…
Mom Joke: How’s Norma?
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said,”I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?” The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.” The operator replied, “Let…
Entertainment Editorial: I Go to The Metropolitan Opera’s Hansel and Gretel
That may be one of the most awkward titles the site’s ever come up with but there’s no great way to say “hey, I just got back from The Opera” without really saying “Hey, I want you to think I’m pretentious and take my lunch money.” The Metropolitan Opera is an amazing experience, but since…
Movie Review: War Horse
After seeing this movie occupying a low spot on my best of the year list, many already know I like it. Still, let’s review it for shits and giggles. What Works: The last third of this movie really, really delivers. Some of the sequences are so beautiful, I thought this movie was a worthy successor…
Movie Review: The Darkest Hour
This alien invasion movie is lucky I didn’t see it before I made my “Worst of the Year” list because it undoubtedly would have been on it. The Darkest Hour is like any other generic “Aliens are invading!” movie you’ve ever seen except that it’s set in Moscow (and I would be amazed if it…
Movie Review: Shame
I ranked this movie about a Manhattan sex addict as one of the best twenty I saw last year, and that might have been too generous, but I still think it’s worth watching (as long as you’re not with your parents). What Works: Carey Mulligan–too often Michelle Williams’s sleep walking sister–gives the most alive performance…
Movie Review: New Year’s Eve
This movie is dog shit. I hate to start off the new year with such a bad movie, but here it is. [I’m using today to clear out some of the movies that I technically saw last year but haven’t gotten around to reviewing yet.] What Works: Nothing. This movie is one of the absolute…
Every Movie I’ve Seen This Year, From Worst to Best
To complete the end of the site’s first year, I thought I’d count down from all the movies I’ve seen this year (all 122 of them). From worst of the year all the way down to the best. There are still a dozen of movies I haven’t seen that I think COULD have wound up…
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Mission Impossible 4
It seems like everyone in America saw this movie already this weekend (who knew Tom Cruise could still pack houses like that?) but for those that didn’t…let me muddy the waters of if you should go or not by saying this is a solid B movie. If you like cartoonish action movies (I prefer darker…
Movie Review: We Bought a Zoo
One of the movies that opened during this busy Christmas week, and also (unfortunately) one of the least successful at the box office. It might be a one-joke movie (it’s literally in the title) but it turns out that that one joke is a pretty good one. What Works: Matt Damon instantly elevates this story…
Movie Review: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
I’ll be right up front in saying I enjoyed this movie. It may not be the movie I was hoping it would be (it was directed by the amazing David Fincher after all), but I feel it did the best possible job it could have with the book’s source material. I haven’t actually read the…
Movie Review: The Adventures of TinTin
At the risk of severely angering any European or African fans of Alabama Liberal (all…well I was going to say “all two of them” but there are probably as many people on other continents reading the site as those in Alabama itself), I have to admit right off the bat that I was a little…