We need to respect God’s miracles. And no I don’t mean babies (what kind of miracle can’t even eat a chili dog?), I mean breasts. My issue for 2012 is the illegalization of breast reduction surgery. Let’s take back control of women’s bodies!
The candidates for president have set about trying to tear each other apart. They make such lofty promises as “Cutting taxes,” “banning gay marriage,” and “Freedom of Light bulbs.” Well I’ve seen just about everything in this race–from issues like cutting taxes for rich people to…cutting taxes for rich people–but the one issue Bubba wants a candidate to take a stand on: breast reductions. I don’t give a damn if they make abortions, gay marriage, or pornography illegal (although it would make our weekends a lot more boring if they do). I want a candidate, ANY candidate to pick up my pet cause of making breast reductions illegal.
I realize this may not be popular in certain circles. But I want Republicans to put their foot where their mouth is on unpopular stances, and strike a blow for freedom against the tyranny of small breasts. I want someone to take a stand against the powerful Small Boobs Association of America. It’s the same organization that promotes only anorexic, negative A cup models on all fashion magazines and makes women with large breasts kill themselves on the treadmill to shrink a cup size.
Well I’ve had enough of the special hooters interests controlling the debate on cup size. That’s why I’m asking the only man who has made a career out of being unpopular, Ron Paul, to please sponsor some kind of “Save Our Tits” bill to stop the rising tide of man-made small breasts.
Now some will say breast reductions are useful for women who have back problems, but how unbelievably selfish is that? Do they even consider men when they make a decision like that or not having a baby they don’t want, do they even care what a man who’s a stranger thinks about this? And then there’s the other argument of women being tired of all the large breast attention. But that’s madness. Attention for large breasts is good attention. It feels men everywhere with a sense of hope, and right now I’m looking for a candidate to help inspire the nation with that same hope…Yes we can have a large breasted nation! Yes we can!
Hell yeah – preach on brother :)