The tireless researchers here at Bubba’s Sex Tips (each and every one with no less than a Bachelor’s Degree from Phoenix University) have been oddly captivated (yes, I did have to look up that word) by the strange story of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s ongoing bitchfest with the Leader of the Free World. Or as people in North Carolina call him “Barack Obama” or as people in South Carolina call him “Hussein Obama” or as people in Alabama call him “President Black Panther” or as people in Arizona call him “[Unable to be printed].”
Anyway, apparently there has some bad (but very petty) blood split between the Commander in Chief and the Commander of a state that illegal immigrants have to pass through on their way to a state with a future. Governor Brewer won’t shut up about the President apparently being “cold” to her at the White House, and some of his staff (I swear I’m not making this shit up) confiscating her cameras as she kept taking pictures of the inner sanctum of the Oval Office. Then Brewer detailed in her book exactly why his staff probably confiscated her recording devices: because she can’t keep her mouth shut about private meetings dealing with complex issues. She wrote that (like a thoughtful teacher scolding a thoughtless teenager) Obama apparently “lectured” her on issues of the border and she wrote that she knows the situation better because she’s close to the border…so apparently the Arizona governor’s mansion is now on our border with Mexico. [Sure she knows a lot about a country she never goes to by bordering it, just like her buddy Palin knows a lot about Russia because it’s right across the ocean, and I know a lot about Arizona because of my online degree from there. It’s all related.]
I imagine the exchange went something like this…
Jan Brewer: “Oh my God, we’re like…totally in the White House!!!!!!!!”
Obama’s Staff: “Can you and your aides please not take any pictures in the hallway outside the Oval Office?”
Brewer: “Pssshhhh, like, whatever! This is the White House!!!!! Totally going on Facebook [insert twenty exclamation points]”
Barack Obama: “So, let’s talk about the border. It seems like this new immigration legislation backs us into a corner on a pretty complex issue. It can’t be all just black and white–”
Brewer: “You’d know about black and white, wouldn’t you?” [Her and her aides giggle ferociously while whispering further into each other’s ears.]
Barack: “Right. Well, I still think this issue needs to be handled a little more delicately–”
Brewer: “Whatever! You’re not my dad!!!!!!”
Then Brewer scribbled a note immediately that Obama was being “condescending” and “professorial” to her, followed by a quick text to her best girlfriend Sarah Palin that Obama is “Like so boring…wish u were here instead grl!!!”
And then Brewer held a press conference telling everyone that the president is, like, soooooo mean to her and she felt “attacked” when forced to be in the room with a black guy.
Anyway, I’m not sure exactly what kind-of Governor Brewer wants to be by airing out such extremely trivial laundry, but I know what kind she is: a bad one. But one that I would, like, totally take to the prom if her mom would let her go.