Some may be unfamiliar with this story (and, if so, you’re getting your news from the wrong places) but a womanizing Hong Kong billionaire recently put out an offer that every heterosexual male——-and some cash-strapped gay ones——in the world should be familiar with: He’s offering sixty five million dollars to any man that can seduce his lesbian daughter away from the woman she’s with.
[His daughter’s name is Gigi Chao, and may I salute her on having a name I can spell.]
I know some lefties will be shocked that the old man isn’t more okay with his daughter partnering up with a woman (who actually looks quite a bit like a man in some of the pictures I’ve seen) but tough titties. This story is awesome. Think about it from a guy’s perspective: an old-fool billionaire playboy offers you sixty five million to seduce his hot Asian daughter away from lesbianism.
This is only the plot of an excellent porno film, and it’s now real life!!!! In fact, why has this not already been one of my recurring dreams? So I officially submitted my proposal to Gigi yesterday in an email that read:
“Wanted: Rich, Hot, Asian Lesbian For Dead Broke Redneck. Hi, My Name is Bubba, I Am a Professional (No Need To Get Specific) As You Can Tell From My Decision To Capitalize Every Word Since It’s More Formal That Way. You Should Marry Me Because 1. Your Dad Is Rich And I Can Buy A New Trailer Or My First Plantation Or Start Alabama’s Pro-Football Team The Birmingham Bastards 2. You Are A Lesbian So You Have Never Been With Any Other Dudes So That’s Good 3. You Are Hot Which Is Surprising Given That Your Dad Is Paying Someone To Seduce You (Sixty Five Million…Boy Is He Overpaying) And You Are A Lesbian Whereas Most Of The Ones I’ve Met Keep Borrowing My Flannel Shirts. [Hong Kong Must Be This Magical Place Where The Lesbians You See On TV——-The Hot/Professional Ones That Wear Suits——All Gather Whereas My Town Mostly Just Has Ones That Have Mullets And Beat People Up.] These Are All Great Reasons For You To Marry Me. Please Do. Sincerely, Bubba Merriweather the Third.”
I don’t even know where to start, Brody! I was cracking up!!
Thanks!
Now that is funny