Anyone can be a player in a big city like New York when you just have to throw a rock to hit a 5 foot 10 glamazon aspiring model. Being a player inside an area locally known as “the county limits” is pretty damn hard. Most women are 15 (illegal as my buddy Brad would find out the hard way) or 50 (we’ll have plenty of weeks to get to newly divorced cougars), with eligible women scattering out to Atlanta or Nashville the second they’re able. But a lot of men stay behind to compete for what’s left, too many really. In the rural South it’s like mainland China with a ratio of 3 cocks to one woman.
How best to distinguish yourself among such odds? Get a big truck.
You don’t have a big penis? Well at least let people think you do with an overcompensating, massive Ford or Chevy truck (no foreign shit) passing as just another symbol of how macho you are. Make sure you put a gun rack over the back glass—even if you have no guns to put on it—as soon as possible, get walk-in tires that belong on a monster truck in a car show to make sure NOBODY misses the point you’re overcompensating, and whatever you do, drive like you have no regard for anyone.
A minivan is only twenty yards away from where you’re turning? Pull out in front of it really quick and make sure to slow down. You’re driving through a quiet neighborhood at midnight? Rev your engine as loud as you can. A car—probably some dinky Toyota that you privately know can beat your bulky truck in a race but you insist it can’t anyway—is at a four way stop first? Run that bitch! You have got to show you are the alpha male in any way you can even if it causes a massive wreck. Just make sure you don’t stop after you cause it.
lol you called me out pretty good
I guess now we know why the women moved out.
HEY MY NAME IS BUBBA AND YES SIR I DO OWN ME A Z71 AND I BET YOU GOT YOU ONE OF THEM LITTLE RICE BURNNERS THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN HAUL NO SHIT IN. I CAN PICK UP FURNIRTURE OF THE SIDE OF ROAD IN MY TRUCK AND I BET YOU CANT. YOU CAN SAVE ALL THE GAS YOU WANT TO IN ONE OF THEM QUEEZR CAR HYBRIDS CUZ I RECKON ILL BURN IT ALL IN MY TURCK. WAR DAMN EAGLE
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