“What’s Your Number?” is only exceptional in that it is the worst movie I’ve seen in at least three month (at least since Bad Teacher). In fact, it is a very strong contender for worst movie of the year. Now, longtime readers will ask “But you’ve reviewed Big Momma’s House 3 and Gnomeo and Juliet?”…
Author: Alabama Liberal
TV Reviews of Some New Fall Shows, and Some Very Old Ones
I sore a blood oath (minus the blood) that I would bring loyal readers reviews of all the new Fall shows. So far I’ve reviewed the first 19 premieres to debut, and today bring reviews of “Suburgatory” and “How to Be a Gentleman.” But since two paragraph long reviews of those shows probably aren’t enough,…
Mom Jokes: The Lecture
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 am. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.” The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this…
Larger Editorial: Why Michelle Bachmann is a Red Herring to Distract From Rick Perry
Of all the presidential candidates this year or the last fifty years, I don’t think there’s been a single one to be mocked as extensively as Michelle Bachmann (keep in mind that Sarah Palin isn’t actually a candidate for anything but media whore). And sure, I don’t think much of her myself, which is the…
Petty Issues
There’s a curious lack of Republican debates this week. I was getting kind-of lazy counting on a shit avalanche of politicians saying embarrassing things every week. It’s a little weird to watch the new ABC show Suburgatory (which ruthlessly parodies the suburbs) right before watching Modern Family (which ruthlessly enforces everything that’s wrong with the…
Working Class Economist: If You Like Social Security and Medicare, VOTE Like You Do
I’ll keep this brief because maybe the big mistake plaguing liberal groups like MoveOn.org in their attempt to change people’s minds is that they talk too much. I mean, if you really don’t know which party is protecting Medicare and which party isn’t, then you probably aren’t willing to read seven paragraphs or even anything…
The Fast Food Critic: Reviewing Dave’s Hot and Juicy
Now before you think The Fast Food Critic has switched from reviewing greasy, disease filled food to greasy, disease filled pornography, that title is actually accurate as Dave’s Hot and Juicy isn’t the title of the world’s worst porno (featuring Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas), it’s what Wendy’s new hamburgers are called. Starting last week, the…
Entertainment Editorial: Is George Clooney the King of Fall?
So about once every three years there seems to be a Will Smith movie that opens on the 4th of July (Independence Day, Men in Black, Hancock, etc.) and it happens enough that his nickname has become “King of the 4th of July.” Which begs the question: What other time periods do movie stars “own?”…
TV Reviews: Reviewing 19 of the New Fall Shows
Today I go for a record number of reviews on the site as I attempt to review all 17 of the broadcast TV (that’s Fox, ABC, CBS, for about another two years NBC, and the why-the-hell-not CW) pilots that have aired so far. I have seen EVERY pilot that has aired so far (appreciate my…
Mom Joke: Chickens
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, “You’ve got…
Movie Review: Contagion, Call the Irony Police Because I Caught a Cold In the Theater
Although none of the movies I’m reviewing today are exactly bad (Warrior, Straw Dogs, and Drive do have their occasional moments), Contagion is the only one I would recommend without hesitation. The others are in between a C and a B-, but Contagion is a solid B+ right down the middle and is one of…
Movie Reviews: Drive
This is a tough movie to review as it keeps changing as you’re watching it. What starts out as a great, realistic movie about a getaway driver in L.A. then morphs into a relationship movie between that driver and his married next door neighbor. Just when you’re getting used to that movie, it then morphs…
Movie Review: Straw Dogs
Much like Warrior, this remake of a vastly superior 1970’s Sam Peckinpah movie was D.O.A. at the box office when it opened last weekend. Unlike Warrior, it makes perfect sense that nobody watched it. I mean, you really lose either way with this one. On the one hand, it’s a remake of a Sam Peckinpah…