Since Alabama Liberal’s inception, I’ve been doing this annual countdown. This year’s countdown is not only the most belated (sorry) and longest (nearly 300 movies reviewed in one article is partly why it took so long), but also possibly the best year for movies since I started. It is extremely rare to have a handful of solid A-grade movies, and more than a dozen A-minus ones not make the “Top 20,” and I think the top 5 or so of this year should be considered for any serious list of the best movies of this century.
The Worst Movie of 2023: “The Strays”…There were many bigoted portrayals of interracial couples in 2023–and you’ll see plenty towards the bottom of this list–but this might be the standout in trafficking in the most ugly “sell out” stereotypes imaginable. Once “Get Out” was such a huge hit, I knew it would lead to a wave of unabashedly anti-miscegenation horror films, and it certainly has, including the runner-up worst movie of 2023…
294. “Half Sisters”…A movie of such poor quality, you wonder if the people making it must be slightly unhinged. Bad Horror movies aren’t rare these days–the cheap genre has rarely been as prolific–but it takes an almost-intentional level of incompetence to make something like this. This 70-minute hothouse mess of racial tension and Lifetime movie hysterics may barely qualify as a “movie.” Grade: F
293. “Ex-Mas”…The 2023 crop of Christmas movies was particularly weak. There’s almost a dozen featured on this countdown (most of them not good), and it’s saying something that this shrill, irritating film was the worst. Yes, it is weird that Leighton Meester agrees to spend Christmas with her ex-boyfriend’s family, and then refuses to leave once he shows up. Once he makes it plain he’s uncomfortable with her being there, she continues to stay –and even trots out an interracial love interest/prop just to make him jealous–in a way that would make me think she’s more psychotic than lovable. Naturally, nobody questions just how weird most of the stuff that goes on in this movie actually is before the inevitable “happy ending” that seems more like a huge mistake. Grade: D-
292. “Missing”…The John Cho movie “Searching” was an unexpected sleeper hit in 2018, but it’s a gimmick that really didn’t need to be repeated, no matter how cheaply profitable the first film was, and especially not without Cho’s believability in even the silliest scenes. This one shoehorns in a disastrous portrayal of black women/white male couples (probably even more negative than “Strays” or “Half Sisters”) that is predictable and even rote. [After all, the first movie hinged on a catastrophic “date” between a young white male and Cho’s daughter.] Grade: D-
291. “Fast X”…Driving its way off a cliff for the penultimate time, this is probably the worst “Fast & Furious” movie, and that’s truly saying something in a franchise that had already made (lamely) resurrecting dead characters, laughable dialogue, and horrible-CGI into staples. Jason Momoa does what he can by hamming it up as the villain, but everyone else looks like they’re fast asleep–even during some of the movie’s racing scenes, which have rarely been less memorable. Grade: D-
290. “Swan Princess: A Fairy Tale”…Last year, I watched some truly awful animated movies, and this one felt the most unwatchable as it shambled around looking for a plot or passable animation for most of its run. My kids will usually watch almost any animated movie multiple times…not this one. Grade: D-
289. “The Mask of Golden Heroes”…As I mentioned in my “Swan Princess” review, I saw some really bad animated movies this year. Not only would my kids not watch this twice, they didn’t even finish this once. If a four year old says she’d rather do math work than watch an animated movie, something’s gone wrong. Grade: D-
288. “Knights of the Zodiac”…All the narrative interest of watching a fireworks show. Soul-dead characters watch boom-boom ‘xplosions pop across the screen as audiences just let the images wash over their eyes without ever really being absorbed. I would describe this sub-genre of CGI-junk-good as “amnesia movies,” since you’ll probably forget you’ve seen it about five minutes after watching it. Grade: D-
287. “Best. Christmas. Ever!”…That this film was only the second worst Christmas-themed movie of 2023 shows how badly the creators of these movies have misjudged what we actually want to see from them, such as trivial things like likable characters or a feeling more cozy than being in a drafty attic. Here, Heather Graham plays a bitterly-jealous “friend” who sets out to prove Brandy’s life isn’t as perfect as her holiday newsletter. It’s hard not to come away with the impression that Brandy’s character would be dramatically better off if she never saw Graham again. Grade: D-
286. “Fear the Night”…Neil Labute made this piece of crap? The once-critically acclaimed playwright who used to be the promising director of dark indie comedies like “In the Company of Men” and “Nurse Betty” continues his long slog towards the bottom of the barrel (last year’s crappy noir “Out of the Blue” was even worse). About the only thing separating this from dreck like “Half Sisters” is Maggie Q, doing everything she can to save this “Night.” Grade: D
285. “Shazam 2: Fury of the Gods”…The worst superhero movie of the year, and that’s saying something. It takes a special lack of effort to squander Lucy Liu, Rachel Ziegler, and Helen Mirren, but here the shoulder-shrug direction and unfunny “jokes” do the trick. Nothing in this uninspired sequel really works, and it’s not promising at all that the producer (Peter Safran) is the guy who’s been tasked to co-lead DC’s entire slate with James Gunn. Speaking of him… Grade: D
284. “Guardians of the Galaxy 3”…This is the worst movie of 2023 that many people mistakenly think is good. The actual end result is a mess; a hodgepodge of depressing flashback scenes, “why are we doing this again?” plot setups, fussy villains that couldn’t scare a toddler, and an all-too-predictable lack of romance for Peter Quill and Gamora. Since the actors playing these characters would constitute an interracial couple, it’s worth nothing that we never really saw them together (about five minutes after we learned they were dating in “Avengers–Infinity War,” Gamora is killed), and refusing to pair them up here isn’t “brave” in any way. The endings of these characters aren’t remotely convincing, and this tepid finale only underlines how overrated the “Guardians” movies actually were. Grade: D
283. “The Meg 2”…The worst movie I watched in an actual movie theater, as all the lower-ranked ones I could criticize and eye-roll from the comfort of my own home. I’m a sucker for shark movies, and am willing to rubber-stamp one that is done with any real effort (“The Shallows,” and “47 Meters Down” are good recent examples, proving you don’t need to be “Jaws” to make a good shark movie). But this “Meg” franchise is swimming in the wrong direction, with bloated CGI and spectacle instead of stripped-down, character-based thrills. Grade: D
282. “Paint”…I’m surprised this script made the Blacklist (a list of the best unproduced screenplays) a few years ago since the screenplay is primarily what’s wrong with it. Owen Wilson and a capable supporting cast of underrated comedic actresses do what they can, but writer-director Brit McAdams is paradoxically repetitive while also lacking consistency. For example, “Paint” repeatedly tells us that Wilson’s character deserves his downfall for sleeping with his co-workers and having an ego, but his sapphic replacement does the exact same thing. At one point, she’s even lecturing him about sleeping with co-workers…as she’s just done the same thing with two of the very same women…The deck is so stacked against our poor Bob Ross-wannabe, you being to think “Jesus, is it really so bad to sleep with consenting women and paint landscapes?” Grade: D
281. “The Tutor”…90% of movies Netflix makes are not good at all, and this unintentional-comedy is one of the many examples of that you’ll see towards the bottom of this countdown. “Tutor” starts out being about an ice-cold, privileged student with a fixation on his working-class instructor, and the movie could’ve been the rare exploration of rich, empathy-less youth, and the uncomfortable terrain “their” employees have to navigate. But there’s a last-act “twist” that completely undercuts everything we’ve seen before it. Grade: D
280. “Heart of Stone”…Nothing offensive happens here, but it’s just another blandly forgettable Netflix action junker starring Gal Gadot (“Red Notice”). Gadot seemed to be onto something with her “Death on the Nile” character (not only glamorously seductive, but one of the few roles Gadot has ever had that shows real vulnerability), and this feels like a regression. Grade: D
279. “One True Loves”…Essentially a gender-flipped rip-off of “My Favorite Wife,” as a woman has to choose between her fiancee and the resurfaced, formerly-shipwrecked husband she thought was dead. Since the woman is Asian and the fiancee is Asian, and the back-from-the-“dead” husband is white, the anti-miscegenation bent of modern Hollywood made it obvious who she’d wind up with from the first act. Gross …Grade: D
278. “Someone I Used to Know”…Another segregation-minded romantic comedy where all the narrative suspense is over before it begins since we know full well this is the kind-of movie that will never let Alison Brie wind up with Jay Ellis. The movie keeps insisting Ellis is right for Kiersey Clemons, but they actually don’t seem right for each other at all. At the very end of this movie, there’s a gratuitous nude scene for Brie that feels more like a closing-act of desperation or the beginning of a much more interesting movie I wish we had been watching instead. Grade: D
277. “You are so Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah”…We’ve reached peak nepo-baby people! Sure, nearly every over-50 white male is making movies with his daughter (Ethan and Maya Hawke, Sean and Dylan Penn, Judd and Maude Apatow, Johnny and Lily-Rose Depp, Ewan and Clara McGregor), but it feels a little more egregious here given the general feel and plot of the movie. This should’ve been a brutal satire of over-the-top brat culture and ultra-luxe sweet sixteen parties, but instead feels more like a celebration of it–complete with a lead actress who was cast solely because she’s the Sand Man’s daughter, while her actual movie star dad is a supporting character that shows up only sporadically. Grade: D
276. “Mafia Mama”…Toni Collette is surrounded by a nearly all-Italian cast of performers that feel largely interchangeable in this mishmash of “Eat, Pray, Love” and every mob movie you’ve ever seen. If you thought mafia comedies went out with “Analyze This,” this movie is proof they probably should’ve. If the phrase “‘Equalizer 3’ is a better movie about the real Italian mafia” could be uttered about your movie, then you’ve miscalculated somewhere. Grade: D
275. “Your Place or Mine”…A movie designed to give your eyes a workout as you’ll be rolling them enough between credits. Continues the horrible modern rom-com habit of using interracial love interests as nothing more than props (here, it’s Jesse Williams and Vella Lovell) on the way to Ashton Kutcher and Reese Witherspoon finding each other. Also, when people complain that modern romantic comedies are dead, I’m pretty sure they weren’t hungry for one where the two leads are apart almost the entire movie–only in the intimacy-phobic modern world could two people “fall in love” by rifling through each other’s houses with the other one across the country. Grade: D
274. “The Creator”…A dated Vietnam-war allegory at the heart of this “futuristic” tale makes it feel more like something that should’ve been made decades ago rather than a brave, new world. The general theme of “China good, Western military bad” is the kind-of reverse propaganda filmmakers should be embarrassed to still be making, and its romantic view of robots as oppressed people feels particularly tone-deaf for an industry where artists could be replaced by computers in five years. Grade: D
273. “The Christmas Classic”…Amazingly, this wasn’t the worst Christmas-themed movie of 2023, but it really says something about how clueless the makers of these movies are that they think audiences are trying to see bitter and/or jealous Christmas-Karens in their yuletide movies, and can’t master such simple concepts as likable (or interesting) characters stumbling towards slightly-better versions of themselves with a couple of laughs or a cozy feeling mixed in. That’s it; that’s all people want. It’s the movie equivalent of a “family dinner” at Olive Garden, and all the restaurant has to do is serve what everyone is expecting, but they think it’d be a fun “twist” to piss in the salad instead. Grade: D
272. “The Monkey King”…Irritating characters from start to finish make this movie feel longer than it is. Many creatives have complained about Netflix not giving their films a theatrical release, but movies like this show why so few get even a limited theatrical release. Grade: D
271. “Dashing Through the Snow”…When Ludacris is the most committed actor on-screen, your movie has a problem. Teyonah Parris and a talented supporting cast goes through the motions while Lil Rey Howery does that nattering, sub-Vince Vaughn-in-the-00’s patter thing that is never funny, but he won’t stop. Every time I see Howery, I think “Was Hannibal Buress not available?” And “The Mill” proves Howery may have been a dramatic actor forced into comedy all along. Grade: D+
270. “The Family Plan”…A Mark Wahlberg action comedy so contrived and forgettable, I’m amazed this wasn’t on Netflix instead of Apple. Is this a dark omen of things to come for Apple, and the type of by-the-numbers content they hope to produce? Grade: D+
269. “Joy Ride”…A movie I wanted to like more than I did, and I feel the rave reviews from other critics were also more for the movie they wanted to see more than the one actually presented by this stale, conformist “Ride.” For starters, it’s a strange paradox watching a faux-“wild and crazy” comedy that’s actually a brutal enforcer of the status quo; this is set in the dictatorship of modern China, and romanticizes that to the extreme, even telling the “Americanized” Asians that their real problems are too much individuality and not thinking about the collective enough. [Yeah…not exactly the rebellious spirit of other debauched comedies is it?] There’s also a ridiculous subplot where a Chinese movie star who’s a grown woman pretends to be a virgin so her fellow movie star will marry her…but why though? Luckily, this was a good year for R-rated comedies starring Asian women (“Beef,” “Quiz Lady,” “Polite Society”), so you do have options. Grade: D+
268. “Nun II”…Not as atmospheric as the first one, and five times as braindead. Some say it is “scarier” than the first, but only if you are scared silly by preposterous, turgid Horror films. The actual scariest movie of the year (“Skinamarink”) manages to do much more with a lot less. Grade: D+
267. “Priscilla”…Another dull film from Sofia Coppola that largely goes through the motions of themes she explored better in “The Bling Ring,” “Somewhere,” and “Marie Antionette” (unsurprisingly, Francis Ford Coppola’s daughter has never met a privileged white woman she didn’t over-identify with). Aussie actor Jacob Elordi has the misfortune of playing Elvis Presley only a year after Austin Butler gave arguably the most authentic rendering ever committed to film, but lack of specificity hardly matters since the Elvis presented here is just a mercurial, controlling showbiz creep that’s more an archetype than a fully fleshed-out Elvis. A bigger problem is that there’s not much to Cailee Spaeny’s Priscilla other than hushed tones, and wide eyes. The movie’s central argument is that Priscilla was a too-young girl denied her own agency in a relationship with the biggest star in the world, but this movie made the bewildering decision to give her no personality whatsoever. Grade: D+
266. “Goodburger 2”…A straight-to-streaming movie that coasts by on nostalgia and not much else. To say we didn’t need this sequel is an understatement, but those with a strong reverence for the original film might enjoy this…maybe? Grade: D+
265. “Love at First Sight”…Forget the positive reviews from sleepwalking critics, this movie is a millennial rip-off of “Last Chance Harvey” (an American and a Londoner strike up a chance-encounter romance while at a wedding where the American has mixed feelings about attending), a movie that only worked because of the thwarted dreams and optimistic loneliness of its older characters. Haley Lu Richardson is in real danger of being forever typecast if she doesn’t break out of this quirky rom-com rut soon–perhaps she should actively seek out darker roles like Jake Lacy did. Grade: D+
264. “The Hill”…I can’t even call this the best Christian-themed Dennis Quaid movie of 2023 (that would be the higher-stakes thrills of “A Wing and a Prayer”). This is the true-life story of a guy who overcomes a lifelong physical handicap to eventually play semi-professional baseball, but the movie makes the odd decision to spend about half of its (too long) runtime on the boy’s dirt poor, ultra-religious rural South upbringing before he gets anywhere near an adulthood playing baseball. Since this is an uplifting Christian film, it glazes over rural poverty as something that can be overcome with proper manners and praying hard enough–Rickey Hill’s upbringing is undeniably hardscrabble and strict, but the movie seems to treat this less as something Rickey is trying to escape through baseball, than as something to be nostalgic for. It makes the ludicrous decision to present Rickey as a character of such uncompromised morality that his biggest struggle is between being a preacher or the scandalous lifestyle of playing baseball–where’s my fainting couch? By ignoring what a sanctimonious bore Quaid’s stern father actually is, the movie denies itself true psychological tension for its hero. Grade: D+
263. “Somewhere in Queens”…I was surprised at how much I disliked this Ray Romano comedy given all the hard work Romano has done since his sitcom behemoth ended years ago (great work on “Parenthood,” “Men of a Certain Age,” and “The Irishman”). Part of it is the unlikable way the plot unfolds, with characters doing things that aren’t in their best interest–like a son who has no skills other than basketball being determined to torpedo his basketball scholarship–and Romano’s character being punished for trying to steer people towards reality. And Laurie Metcalf’s role amounts to little more than acting furious for 90% of the movie. Grade: D+
262. “The Retirement Plan”…Nicolas Cage made six movies in 2023, and this was the worst one. There’s a few nice scenes between bad guy Ron Perlman and a little girl he’s holding hostage, but the main plot and action set pieces are forgettable. Grade: D+
261. “Run Rabbit Run”…A dime-a-dozen Aussie horror film that feels longer than it is, and relies on somewhat confusing presentation to build suspense. Grade: D+
260. “Big George Foreman”…A great story is undermined by bad execution. I would love to see a documentary on Foreman’s unlikely boxing comeback after he’d been retired and overweight for a while, but this movie is weak, and occasionally quite gross (like an extended scene where a young Foreman escapes the police by hiding in poop). Grade: D+
259. “Assassin’s Club”…A good movie to catch a nap during. Henry Golding has the commitment to be a credible action star, but he won’t get there with haphazard movies like this. Grade: D+
258. “The Marvels”…A movie that sometimes feels more like a YouTube channel than a narratively-cohesive superhero epic. Writer-director Nia DaCosta treats the lifeless plot (involving an underutilized Zawe Ashton) as an inconvenience as she crams in more passionate (but irrelevant) scenes involving cats scarfing down crew members to transport them cued to a song from “Cats,” and a planet where they speak in music. DaCosta has talent to burn, and this might be a case where Marvel hired a young director who’d rather be anywhere else than cranking out machine product nobody necessarily wanted. Being honest, if nobody wanted to see Batman with an annoying young sidekick (Robin), why would they want Captain Marvel to be paired up with Ms Marvel? And Teyonah Parris’s Monica Rambeau is just not as interesting to watch as Lashana Lynch’s Maria Rambeau. Grade: D+
257. “Assassin”…If you haven’t been keeping up with Bruce Willis’s lackluster recent career, you can be forgiven–he hasn’t had a movie play in theaters since 2019’s “Motherless Brooklyn,” but he’s had a staggering twenty four straight-to-video movies come out since then. Sadly, his recent work has missed his trademark smirk, and there are scenes in “Assassin” where he may not fully understand the (admittedly confusing) movie he’s in. [He’s a supporting actor here, and his scenes still look cobbled together out of many, many takes.] Some Alabama readers may be interested to know Bruce Willis’s last movie was filmed in Bessemer, Alabama (whoop, whoop), and I’ll admit that fact combined with this being the very last Willis movie may have me being overly sympathetic on the grading here. Truly, the film probably does deserve its 9% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, despite good work from “Upload”‘s Andy Allo. Grade: D+
256. “Murder Mystery 2”…Other than a lively supporting turn by Jodie Turner-Smith, I can barely remember a frame of this movie. There’s something about a shootout inside the Eiffel Tower restaurant, and some other action…I think. Not the worst Adam Sandler made for Netflix in 2023, but also not the best (that’d be “Leo”), which maybe makes you realize he should stop making so many damn movies for Netflix. Grade: D+
255. “Fair Play”…A movie made with obvious talent by director Chloe Domont, but it’s her far-fetched script that’s the real problem here. It perpetuates the dated stereotype that men will grow hysterical when a woman makes more money than them–rather than the 2023 reality of most of them being thrilled–even to the point of torpedoing their own careers out of pure jealousy. The unraveling of Alden Ehrenreich’s finance bro is too unrealistic for the psychological character study “Fair” wants to be, but paradoxically not extreme enough for the Michael Douglas-in-the-90’s thriller the audience might want this to be. Ultimately, the movie just isn’t satisfying enough to be one of those lurid, sex-charged thrillers from thirty years ago that people kept comparing it to–things never really get dangerous until the very last, unconvincing scene–and a smarter, hipper 2023 update of the erotic thriller can be found in “Cat Person.” It’s a pretty big problem when “Expendables 4” has a hipper view of women and men quasi-competing at work than an acclaimed indie thriller does; speaking of… Grade: D+
254. “Expendables 4”…Megan Fox and Jason Statham playing genial mercenaries who compete for kills while flirting is one of the better aspects here, as is the always-welcome, low-key charisma of latter-day Sylvester Stallone. But this sequel is hampered by terrible effects, a vague plot that feels written while the actors were already on set, and a by-the-numbers villain that can’t hold a candle to “Expendables 2″‘s Jean-Claude Van Damme (whose committed nefariousness was a franchise highlight). Worse, the general low-rent quality of this sequel hampers the primary reason for the franchise existing: 80’s action relics teamed up (Dolph Lundgren and Sylvester Stallone are still there, but Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Ah-nuld, a retired Bruce Willis, and others that joined the franchise later on are all missing here); here, they’ve been replaced with a mostly-millennial group of no names, making this feel like just run-of-the-mill cruddy franchise. Grade: D+
253. “Plane”…Gerard Butler does his bam-bam, low-rent Liam Neeson thing. If I weren’t such a die-hard fan of plane crash movies, this one would probably have been ranked lower. As is, it’s almost watchable as the absolute “best” of the D-grade movies. Grade: D+
252. “Stamped From the Beginning”…The weakest documentary of 2023 is an extended dissertation that goes through the same stale talking points you can find in even the most remedial African American studies classes (or five minutes on pre-Elon Black Twitter): the Jezebel stereotype, the mammie stereotype, the black buck stereotype, “Birth of a Nation” inspired dangerous black men stereotypes, the white savior stereotype, white supremacy promoting anti-blackness for centuries, etc. None of this is exactly “breaking news” in the age of Trump, and the scattergun presentation is more “a mile wide and an inch deep,” than something that actively wants to delve beneath the surface. Some of this might be illuminating if I were a college freshmen, but as someone who’s already seen many superior docs like “13th” or “The House I Live In,” it’s easier to spot the difference between something made by a real filmmaker–that shows more than it merely tells–and something content to merely copy-and-paste. Grade: C-
251. “The Ringleader: The Case of the Bling Ring”…The documentary itself isn’t necessarily bad, but your enjoyment (or lack thereof) will hinge on your tolerance for the narcissistic subjects this doc follows since the majority of it is simply interviews. Grade: C-
250. “Prisoner’s Daughter”…Brian Cox is an actor that can make mowing the grass look Shakespearean, and “Daughter” stretches that thesis to its natural limit. Here, he plays a recently-paroled felon with terminal cancer trying to reenter the life of his estranged daughter (Kate Beckinsale) and grandchild, but sees some worrying signs with the men in their life. Too much of the movie is merely killing time before the inevitable ending, but there’s nothing head-smackingly bad enough to push it into “D+” territory. Grade: C-
249. “Amongst the Beasts”…Human traffickers have become Hollywood’s new go-to “bad guys” that may be slightly-exaggerated in numbers (kidnapping American kids by strangers remains a relatively-rare practice, despite what every straight-to-Tubi movie and CBS procedural may have you believe). Tory Kittles brings maximum commitment to a fairly standard thriller with a weird ending that looks like it’s setting up a franchise this cut-rate production will never have the money to make. Grade: C-
248. “Beau is Afraid”…This feels like a three-hour episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” directed by David Lynch mixed with a Coen brothers-esque belief that our main character seemingly deserves to be punished; a sitcom-y tone juxtaposes harshly with gross, surreal horror vibe to create a movie that made me uncomfortable from start to finish. Only an extended, mid-movie fantasy sequence where a man searches for his lost kids through elaborate, wonderfully old-fashioned soundstages really worked, but that is a five minute bright spot in an otherwise miserable movie. Probably, this should be ranked lower than it is, but “Beau” is certainly original, and that’s a hard thing to sneeze at when you’ve watched 300 other 2023 movies. Grade: C-
247. “The Island”…Standard revenge movie with a booooo-hiss villain so wildly over-the-top, you may find yourself laughing at the wrong times. Revenge is the dime-a-dozen motive in almost every R-rated action-thriller these days, but the nice Caribbean setting is at least more refreshing than the usual claustrophobic, grimy city interiors of abandoned warehouses and rundown industrial parks that these types of movies usually take place in. Grade: C-
246. “See You on Venus”…Beautiful scenery, but a pretty dull love story at the center. Grade: C-
245. “Book Club 2”…Abandons any pretense of being about a book club for an unnecessary sequel that still has nice Italian scenery, not dissimilar to “Venus.” Grade: C-
244. “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3”…Similar to “Book Club 2,” this is an unnecessary sequel with a lousy plot, but enjoyable Greek scenery. Grade: C-
243. “Happiness for Beginners”…Beautiful scenery makes this lousy hiking-centered romance a lot better than it should be. This is one of the many 2023 romances where the white male romantic lead turns down a more promising romance with a woman of color to pursue an irritating white woman they have no real chemistry with. Grade: C-
242. “Mob Land”…Southern crime films are ripe for a resurgence, and there are some decent elements to work with in “Mob Land,” like a strong cast where even John Travolta acquits himself well as a Southern sheriff (imagine!), but there’s too many scenes that feel completely unbeliveable–like a last-minute turn by Stephen Dorff’s New Orleans mob enforcer for not much reason whatsoever. Grade: C-
241. “Heist 88”…Courtney B. Vance is good as the smooth criminal trying his damnedest to corral a group of stubborn kids into the ultimate heist. But Vance is undermined by a weak supporting cast, cheap production values, and an overly-abrupt ending that feels more like the end of a TV pilot and/or “88” ran out of money to shoot a proper finale. Grade: C-
240. “Cherry”…I don’t like to negatively-review any films that have a quasi-positive message towards abortion, but “Cherry” feels longer than it actually is (barely 70 minutes if you take out closing credits) as we watch a young woman roller-skate through LA while trying to make the decision on whether or not to terminate her surprise pregnancy. Frankly, the decision is so obvious that the immature, struggling Cherry should have an abortion, you’re practically screaming at the screen “Why are you leaning towards having a kid?” Her list of “cons” includes such minor things as having no place to live, no job, no path towards a decent-paying job, a mother who makes it plain she’s ready to be an empty nester, no real support network, and a baby-daddy who is (correctly) dead against having it. Not to mention, the only real bright spot on the horizon is the offer to go on tour as a roller skater (this is a thing?), which she can’t do if she’s pregnant. On the other hand, Cherry’s biggest reason to continue the pregnancy is the foolhardy belief that having a child will force her to grow up. It’s hard to have narrative tension with a decision that’s this obvious, and that may inadvertently spread the message that it’s only okay to have an abortion if the deck is this stacked on one side. Grade: C-
239. “Maybe I Do”…Diane Keaton and Richard Gere are a married couple having affairs (to wildly varying degrees) with another long-time married couple played by William H. Macy and Susan Sarandon. Unfortunately, the coincidences don’t end there as Emma Roberts (daughter of Gere and Keaton) is engaged to the son of Sarandon and Macy. In time’s past, a movie with this type of contrived setup would’ve been an ace farce with Carey Grant and Irene Dunne (if it were made in the 40’s) or if it were made in the 70’s then maybe Jack Lemmon, and…well, maybe also starring Diane Keaton, since she’s been playing roughly the same part for 50 years. However, there’s a bizarre lack of energy here–Gere and Macy can’t even get it up for a fight–and the movie straddles the line between hyper-real sitcom premise and moodier, indie-execution to no one’s satisfaction. In the few scenes where Keaton and Macy are on a “date,” the movie almost taps into something deeper by acknowledging the existential loneliness of still-viral old age, but it quickly jettisons that for cheap gimmicks. “What Happens Later” is a much more mature work that might hit the spot. Grade: C-
238. “Hypnotic”…Despite Ben Affleck’s involvement, this feels more like a straight-to-Tubi movie. Occasional clever flashes can’t make up for a generally shoddy feel to the whole thing. Grade: C-
237. “65”…Surprisingly unmemorable survival movie where Adam Driver’s futuristic pilot crash lands on a prehistoric Earth to fight for his life against dinosaurs and the harsh environment that seems determined to kill him. While watching this, I kept thinking “I love survival movies…the premise is promising…so what’s not working here?” It’s hard to explain why this movie left me so unmoved and uninterested, but there’s a general feeling like I’ve already seen this movie and know where it’s going an hour before it finally gets there. Grade: C-
236. “Fingernails”…Boring…Jesse Buckley wowed me in “Wild Rose,” but has rarely showed that level of passion and ingenuity since then–often going through the same beats in critically-praised movies that leave me underwhelmed (“Men,” “I’m Thinking of Ending Things”). Speaking of boring… Grade: C-
235. “Menus Plaisirs les Troisgros”…I’m surprised the makers of Ambien haven’t put a hit out on documentarian Frederick Wiseman, because his films are the best cure for insomnia I’ve ever seen. If watching a 93-year-old director plant his camera in an acclaimed French restaurant for a four-hour long film where we see endless scenes of ordering food and menu selection doesn’t sound like the anti-coffee, I’m not sure what does. In the very first scene of the movie, we have a brief moment of interest as buyers for the restaurant stumble across the grotesquely-unusual oyster mushrooms, but then the real rhythm of the film is established in the next “scene” which is a 10-minute long conversation about menu selection between two men sitting at a table. Hulu’s overrated “The Bear” sometimes makes working at a greasy spoon look like “The Hurt Locker” in terms of narrative tension, but this 180-approach doesn’t quite work either. Grade: C-
234. “Finest Kind”…I love boat movies, and the (too few) scenes on the water are where “Finest” soars. Unfortunately, 90% of the movie is set on land, where we’re treated to an unconvincing lead performance from Aussie Toby Wallace, a miscast Jenna Ortega as a Massachusetts-area drug dealer (yeah, sure…), and some absolutely awful decision making by the protagonist. Taylor Sheridan–who produced this movie–is one of the best working today at showing the hard professions of working-class America, but he sometimes comes close to romanticizing that life. Here, “Finest” absolutely goes over that edge, with a hero who seems determined to throw his future away, and a movie that keeps naively presenting that as a good thing. Still, nice supporting work from Ben Foster, live-wire Clayne Crawford, and Tommy Lee Jones, who can do more with the word “please” than most actors can with a 2-minute monologue. Grade: C-
233. “Love in Taipei”…Inoffensive, but cheesy and predictable. This is the kind-of movie that’s hard to do since making it better (edgier, more realistic characters and a script that has sharper dialogue, more tension, and less predictability) would probably involve making it “worse” in the eyes of its core demo: approving moms looking for genial comedies they can watch in the same room with their daughters, as said teen daughter scrolls through her phone. Grade: C-
232. “The Out Laws”…A stacked cast keeps the plot moving (I think Richard Kind provides about half the laughs in his few scenes), and there’s nothing specifically “wrong” with this except that I repeatedly found my attention waning, and was surprised this was only 90 minutes without credits. Probably a movie that was a fun time to make, but only occasionally fun to actually watch. Grade: C-
231. “Blue Beetle”…”My Big Fat Greek Wedding” meets an “Iron Man” rip-off in this movie that slams together an annoying family and a generic superhero plot we’ve seen a dozen times. That this is only the fourth worst superhero movie of 2023 speaks volumes about why the genre is struggling so badly right now. Grade: C-
230. “Dicks: the Musical”…A funny and self-aware first half eventually gives way to a repetitive and downright gross second-half that makes this 80-minute movie feel much longer than it actually is. By the end, you’ll have seen much more of the “Sewer boys” subplot than you ever wanted to, and even if the grotesque finale wedding could be interpreted as a meta-commentary on Hollywood blindly shoving in “inclusive” gay characters almost as an afterthought (shows like “Upload” and “Ted Lasso” revealed characters to be gay after two seasons of saying nothing about it), it’s not clear that this movie is actually satirizing that recent trend. Still, Megan Mullally and Nathan Lane bring their all to these parts. A blooper reel over the ending credits makes you feel almost sorry for Lane. Grade: C-
229. “The Boogeyman”…Yawning isn’t a sensation your horror film is supposed to inspire. And there are early moments in “Boogeyman” that can be effectively scary. But I still felt I was watching a rushed “Smile” knockoff that gave off the unmistakable stench of genericism. Grade: C-
228. “On a Wing and a Prayer”…Okay, it’s Christian-propaganda, but I’d much rather watch this–one of the few Christian-themed movies that masters such things as narrative tension or actual stakes–than any other recent Christian film. Mysteries abound while watching this pilotless-plane film like: Does Heather Graham ever resent having to do movies like this? Will Dennis Quaid’s ultra-puffy face actually explode before this movie is over? At what point will the movie insinuate that the power or prayer is what saved from the family from certain death? Some of these “God only knows” mysteries are solved by film’s end. Grade: C-
227. “Supercell”…I’d love to see realistic disaster movies make a comeback, and this movie feels like a step in the right direction. Even if some of the CGI is pretty shoddy, and the main characters are far from fascinating, it’s still closer to a smaller-scale version of “Twister” than “Sharknado.” Grade: C-
226. “The Unknown Country”…One of those movies that critics will like a lot more than audiences. Lily Gladstone had a truly breakthrough year in 2023, and this role certainly shows a different side of her than the suffering, taciturn character in “Killers of the Flower Moon.” But long stretches of this movie are aimlessly boring. Grade: C-
225. “Showing Up”…Practically the definition of a movie critics will like more than audiences, who may find themselves hard-pressed to stay awake throughout the duration. I’ll admit to having to employ the rewind button more than a few times after catching myself dozing off–and I wasn’t tired at all before starting this movie. Grade: C-
224. “The Eternal Memory”…Yet another great example of a movie that critics will admire more than audiences will actually like. This is a long, slow slog into dementia that alternates between miserably depressing and quietly dull. It’s even subtitled, just in case you missed the loud sirens screaming that this film is not to be enjoyed in any way. Dementia is a horrible disease that deserves an excellent, serious film, but the presentations of it we’ve gotten on-screen have been bizarrely uncinematic–prioritizing internalizing behaviors (mumbling or barely-comprehensible speech, averted eyes, shuffling steps) over what the disease must actually feel like as you become unsure of time and place. Without question, the weakest Best Documentary nominee of this year’s Oscar crop. Grade: C-
223. “The Old Way”…For many, this was Nicolas Cage’s worst movie of 2023, but I think “The Retirement Plan” was slightly worse since “Way” is the first Western Cage has made, and it’s at least noteworthy to see his singular idiosyncrasies in a dusty, traditional Western setting. They obviously weren’t working with a huge budget here–the movie rarely inspires the grandeur of the Wild West with cinematography and lighting only slightly better than premium cable porn–but it still might inspire devoted Western fans to passively let it play in a room they’re also in. Grade: C-
222. “Maestro”…Bradley Cooper’s vain-glorious adaptation has the ignoble designation of being the worst of this year’s Best Picture nominees. Big Coop’s biopic skips over so much of Leonard Bernstein’s career and notable achievements (to a viewer unfamiliar with Bernstein, it’s not totally clear why the composer was so celebrated) that it almost feels more like Cooper is making an acting showcase for himself more than a film on Bernstein. I’m also non-plussed on the decision to frame Bernstein’s entire life through the love story between him and his long-time wife Felicia Montealegre (plus his lifelong affairs with men), almost to the exclusion of what he’s actually famous for. Carey Mulligan and Cooper both give Acting-with-a-Capital-A! performances in a way that can be unintentionally grating. Grade: C-
221. “Rye Lane”…A movie many seem to like a lot more than I do. Are the other critics responding to the hyper-real, bubble-gum-pop gloss on an extremely conventional story? Do they enjoy the somewhat garish, over-the-top performances? Was there something about the general plot they didn’t see coming a mile away? Perhaps they’ve secretly been longing to see a “Before Sunrise” story of young love, but without any of the realism, or deeper conversations, instead replaced with “wham-bam-Instagram-slam-ma’am” trendy slang and cartoon-character kitsch? Maybe, maybe… Grade: C-
220. “My Happy Ending”…A wannabe-tearjerker that is more grating than moving. Sadly, cancer remains one of the most devastatingly widespread diseases in the world, and that means there are no shortages of movies that tackle the tricky topic of a not-sudden, fatal illness better. Grade: C-
219. “River Wild”…1994’s “The River Wild” is one of those under appreciated 90’s thrillers that featured an ace cast: is there anything better than Kevin Bacon in creep mode? And Meryl Streep as a quasi-action heroine? More, please! Maybe we all just assumed they’d keep making smart, but audience-friendly thrillers like that forever. Welp, this anguished, largely thrill-less retread is proof positive Hollywood just don’t make ’em like they used to. Casting Adam Brody as a desperate, unhinged villain is semi-inspired casting, but his twitchier, more ambiguous heavy is a “bad guy” that may be more layered, and is all the less fun for it. Grade: C-
218. “Land of Gold”…A sour protagonist tries to help a little girl at great potential risk to himself. It’s not totally convincing that a guy like this–he looks like he’s ready to argue if someone serves him up something as confrontational as “good morning”–would do something as perilously unselfish as this, and the movie mostly goes through the motions before getting to its downbeat ending. Not every movie needs to have an uplifting ending (we all know life doesn’t always have them), but slow, uninvolving Indies that are really just vanity projects (the lead actor is also the director and screenwriter–not much of a surprise there) for a creator may be something we need even less of. Grade: C-
217. “Elf Me”…I’d be lying if I said I could remember much of this crappy Italian Christmas movie, but one thing that stands out is the undiluted strangeness of it. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a badly-dubbed, acid-trip version of some goofy American Christmas fantasy, this might hit the spot. Grade: C-
216. “Rally Road Racers”…An animated cheapie that you may not like very much, but your kids will probably sit still for–arguably the mark of quality for any low-expectations, straight-to-streaming animated movie. Animals racing cars against colorful backgrounds is all fine except this movie has some suspiciously anti-Western coded messages throughout (all the good guys are Chinese or Russian animals, all the villains “greedy, corrupt” Westerners trying to steal their home). Grade: C-
215. “Dog Gone”…By the end of this wannabe-uplifter, I wasn’t remotely interested in whether or not our heroic goober (appropriately named “Fielding”) would find his lost pooch or not. Like the boy’s worried father (played by an ageless Rob Lowe, the best actor in the movie by a considerable margin), I began to think Fielding’s quest to find his lost doggy bordered on insanity. [I might’ve even gone further than Lowe and his wife (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) are willing to by thinking that Fielding’s relentless quest, lack of basic self-care like eating and sleeping, and strenuously-agitated manner in dealing with other humans in his search signals much larger problems than a lost dog.] Still, this is a relatively-cozy movie to put on as background noise, and there are a few divergent scenes from the main quest that are better–like one where Lowe finally begins to understand his son because a more articulate drifter expresses things that can’t be said (or heard) between father and son. Grade: C-
214. “Please Don’t Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain”…Many would think I’ve lost my mind “recommending” this straight-to-streaming goof over more prestigious titles like “Maestro,” (as if a C minus grade is recommending), but this scattershot mess has a dozen or so good jokes, a cast that’s trying, and is apparently the only place to get your Conan O’Brien fill on-screen, since his looooong delayed HBO Max show hasn’t premiered yet…if indeed it ever will. Grade: C-
213. “Body Parts”…A mile wide and an inch deep. This short documentary brings up approximately 300 topics for about ten seconds each: MeToo, Time’s Up, body doubles, forced nudity for extras, the Hayes Code of the 50’s, the sexual revolution of the late-60’s, Bill Clinton, intimacy coordinators, misleading nude scenes, deepfake porn, regular porn, body positivity, differently-abled positivity, Rose McGowan is interviewed, simulated sex, movies as sex ed class, unfairly sexualized actresses, nude scenes being reappropriated illegally, fake pubic hair wigmakers, too-crowded sets during nude scenes, the casting couch, “nude” or bikini-clad casting calls, nudity loopholes in actor contracts, traumatic rape scenes to film, rape as a heroine-creating plot device, the intersection of female nudity and violence against women, the infamous boogie man that is the “male gaze” nude scene, “The Deuce” asking its female stars if they were okay working with James Franco, Trump, misogyny, (somehow) Roy Moore even makes a brief appearance, and there’s probably dozens more I’m forgetting. “Parts” pays token lip service to sexual expression and not being repressed…before promptly taking the most prudish view on almost every issue. [If there is anything close to a recurring theme it’s that actresses really, really don’t like nude scenes, and mostly come to regret them.] Of course, it paradoxically uses titillating footage from these very films and TV shows it’s judging (including some from shows Starz itself produced–same as the home for this documentary) to “hook us” into continuing to watch, oblivious to its own hypocrisy. Grade: C-
212. “The Beanie Bubble”…If you were to ask me why this movie exists, I’m not sure I could tell you. It certainly has a negative opinion of the founder of Beanie Babies, and repeatedly tells us that he wasn’t good to the women in his life. Okay…sure…sounds about right, but couldn’t you put that in an email? Did it really need to be a two-hour meeting? Zach Galifianakis could count this as the necessary step towards playing a true villain in a drama (I think he’d be as terrific as Robin Williams in “Insomnia” or Charlie Chaplin in “Monsieur Verdoux”) and Geraldine Viswanathan probably gives the best performance in the movie, but this too-long movie probably needed more than that; as other critics have noted, there were no shortage of excellent business biopics in 2023 that people could’ve watched instead (“Blackberry,” “Air,” “Tetris,” “Flaming Hot”). Grade: C-
211. “The Flash”…One of those shoulder-shrug movies where the fate of the world (or a world, anyway) is at risk, but who cares really? Here, Ezra Miller comes across like Jimmy Fallon crossed with Norman Bates, and it’s the rare example of a movie where an actor’s notorious offscreen drama actually did make me uncomfortable while watching him. That’s because I kept thinking the mechanical fakeness of Miller playing a gee-whiz, sub-Peter Parker hero was all too apparent (one minute he’s “genially” stuffing his face with spaghetti while having the dead eyes of a shark, the next he’s shrieking hysterically at himself in a way that feels mercurial). The plot is about uhhhh…ummmm…something with the multiverse, and that creates a good excuse to see various Batmen like Ben Affleck, George Clooney (in a cameo), and Michael Keaton (back in fine form) in the same movie. But you might wonder if anyone is actually keeping track of all this multiverse crap and where the strands are actually going, since it’s not yet clear that DC nor Marvel actually know other than some executives saying “we can fit multiple versions of our failed reboots into the same crappy movie!” like hyenas feasting on a bloated carcass. Grade: C-
210. “Rebel Moon–Part One”…A good movie? Nah, but I’ve been wanting Sofia Boutella to get a star vehicle for so long, that I’m almost willing to pretend this chat-GPT mishmash of “Dune,” “Star Wars,” “Warhammer 40,000,” “Seven Samurai,” “The Chronicles of Riddick,” and even “Jupiter Ascending” is a much better movie than it actually is. I like Zack Snyder a lot more than many critics do (his “Watchmen” is a masterpiece, and one of the most underrated movies of this century), but even his biggest fans have to admit this movie is an unoriginal disappointment. Grade: C-
209. “Family Switch”…Ed Helms and the buoyant Jennifer Garner can do these roles in their sleep, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have an appealingly low-key chemistry in their few “man and wife” scenes before body-swapping with their kids. Garner always comes across as the fun elementary school teacher you hope your kids have, and you feel almost curmudgeonly wishing she were in better vehicles you could actually enjoy. Still, “Yes Day” had the better premise of “how do we stop our kids from killing themselves by stopping their dumbest impulses without becoming total killjoys?” that parents may relate to a little better. Grade: C-
208. “Shotgun Wedding”…A good movie? No, but the island location is at least better scenery than we’re used to with this type of clunky action comedy. Plus, Jennifer Lopez proves for about the 100th time that she deserves better material, and is believable in just about any role. And even if the actual villains lean hard into Hollywood’s negative portrayals of interracial couples, at least it’s a pair of actors who are playing hard against type. Grade: C-
207. “Biosphere”…It’s frustrating because there probably is a good movie in here somewhere, but the pacing straight sucks (it’s nearly half over before the true plot of biological “flipping” even really kicks in), and that’s a problem for a movie that’s essentially a play–as we watch two old friends live out their days in a biosphere built to protect them specifically from the end of the world. This movie has some interesting themes like gender-flipped reproduction to save a species, guilt over being the catastrophically incompetent President that ended the world, and what constitutes a woman (or man) when only two men are left on Earth? But writer-star Jay Duplass can’t coherently present these topics into a narrative. Right at the moment it looks like he’s getting close, the movie ends, but then why not make the aimless first hour much shorter? Grade: C-
206. “Daliland”…Somehow, this movie makes celebrated surrealist Salvador Dali look boring, as Ben Kingsley plays him as a self-infatuated gasbag with more gimmicks than true artistic inspiration. I have no idea if that is how the actual Salvador Dali was, but since this movie isn’t really a warts-and-all biopic, I think the unflattering portrayal is largely unintentional. Still, some appealing sensuality, generous female nudity, and handsome photography make it a little more pleasant than it would’ve been otherwise. Grade: C-
205. “Ghosted”…You have to believe Chris Evans and Ana De Armas get their pick of scripts, and could star in almost anything they wanted to. If you’re anything like me, you might wonder why they keep spending their capital on generic espionage capers like this movie or last year’s “The Gray Man?” But this clunker doesn’t just squander Evans and De Armas, there’s also a ridiculously abundant supporting cast involving Adrien Brody, Amy Sedaris, Anthony Mackie, John Cho, Sebastian Stan, Tim Blake Nelson, the effervescent Tiya Sircar, Anna Deavere Smith, and probably more I’m forgetting. Only “Asteroid City” wastes an even more talented cast. Speaking of… Grade: C-
204. “Asteroid City”…A jaw-dropping misfire that assembles the best cast I’ve ever seen in a movie, and largely squanders it: Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston, Scarlett Johansson, Willem Dafoe, Tilda Swinton, Jeffrey Wright, Edward Norton, Hong Chau, Jeff Goldblum, Margot Robbie, and about a dozen others. Wow, it would be faster to name the greatest living actors not in “Asteroid.” So why in the hell would Wes Anderson focus his movie on Jason Schwartzman as the lead? That I had time to ponder this showed the level of emotional attachment to Anderson’s story-within-a-story-or-something airless meta-narrative that had the overly-complex narrative of a Shane Carruth movie, but with even less laughs. Scene after scene unfolds with a stilted archness that morphs into actual wit, but creates too much detachment for us to care what happens. And I’m saying this as someone who hasn’t felt that way of some of Anderson’s similarly-styled movies in the past. This, and his other most recent film (“The French Dispatch”) are his only movies I haven’t unequivocally liked–perhaps a signal that things are trending downward. Although critics are still pretending to love Anderson, it’s revealing that his only Oscar-nominated work of 2023 is the superior short film “The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar.” Grade: C
203. “Radical Wolfe”…A documentary that may do more harm than good to the legacy of once-mighty author Tom Wolfe. For starters, “radical” is not a word many would use to describe the fussy, temperamentally mild, long married and morally-prim, moderate-conservative author presented here–and you can almost feel the strain of the filmmakers trying to fill a mere-75 minutes on Wolfe by rotating in more colorful authors like Hunter S. Thompson (who Wolfe had a quasi-friendship with) and Norman Mailer (who Wolfe had a heated “literary feud” with). To be completely fair to the filmmakers, the electricity that crackles through Wolfe’s best work–he’s about the only recent author who could get me to read a 700-page book in a weekend–isn’t the easiest thing to translate to film, putting Wolfe in the odd position of being really exciting at something that isn’t obviously cinematic. Grade: C
202. “Life Upside Down”…If any red-staters are curious about just how different CoVid actually was in blue cities within blue states, this movie (shot almost-entirely on cell phones and tablets during the height of the pandemic) might serve as a good historical document for posterity’s sake. As a movie, it’s about as entertaining as a Zoom call, but a talented cast including Danny Huston, Radha Mitchell, and the always-watchable Bob Odenkirk might tempt you to finish the whole thing while you fold laundry or something. And somewhere in there is a better movie explicitly about what happens when jet-setting, go-go LA couples are forced to spend actual time together (I hear the divorce rate sky-rocketed). That could’ve been a good examination of the artifice we need to be “happy,” but “Upside” never turns into a modern “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” since it adamantly keeps its core cast separated by CoVid protocols. Grade: C
201. “South to Black Power”…Like most New York Times reporters, Charles Blow has an extremely high opinion of himself, and often in this “documentary”/vanity-thesis, Blow comes across as someone Tom Wolfe would’ve written a scathingly perceptive article about. For starters, what he’s proposing isn’t remotely his own idea, and it takes a (possibly deliberate) special sense of omission to make a doc like this, and not interview Stacy Abrams–who actually mobilized the black vote in Georgia for the first time since reconstruction–or go into depth on what she did, and how the Democratic Party in other Southern states should be doing the same (assuming Alabama had a functional state Democratic Party). The documentary is a little bit stronger when it abandons all pretense of being about a winning strategy for liberals in the Southeast, and just focuses on Blow’s past life, career, Southern relatives, and return to Southern living after decades away from it. Grade: C
200. “About My Father”…Sebastian Maniscalco and Robert De Niro have a believable father-son chemistry, and it’s a nice twist to have De Niro’s working-class snob father be the one who’s against his son marrying into a more “comfortable” family instead of the more affluent family of Leslie Bibb. In one scene, Maniscalco hits on an interesting thread I’ve rarely seen explored in movies when he confronts De Niro about sabotaging the comfortable life his father has always claimed to want for him. Still, a lot of that is buried under a conventional ending that doesn’t feel totally convincing, and there’s a general CBS-sitcom-style execution that is rarely funny. Grade: C
199. “The Magician’s Elephant”…You could tell this wasn’t the best animated movie of 2023 because when I asked my kids if they wanted to watch it again (several months after the first viewing and actively looking for something to watch) their response was “No, we’re good,” then “that’s okay,” and “please don’t.” If the target audience for animated movies usually watches them as many times as a parent will let them, and small kids are ready to do just about anything else, that says something about this slow, largely-uninvolving, and long-feeling movie. Still, there’s a positive environmental message, and absolutely nothing a parent could find objectionable…sigh, which may be the for the worse… Grade: C
198. “Mavka: The Forest Song”…I know for a fact that I watched this movie. I sat there, and let the images wash over my eyes–and I made it to the end credits without falling asleep or giving into the compelling urge to do something more exciting like file my taxes. I know that for a fact, but if you put a gun to my head and asked me to tell you about this movie, I’d be a dead man. Supposedly, there’s some amateurish, but colorful animation that my daughter liked, and the story is allegedly a political allegory for something or other (I’m guessing…the environment?). All I know is that I support Ukraine, and if Ukrainians liked this movie, then haven’t they earned a little levity? Grade: C
197. “The Amazing Maurice”…I haven’t read the kid’s novel this is based on, so I can’t vouch for it capturing the spirit of Terry Pratchett’s work (as some claim), but I do know that this actual film is tedious, feels longer than it is, and the animation style could best be described as “not good,” or perhaps even “cut rate.” Grade: C
196. “DC League of Heroes”…I watched a handful of those straight-to-Max animated movies based on DC comics that are cranked out every year. None of them are exactly “bad” (or great), but this was the most forgettable, so I’m ranking it here. Grade: C
195. “The Naughty Nine”…It’s there. It exists. I watched it. Danny Glover looks like he’s half-asleep as a twinkle-less Santa Claus, and I didn’t recognize much of the kid cast. You could do worse for Christmas movies in 2023 (I’ve proven that further back on the list), but you could do better too. Grade: C
194. “Genie”…At long last, a 2023 Christmas movie at least gets the spirit of the genre right, giving us characters we can root for, and a feeling that’s more inviting than an empty storage container. Still, the overall quality still isn’t there, and you may wonder when–if ever–Melissa McCarthy will be in another undeniably good movie. Her Oscar-nominated turn in 2018’s “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” was a huge step in the right direction, but she immediately followed that up with the awful “The Kitchen,” the little-loved “Starling,” and mediocrities (at best) like “Thunder Force” and “Superintelligence.” “Genie” is another forgettable trifle in a career that’s become choked with them. Grade: C
193. “White Men Can’t Jump”…A remake that has no reason to exist, and it’s clear that the makers struggle mightily to “modernize” the uniquely un-PC 90’s comedy’s snap and energy. Still, Jack Harlow isn’t as bad as you might fear, and his relationship with Laura Harrier is a refreshing change from the original. In fact, the best scenes in this movie (like Sinqua Walls’s complex relationship with his father, played by the late Lance Reddick) are diversions from the 1992 original, making you wonder why they didn’t just make an original movie instead. Grade: C
192. “Gray Matter”…I’m rating this film higher than I might otherwise because I feel sorry for the shabby treatment “Project Greenlight” “winner” Meko Winbush received at the hands of Issa Rae’s production company (this is now the second season in a row of “Greenlight” where the “winner” is undermined by an unhelpful producer or production company, and looks unfairly unhirable as a result), and I think some of the best stuff here is Winbush’s direction. She adds real visual flair to a by-the-numbers script, and never presents things in the most obvious way she could’ve. Some decent performances are also found here, making this “not awful” film marginally better than you might’ve heard. Grade: C
191. “A Thousand and One”…Overrated. Yes, Teyana Taylor has the physicality to become a real actress (or at the very least an action-heroine) as just the way she walks commands the screen, entering each scene with a fully-formed presence. But there’s a twist ending here that dilutes undermines everything we’ve seen before it, making us wonder what in the hell we just watched, and why we were invested at all. Worse, I’m afraid misguided people might see the ending of this movie as quasi-validation to de facto kidnap kids to “rescue” them from bad surroundings (not that the life we’re shown for our hero is anything close to a bed of roses). Grade: C
190. “Saltburn”…I suspect reactions to this movie will be the most divisive of 2023. The first half is a cringe-comedy of “manners” (or lack thereof) as Barry Keoghan enters the viciously posh world of mean-spirited Oxford youth, and the second half eventually morphs into something more like “The Talented Mr. Ripley.” Along the way, Keoghan gets up to some of the grossest and most unforgettable sexual (but not sex) scenes I’ve seen in a movie. Even after “Saltburn” is over, I wasn’t sure I believed much of what I had just seen–I’ve seen a few critics refer to it as “psychologically incoherent,” which is kind-of true–but it certainly made an impression. My fear is that this is the kind-of movie that gives the self-pitying, faux-“victims” of the upper class an even bigger reason to be paranoid around letting in anyone who’s worse off, and it’s not like they needed much help in that department. Grade: C
189. “Renfield”…A memorable, fantastically unhinged Nicolas Cage performance trapped inside a crappy, generic horror/action/CGI-fest haunted house of stale jokes, repetitive gore, and muddled execution. Nothing is scarier than Cage’s black eyes and psychologically-devious manipulations focusing right on you, and certainly not the movie’s bloodshed buffet, that eventually leaves you feeling numb. Grade: C
188. “It’s a Wonderful Knife”…Cruddy horror film made on the cheap that is mostly redeemable for Justin Long’s inspired and deranged performance as a pure evil small-town mayor who may or may not be modeled off Trump (the fake tan, the ridiculous hair, the monopolistic skew towards his own personal wealth, and the absolute mind-control he appears to have over the townsfolk). I just wish the rest of this slog were anywhere near as good, and it’s all-too-cliche that a black woman and white male who kiss are among the very first to die–brutally murdered only seconds after kissing. Grade: C
187. “The Kill Room”…Hitman movies are so prolific that I bet there’s more fictional hitmen in the movies in any given year than there are actual hitmen walking the Earth. Here, Joe Manganiello plays a killer whose preferred method of execution is smothering someone with a plastic bag. Somehow, this emotionally-shutdown sadist becomes a modern-art sensation in a relatively-clever money laundering scheme (since no one knows exactly how much art is “supposed” to cost or where the money to buy it is coming from, cops can’t prove it’s money laundering) that accidentally propels him to the top of the avant-garde art world. It’s not a bad premise, and even if the movie is rarely as funny (or as convincing) as it would like to be, Samuel L. Jackson is clearly having fun in a supporting role that prove he’s right for a Nicolas Cage-style elevation into better material. Grade: C
186. “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts”…Despite the much-touted “stripped-down, grittier aesthetic” of this movie (i.e. “cheaper”), I actually didn’t feel it truly was much less bombastic than the Michael Bay series. Some people may enjoy seeing transforming, robotic-animals for the first time in the series–and I did enjoy that novelty–but everything else here feels “been there, down that.” Grade: C
185. “The Mother”…Jennifer Lopez deserves a good movie so badly that you can almost convince yourself that this typically-crappy Netflix thriller actually is a good movie. Even if the overall film doesn’t really work (and refined, overly-handsome actors like Joseph Fiennes and Gael Garcia Bernal aren’t exactly the most convincingly brutal villains for this type of vehicle), Lopez is ferociously committed, and holds every scene she’s in. I’m not really sure why a truly great director hasn’t tried to see what she’s really capable of, but wouldn’t it be fascinating to find out? Grade: C
184. “Bye Bye Barry”…I wasn’t familiar at all with this story of professional football player Barry Sanders, who abruptly quit the game in 1999 as he was on the verge of breaking an all-time rushing record, nor were the reasons he “shockingly” quit all that interesting. After all, the last season he played was for a dismal team he’d clearly been frustrated with for a while. Frankly, if you played for the Detroit Lions for ten years, it’d be more surprising that you lasted ten years than if you finally quit. As presented, Sanders isn’t an interesting guy, and so much of the movie is just commentators that never really knew him saying “Yeah, can you believe it? I mean…why’d he quit like that? I mean…wow, huh?” Grade: C
183. “Passages”…A married gay man has an affair with a young woman that she eventually gets pregnant from. The main character doesn’t even attempt to hide his relationship with the young woman from his husband, and so you might wonder what the narrative tension actually is? Well, there’s not much, as he bounces between the husband and woman, sometimes telling one about the other in a way that feels like he’s trying to hurt them (Franz Rogowski’s charisma-less lead performance also has a habit of staring right into the face of someone he’s giving bad news to, almost like he’s obsessed with their reaction to it). This over-praised international film is nothing more than a “love triangle” where you’re not sure if either person actually wants to be with the lead–at different points, they don’t–leaving it all feeling just a little too calm and rational for something as messy as what’s actually happening here, eventually setting us up for an ending that feels underwhelming. Grade: C
182. “Society in the Snow”…A long, miserable slog through a survival story many of us may already know the cliff notes version of (cannibalism + stranded soccer team = survival), and probably weren’t that eager to see contextualized. This year’s Best International Feature category was relatively weak because Spanish-language movies like “Snow” were nominated over more original films like “The Delinquents.” Grade: C
181. “You Hurt My Feelings”…Writer-director Nicole Holofcenter has been making a version of this movie for a while now, and “Hurt” seems like a major regression from the recent, superior scripts she co-wrote like “The Last Duel” and “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” (the latter feels like the kind-of more mature version of her style she should be directing herself). “Feelings” has all the usual hallmarks of an indie filmmaker stuck in a rut: laughably low stakes, characters that feel rehashed from C-grade Woody Allen movies (almost every major one is a therapist or an artist), and a dramatically comedic tone that rarely escalates to being actually funny or revealing deeper truths about the characters. Grade: C
180. “Subject”…We may have reached the saturation point for character-based, prestige documentaries with this documentary on character-based, prestige documentary subjects like “Hoop Dreams,” “The Staircase,” and “Capturing the Friedmans.” But after watching some of the subtly-bitter commentary from various documentarians that were being interviewed, I realized this is really more a critique of popular documentary films from yesteryear by directors who are (possibly) jealous they’ll never make anything people respond to. I’m growing weary of lesser-known artists disguising sour grapes as “empathy,” and found the central message of this documentary hard to believe since the documentary subjects who claim to want to be left alone haven’t been in the spotlight for years, and could easily go away instead of being interviewed here. Grade: C
179. “All of Us Strangers”…A manipulative, wannabe-tearjerker that almost every critic in the world liked better than I did–naturally, since it’s a tear-stained, quiet indie centered around tragic gay characters, so it was always going to get rubber-stamped on the critical assembly line. [And the gay characters run through the usual, cliched checklist: disapproving mother, father that never protected them from bullying but tearily admits fault, childhood bullying, gay clubs and drug abuse, and sex scenes more graphic than you’ll see with heterosexual movie couples these days.] Of course, the performances are nice since the entire thing has been made as an actor’s showcase, but there’s one twist too many towards the end that makes you realize almost none of what you were watching actually mattered. Grade: C
178. “A Good Person”…Florence Pugh and Morgan Freeman give this material everything they’ve got. A bloated runtime and repetitive, meandering script leave them stranded. Grade: C
177. “Story Ave”…A good showcase for exactly what Luis Guzman can do, as he plays an MTA worker who decides to help out the wayward kid that tried to mug him. I don’t know if I really believe much of what happens in this movie–a bit of a problem for something that wants to be gritty and streetwise–but the bigger problem may be a protagonist (Asante Blackk) that is hard to connect with. He’s a straight up jerk to Guzman, his own mother, and a love interest who’s also an artist that is nothing but encouraging to him (Coral Pena from “For All Mankind”). “Story” makes it clear that he’s struggling with guilt and barely-suppressed anger, but never finds a way to make it relatable to the audience, instead just featuring a dozen scenes where Blackk explodes at another character who shows him quite a bit of empathy. The ending robs of a satisfying emotional resolution between Guzman and Blackk. But not leaning in hard to waterworks scenes certainly can’t be said for the next movie… Grade: C
176. “Earth Mama”…Another one of those overly-acclaimed Indies that’s so quiet and somber, it feels borderline condescending to its own characters. Tia Nomore is not asked to play an interesting person so much as a muted, maddeningly-passive, forever-pregnant stereotype; what interest there is for the character exists in Nomore’s naturalistic performance, and not in the sketchy, vague script. Too often, this movie feels like something “American Fiction” would’ve satirized–and it may also have lampooned the rapturous praise “Mama” has received from mostly white critics. Grade: C
175. “Peter Pan & Wendy”…How many of these live-action remakes of their own films is Disney going to make before they realize it’s just not working out? You almost want to sit Bob Iger down and say “it’s not you, it’s me…” before listing the long list of flops they’ve made employing the “brilliant” strategy of remaking animated classics as dreary, magic-less bores like “Dumbo,” “Maleficent,” “Christopher Robin,” “The Lion King,” “Mulan,” and probably more I’m forgetting. For every “Cruella” (which had almost nothing to do with “101 Dalmatians”) and “The Jungle Book,” there are far more like “Peter Pan & Wendy,” which feels like a tedious British drama–Jude Law certainly seems to not understand the assignment–than an adventure story kids would actually sit through (I know mine didn’t). Grade: C
174. “Robots”…A clever premise, and a good performance from Shailene Woodley make this the very best of the straight-C movies. Even though a lot happens–this is no quiet indie made up of loooong takes where nobody speaks and the entire plot can be summarized in two paragraphs–nothing really grabs you, and the movie feels longer than it is. Grade: C
173. “Mummies”…Low-rent, but harmless animated movie that you’ll probably forget you’ve seen about 10 minutes after it’s over, but I’d like to see more Egyptian-themed movies, so that makes it a little bit better than the truly Z-grade animated films further down this list. Grade: C+
172. “80 for Brady”…A movie about four women in their 70’s that go to the Super Bowl to cheer on Tom Brady isn’t at the top of my “must watch” list, so it’s a minor miracle this movie manages to charm as much as it does. Maybe we should all just admit that Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Sally Field, and Rita Moreno are just eminently watchable, and we’d probably be okay watching whatever they showed us. How does this compare to “Book Club?” Well, the cast is equally charming (if only Sally Field and Candice Bergen could’ve been in both somehow), but “Book”‘s sole saving point is great scenery, whereas “80” at least feels more unusual. Grade: C+
171. “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves”…A movie I thought I was going to like more than I did wind up liking. Medieval fantasy comedies are (surprisingly) not a rare genre, and I probably enjoy my medieval fantasies more 80’s ominous than winky. Michelle Rodriguez is good here, but I preferred Hugh Grant’s cad in “Operation Fortune” (I think the one time rom-com star exclusively plays villains now), and Chris Pine has rarely been more generic. I was also turned off learning that his black wife died about 5 minutes into the movie, as it was yet another example of Hollywood’s abysmal treatment of interracial couples. Grade: C+
170. “Equalizer 3”…I’m not a fan of the first two “Equalizer” movies (the first one was outright bad, and the second one below-average), so it’s not exactly high praise when I say this is the “best” of a trilogy I have not enjoyed. But Denzel Washington has an eerie, commanding stillness here that is better served by the haunting, ancient scenery of Italy than it ever was stateside. The beauty of the Amalfi coast just brings out a different side to the series in contrast to the cruddy, grimly-claustrophobic streets of a rundown section of Boston that we saw in the first two. Still, Antoine Fuqua is just simply not a top-tier action director, often struggling to properly frame Denzel’s recurring beatdowns on this new pack of charmless hoods. Grade: C+
169. “They Cloned Tyrone”…Jamie Foxx’s unlimited magnetism is put to good use here, as he charms circles around the charisma-deficient John Boyega and somewhat one-note Teyonah Parris. The actual movie is a hazy hodgepodge of “Get Out,” “Moon,” various blaxploitation movies, various white-attacking-black horror movies, and every “they’re out to get you” conspiracy black people have ever heard about white people (the fried chicken place in “Tyrone” is somewhat modeled off an old Church’s Chicken urban legend that the chain makes black men sterile). By now, the “radical” orthodoxy of this movie has been so prevalent in media, it starts to feel somewhat cliche, which is perhaps why writer-director Juel Taylor’s villains feel a little vague in their motivations. A much better mind-bender exploring similar themes can be found in the TV series “I’m a Virgo.” Grade: C+
168. “Leave the World Behind”…Sam Ismael is a director of obvious talent. “Mr. Robot” was one of the best TV series of this millennium, and here you can feel the work of a good director bursting to get through a vague, by-the-numbers “end of civilization” plot (no, I did not like the generic-feeling book). You see it in the opening scene where Julia Roberts confesses her bleak aversion to other people–which more and more of us may feel these days–to the more-genial Ethan Hawke right before the screen smashes into an electric opening credits montage. Still, the narrative tension between the Roberts/Hawke family and Mahershala Ali’s never boils, and confrontation with Kevin Bacon’s too-brief appearance as a Trumpian survivalist also disappoints. By the time we reach the abrupt “Friends”-promo of an ending, you may feel a little cheated. “Knock at the Cabin” is a better exploration of the same themes. Grade: C+
167. “Linoleum”…A movie that may prove frustrating for viewers until you get to the “big reveal” twist ending at the very end, which does let the movie go out on an emotional high note. Also, it’s nice to see Jim Gaffigan getting more leading roles. Grade: C+
166. “The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial”…Director William Friedkin is the best 70’s legend you’ve never heard of (it’s undeniable he’s not a single-name iconic auteur like Scorsese, De Palma, Kubrick, Spielberg, Coppola, Altman, or even Lumet), and so it’s a little sad that his final film is a straight-to-Showtime cheapie adaptation of a long-ago play that looks like it was shot on videotape (the lighting here is poor and harsh for a narrative that’s set entirely in one place). Still, Friedkin’s unique skill at getting superb performances out of even the most unlikely actors is on full display here–I can’t remember the last time Kiefer Sutherland was this good–and Lance Reddick holds the screen with quiet authority as a judge torn between military decorum (it’s a little ridiculous how military court operates, prioritizing chain of command over evident truth) and a sense of true fairness. Grade: C+
165. “The Machine”…”Machine” is a little bit similar to “About My Father” in that it stars an older male comedian making a semi-autobiographical movie into his first real starring vehicle. I really like seeing entertainers find success after 50 (isn’t that a little more inspiring than doing it at 22?…like 90% of the celebrities we see), and Bert Kreischer never gives the impression he’s sleepwalking through the opportunity. The movie is probably funnier than “Father” by definitely being more outrageous–and I don’t mean “Joy Ride”-esque faux-crazy, I mean a guy gets a fist in his throat–and the borscht-thick, Rush-eye-ahn setting separates it from the Sandler-pack of places the crew films solely to enjoy a vacation. Kreischer is clearly trying to give you your money’s worth, and the effort almost simulates genuine fun. Grade: C+
164. “Operation Fortune: Ruse De Guerre”…A generic Guy Ritchie espionage comedy caper that wasn’t even the best movie Ritchie directed in 2023, let alone something special. Sure, Aubrey Plaza and Hugh Grant are good in it, but the overall plot is something not radically different from some dumb comedy that could’ve been released straight-to-Netflix or Apple. Grade: C+
163. “Luther: The Fallen Sun”…The “long time, no see” Cynthia Erivo gets stranded in the role of “dumbass good cop who just doesn’t get it,” while the real battle is between Idris Elba’s brilliant, tortured, wrongfully-incarcerated top copper and a sadistic madman well-played by Andy Serkis, displaying a psychotic glee that never feels forced. I wouldn’t describe everything that happens here as original, but it’s almost a good movie for the tug-of-war between Elba and Serkis, two cunning players at the top of their game. Grade: C+
162. “Extraction 2”…This isn’t a good movie, but there’s a great sequence within this movie: a show stopping, technically-impressive prison break camouflaged into a riot that eventually involves a train. The sequence looks like it’s done in “one take,” and is over 20 minutes long. The rest of the movie is barely “C-minus” grade, but it’d be wrong to sneeze at the craft put into the movie’s centerpiece. Grade: C+
161. “A Space Oddity”…Neither especially bad nor especially good; stretches are dull, but a fine supporting cast (the always-welcome Kevin Bacon, Carrie Preston, and the luminous Alexandra Shipp) makes it go a bit smoother than it might otherwise have. Grade: C+
160. “Lady Bug and Cat Noir Movie”…Two superheroes are enemies who fall in love…or something. I’m not sure exactly what happened here, but my daughter responded well to it, so that elevates it into almost being the first 2023 animated movie on this list that I can recommend. Grade: C+
159. “Monk’s Last Case”…The title is a little bit misleading since Detective Monk is retired when this straight-to-Peacock movie starts, but is compelled to reenter criminal investigations by the end. I only watched the first season or so of USA’s long-ago police procedural, so I wasn’t totally sure of some of the references made here (although you can kind-of pick it up, and none are that important for non-fans to know). Basically, Tony Shaloub is a likable, eternally-underrated actor whose title detective does battle with an Elon Musk-like bad guy, so that’s good enough for me. Also, the best scene comes towards the end where Adrian Monk is able to “see” all the murder victims he’s helped over the years, as they gather in an open park to talk him back into the game. Not a shabby way to go out… Grade: C+
158. “Super Mario Bros”…One of the biggest hits of the year because it successfully captured the nostalgia of playing a video game in the 80’s. I would argue that doesn’t necessarily make a movie good–the character development hinges on you already coming in with a lot of investment in them–but nostalgic childhood brands were clearly what audiences were in the mood for last year (“Barbie” and “Mario” were the highest grossing movies of 2023, and “Wonka” and “The Little Mermaid” weren’t far behind). Grade: C+
157. “Justice League X RWBY Part 1 and Part 2”…These anime-flavored takes on DC Comics most famous heroes might be of interest to the nerd-faithful. Grade: C+
156. “We Have a Ghost”…I would describe the main character here as more unlikable and sullen than he really should be (his over-the-top reasons for so strongly disliking his dad grow tiresome), but David Harbour does quite a lot with a wordless performance, and the ending is surprisingly touching. Grade: C+
155. “Cocaine Bear”…Often feels like a title in search of a full-length movie, but a good cast elevates something that could’ve easily been a straight-to-SyFy channel schlock-fest. That almost every review says something along the lines of this one-joke movie “is better than you thought it would be” only proves how necessary the involvement of Keri Russell, the late Ray Liotta, and the always-excellent Margot Martindale actually was. Grade: C+
154. “Boston Strangler”…Dreary presentation, and probably a bit too long. A decent movie, but it’s clearly influenced by “Zodiac” (another dramatic thriller about a serial killer who was never caught, and had unlikely reporters prodding on a sluggish police force) in a way that calls attention to it not having the crisp cinematography, tighter focus, anxious mood, or virtuoso director. Grade: C+
153. “Silent Night”…A miserable viewing experience as a boy is killed by a stray bullet early on, and a grieving father learns he’s robbed of speech by a different bullet (early scenes include graphic neck surgery to remove the bullet that could’ve easily killed him). We’re then treated to extended, wordless scenes of depression, marital disintegration, and–eventually–extended training for a revenge mission. The vast majority of the movie’s action doesn’t happen until the final third, which is where “Night” (at long last) comes to life. Director John Woo has been out of the game for a while, but proves he’s still got it with inspired set pieces like our hero’s car sandwiched between two cars as they all drive down the street firing bullets at each other. And the dialogue-free scenes flow easily enough. Grade: C+
152. “Past Lives”…Most anti-miscegenation movies aren’t consciously aware of the inadvertently segregationist messages they send by so often portraying interracial couples negatively. That’s not true of “Lives,” which features scenes like the opening (where unseen strangers try to decide the relationship of the Korean twosome who “look like” a couple to the white man sitting with them) or one where John Magaro’s character says that his “story” with Greta Lee isn’t as good as a Korean childhood friend who repeatedly keeps tracking her down across the globe, with Magaro even saying he’s the generic white guy villain in their love story. An opposite case could be made that the Korean guy’s obsession with a woman he’s only known as a small child is actually pretty creepy, and a woman immigrating across the world to cross your path is the better story, but “Lives” doesn’t make that case. Lee–primarily known as a comedic actress before this–is good here, but this is a slow, overly-quiet movie built on the flawed concept that we would root for Lee to quickly abandon her life for a childhood friend she’s not been physically near since adolescence. Grade: C+
151. “The Night of the 12th”…This French film starts with an eerie murder that is truly jolting, but soon settles into a suspense-less rhythm of merely having two characters sit in a room while talking in circles. The direction here is almost amateurish in its lack of tension, and most of the supporting cast is irritating (brutish suspects, macho cops entering each scene like bulls in heat). The latter may be deliberate as the lead detective eventually states there is something “wrong” between men and women. By using the murder as an allegory for all the ways men wrong women the movie is trying for something much more philosophical than the usual whodunnit, but it then backs off that topic completely–instead settling for a bizarre “happy” ending that feels unsatisfying, unfinished, and, frankly, unearned. Grade: C+
150. “Napoleon”…A curious disappointment since all the individual pieces are there for a great movie (acclaimed cast, legendary director, arctic battles in the Russian snow, an epic story), but this movie is stubbornly resistant to showing us anything the people who’d watch it might actually want to see. Like “Maestro,” this movie is less interested in a uniquely talented historical figure than it is in the tedious domestic squabbles of his marriage. Watching this, you don’t really get a sense of Napoleon’s military genius, and many of his military campaigns are portrayed so murkily, it’s almost confusing. Joaquin Phoenix also seems lost in the role, doing little but pouting or sitting back in a chair looking like he’s waiting for something to happen. Maybe this is how the infamously short historical figure actually was (hence the name “Napoleon complex”), but it’s hard to call this a cohesive portrait of the man’s life–even if it does show the cliff notes version of it. Grade: C+
149. “Survive”…A suicidal young woman is given every chance to actually give up on life when her plane crashes in a snowy wilderness, and she has to actually make an effort to keep going. That’s an interesting idea for a movie, and Sophie Turner doesn’t squander the chance. This straight-to-streaming movie (that I only stumbled across on Starz without hearing a thing about it anywhere else) may very well be worth seeking out. Grade: C+
148. “Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse”…A frenetic downgrade from the delightful first movie in every way. Even the critics hyping this movie to kingdom come have to admit this movie’s crop of additional spider-men/women are just simply not as engaging as Spider-Ham or Spider-Noir, and there’s eventually so many that they start to blur together. It also comes at a time when it’s easy to be burnt-out on frivolous multiverse-based plots where nothing really matters, but we’re asked to treat it with heavy solemnity. The plot is so hectic that it inevitably feels like desperation, as though they were terrified we’ll get bored if they take a break from the restlessness for a few minutes. Grade: C+
147. “The Pain Hustlers”…An okay, nuts-and-bolts explanation of what Fentanyl is, where it came from, and why it’s so addictive. If you’re truly interested, the Alex Gibney documentary “The Crime of the Century” is available on HBOMax, and the second part of it is an even more in-depth look at the creation (and proliferation) of Fentanyl. Grade: B-
146. “The Lesson”…Richard Grant is playing a similar role to his “Saltburn” character here, as the head of a wealthy family who welcomes the wrong younger man into his large, unique estate for a while–with some engineered deaths eventually ensuing. Nice performances, but you can sometimes feel the strain of “Lesson” trying hard to make the writing and editing of a book look like it has the tension of defusing a bomb. Grade: B-
145. “Anatomy of a Fall”…Overlong and overrated; I’m disappointed Sandra Huller’s over-praised performance was nominated instead of Greta Lee, Margot Robbie, Natalie Portman, and a handful of others. [Letting Huller’s overly-muted, somewhat flavorless work and Carey Mulligan’s Acting-with-an-A performance in over so many more deserving made this year’s Best Actress category a lot weaker than it should’ve been.] People have debated whether or not “Anatomy” actually answers its central murder (or is it?) mystery, but that hazy apathy could define the entire movie for me personally. Between this and “Night of the 12th,” I’m tired of overlong French mysteries that seem less concerned with their investigations than with flat scenes of characters talking in circles about sexism. Given the success of “Anatomy,” I’m a little worried the “who cares whodunnit? Let’s discuss bourgeoisie attitudes towards men and women…” movie will become a trend. Grade: B-
144. “Kandahar”…The best movie Gerard Butler’s made in a while–which may not sound like much of a compliment, but “Kandahar” manages to be more relevant, and more exciting than you anticipate. It presents a vision of post-U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan as if “The Maltese Falcon” was taking place over an entire country, with constantly shifting alliances giving almost any paranoid encounter the hint of danger. Grade: B-
143. “Reptile”…Benicio Del Toro’s ambiguous detective adds more layers here than the script itself provides. Watching Del Toro do his smolder maybe makes you think this movie will go places it has no real interest in. By the time you realize how little there actually is to it, the movie’s over, and you’ve practically been tricked into being much more intrigued than you might otherwise have been. Grade: B-
142. “The Little Mermaid”…Almost every change this live-action remake does to the original animated film is a downgrade, like giving Prince Eric a musical number, the entirely unnecessary inclusion of a queen, or the obnoxious “Scuttlebutt” rap. But Halle Bailey practically glows as Arielle in a true star performance, Melissa McCarthy’s Ursula is her best role in a while, and the nautical-based scenes look much better than the similar live-action remake “Peter Pan & Wendy.” Ultimately, this is one of the stronger efforts in Disney’s relentless effort to recreate every film they’ve already made. Grade: B-
141. “Trolls Band Together”…Definitely not as narratively cohesive as the surprisingly-good original “Trolls” movie, but slightly better than the mediocre sequel “Trolls World Tour.” This one brought back a higher-stakes plot where the Trolls are literally being used-to-the-point-of-death by taller creatures devouring them for their pleasure (it was laugh-out-loud funny to see the empathy-less sister scream about her “past trauma” living a comfortable life as a non-famous person), and I enjoyed the more surrealistic scenes like having some creatures made of felt, or the psychedelic bus ride. Grade: B-
140. “Migration”…Sweet, predictable kids that may not be very good, but is much less irritating than most Illumination movies (“Hop,” “Minions,” “The Secret Life of Pets,” even “Super Mario Bros.”). In fact, after the “Sing” series, this might be my favorite of the Illumination animated movies–which perhaps speaks to how badly Universal needed the far-superior Dreamworks brand. Grade: B-
139. “The Haunted Mansion”…Supporting actor Owen Wilson gets a handful of solid laughs in this “better than the original” remake, not that the original was much of a high bar to clear though. Grade: B-
138. “Moving On”…Jane Fonda is a woman planning to kill the husband of a friend who recently died, and Lily Tomlin is her former friend who’d be perfectly okay with that plan. The setup sounds like a unique noir, but “Moving” is more of a ramshackle comedy that simulates the actual train-of-thought of an 80 year old in that it is sometimes about a murderous plan, and sometimes feels like it’s forgotten all about it. The subplots aren’t bad at all though (including a sweet, rekindled romance for Fonda), and the offbeat nature of the film means we’re okay watching pretty much whatever it feels like showing us at any given moment. Grade: B-
137. “Sharper”…I like con-man movies, and it’s become a rare genre to see on-screen. After all, there were no less than six Nicolas Cage movies and just as many DC animated films, but only one movie (that I know of) expressly about a con game? Where’s the heyday of David Mamet when you need it? Anyway, Justice Smith is not good at all as the protagonist, and the movie contains multiple negative portrayals of interracial couples (Sebastian Stan’s con artist partner has some serious beef with him, and Smith’s strained relationship with his dad, played by John Lithgow, surely means Lithgow’s first wife was black and his apparently dead) that makes it hard to like. Still, Stan and Julianne Moore are the smooth criminals you’d almost like to see in a sequel. Grade: B-
136. “Thanksgiving”…Old-school, gory slasher movies are just simply not my thing (at all), but if you are a fan of them, then “Thanksgiving” is about as good as one can possibly be made. And like the best of George Romero, it even mixes some social commentary into the mayhem, as societal greed is what kicks off the initial carnage. But this film is based off the fake trailers that played in front of “Grindhouse,” and it’s notable that the 70’s-set trailer had a darker, naughtier, more memorable feel to it than this “more polished,” but less primordial modern film. [The 2023 movie even repeats the cheerleader-on-a-trampoline bit, but in a less-objectionable way that feels designed to be forgotten.] Grade: B-
135. “Champions”…A good showcase for Woody Harrelson’s effortless likability as a hotheaded basketball coach who gets assigned to coach a special olympics team of basketball players. This movie’s a bit of a tightrope since it easily could’ve been viewed as offensive if it went too far, or a little bit condescending if it didn’t go far enough. Instead, the supporting cast is presented as well as you could hope for in a movie that may be a little too long (and a little lacking in energy during stretches), but is good enough. Grade: B-
134. “Periodical”…A documentary about periods that is sensitive and empathetic almost to the point of being a bit of a snooze. The narrative gets a bit of a push when talking about the fight to take sales tax off menstruation-related products, a battle I wasn’t familiar with previous to watching this. Grade: B-
133. “Blindsided”…Short documentary about how phony the “The Blind Side” story actually was. As someone who always felt the movie felt hokey and forced–and would be unlikely to even be made today–I guess this wasn’t very surprising. The real-life Michael Oher is infinitely more interesting than his movie counterpoint (who’s portrayed as slow-witted and almost childlike), so you can see where he’d be tired of it, as well as a restrictive conservatorship that makes little sense for someone who has all their faculties. Grade: B-
132. “Silver and the Book of Dreams”…Some truly beautiful visuals (like a frozen ocean wave as the wall of a canyon), but I’m not sure I could give you an accurate plot description if my life depended on it. Grade: B-
131. “Blippi’s Big Dinosaur Adventure”…This isn’t a real movie so much as watching kid’s host Blippi show some kid’s play places in the SoCal area where you might could take your kids for some fun. Truthfully, it was informative on that front, as I hadn’t heard of any of the places Blippi and his sidekick Meekah went. I’m only reviewing it because it did receive a theatrical release, and I’m only reviewing it semi-well because only the most heartless curmudgeon could grade Blippi strictly. Grade: B-
130. “Trees and Other Entanglements”…A philosophical-ish documentary about trees or some such. It’s very boring, but a good movie to watch in installments as you’re trying to go to sleep. You can get a few nights out of it as you pass out, and some beautiful images along the way. Grade: B-
129. “Retribution”…I liked this more than last year’s Liam Neeson thrillers (“Memory,” and “Blacklight”), and since there will apparently be at least one Neeson thriller a year between now and the end of time, why not make them more like this one? The basic premise of “let’s do ‘Speed’ but in the family’s SUV” is an irresistible one, and the Berlin setting is unusual. Unfortunately, the streets of the city never quite come to life as a character in the story–the way LA’s gridlocked traffic or aggressive drivers were part of the cast in “Speed”–but otherwise this is a quick moving thriller that basically gives you what you want. Grade: B-
128. “Magic Mike’s Last Dance”…I’m a fan of the first “Magic Mike,” a perceptive drama about the dangers of a world of modern hustle where you’re selling yourself so consistently, you begin to lose yourself. But the sequels haven’t been nearly as good, as we lose such crucial things as well-developed characters and Matthew McConaughey’s memorable antagonist (a calculating soft-pimp hiding behind a mask of camaraderie, but only pretending to enjoy “hanging with his boys” as long as they don’t ask for a higher percentage). This movie at least features the crisp direction of returning-icon Steven Soderbergh, but has a soggy middle plot sandwiched between its two great dance numbers: Salma Hayek getting the private dance of her life towards the beginning (a sequence that had some women in my theater saying out loud “Zoe Kravitz is a lucky woman”) and the eye-popping London-stage production of a Magic Mike-like show. Not the strongest send-off cinema’s best male stripper could’ve gotten, but a decent excuse to hang with appealing characters again. Grade: B-
127.”The Shepard”…Really more of a short film, but receiving of a prominent holiday release on Disney+, so why not just mention that this is the best role John Travolta’s had in a while (damnation with faint praise, I know), and this nostalgic feature about a ghostly, benevolent WWII pilot helping “Shepard” living aces gets you there. Grade: B-
126. “Creed III”…A boxing movie where the actual boxing scenes kind-of suck–very little of the prowling realism of Ryan Coogler’s direction in the first “Creed”–but the melodrama around them is juicy. Here, our title character must defeat an old childhood friend that feels owed (a mesmerizingly jealous Jonathan Majors, in what will probably be one of the last great roles of his career). The movie puts us in the strange position of being asked to cheer on a privileged nepo baby instead of a “villain” who honestly does seem deserving of a title shot, but is repeatedly told he’s “too old.” Having these divided sympathies draws attention to the fact that the “Creed” series just takes it for a given that we like Adonis Creed, even if his competitors often have the deck more stacked against them. It’s an unfortunate subversion of the underdog-Rocky ethos that probably needs to wrap things up sooner than later. Grade: B-
125. “Sweetwater”…Somewhat-slow biography of the moment the NBA integrated, but still an important film about a player that isn’t nearly as well known as Jackie Robinson. Seeing the billions NBA owners make today, you almost can’t believe how controversial this moment was for the league, and some of the board scenes where the owners argue fiercely for or against league integration almost have that “12 Angry Men” feel to them–meaning, it feels like you’re peaking into something private that reveals more about the men debating than even they realize. Grade: B-
124. “The Last Deal”…Out of all the “I’m only watching this because it’s on Starz for free” movies I saw this year, this one was the best. The plot is just simply more interesting, as we watch a legal marijuana deal have to make illegal moves to keep from getting squeezed out of the business by California’s new regulations. The production was obviously made on the very cheap–certain scenes have worse lighting than if they’d shot them on smartphones–and the villains are generic, but there’s something here that makes this more compelling than similar direct-to-video releases, and the lead character is one you actually care about. Grade: B-
123. “Merry Little Batman”…If you’ve ever wanted to see a Christmas-themed version of a Batman animated cartoon done in the style of a more mature “Ren & Stimpy,” then this is for you. Also though, who are you? Grade: B-
122. “Katak: The Brave Beluga”…A dumb, anodyne kids movie that has some peaceful, ocean-set visuals. Grade: B-
121. “Candy Cane Lane”…The unmitigated strangeness of this movie actually works in its favor, giving us that cozy feeling without a plot we’ve seen ad nauseam. Grade: B-
120. “Four Quartets”…Ralph Fiennes tries his best to bring T.S. Eliot to life as well as he has past incarnations of Shakespeare, and I do believe this is the best possible presentation of seeing a one-man-show performance of obtuse poems. Still, do I think some viewers may look past Fiennes technical mastery and obvious passion to be somewhat bored by hard-to-understand poems being read aloud? Yes… Grade: B-
119. “Ant Man 3: Quantumania”…So I didn’t care much about the plot at all, and I think it’s time to admit that Kang the Conqueror storylines are just simply not working out (you could probably say that about the entire multiverse concept), but Jonathan Majors is still pretty good here in what is likely to be one of his last major roles. Even better, you get ignore Paul Rudd’s lightweight hero for long stretches of this movie as you’re immersed in the unique, murky visuals that feel like a biological-version of “Tron.” And when is a Bill Murray supporting performance ever a bad thing? This was easily the best Marvel movie of 2023, not I think “The Marvels” or “Guardians 3” were strong competition. Grade: B-
118. “The Portable Door”…There were a trio of international fantasy films I watched on Amazon Prime solely because they were there, and it was easy to watch them: “Silver and the Book of Dreams,” “Wonderwell,” and “Portable.” I understood the plot of “Portable” better than the other two, but its realism-based fantasy was also a little less interesting. Still, a capable cast makes this Harry-Potter-as-British-bureaucracy go by smoothly enough. Grade: B-
117. “Wonderwell”…I mentioned the trio of international based fantasy films just above this, but I give “Mirrorwell” the slight edge over “Portable Door” (and both of them a slight edge over “Silver”) because it’s plot is the most intriguing (the entire thing is a metaphor for “becoming a woman” or losing your virginity), and the visuals are still memorable several months later. A giant floating head moving through an alternate-reality forest after a girl falls down the title well is only one thing that is memorably mysterious. This came the closest to summoning the mystifying power of childhood fantasy films like “Labyrinth” or “The Dark Crystal.” And probably there’s a little of nostalgia for Carrie Fisher’s final performance too. Grade: B-
116. “Poor Things”…Long stretches of this movie went by where I felt absolutely nothing, not unlike Emma Stone’s socially-unconcerned character. The first third is mostly gross, the second third is probably the best (the strange fisheye lens distortions are truly unique against the strange backdrops at sea), and the last third is just as uncomfortable as the first, but in a different way as a genuine threat appears to enter the movie. Christopher Abbott’s villain almost adds something like actual stakes to this archly-stylized tale, but that’s only for a few minutes. Despite the hyperbolic critical praise, I wouldn’t expect to care as much about what happens here as you’ve been told you should. Although I do admit that out of the airless 2023 comedies by worshipped auteurs, this is better than “Asteroid City.” Grade: B-
115. “Golda”…Too many people have forgotten that before Israel’s current “Goliath” position in its internal struggle, it was very much “David,” as seemingly the entire Muslim world was determined to wipe it off the map. This movie is a surprisingly-dull representation of a riveting true-life period where the entire fate of Israel was in doubt. Helen Mirren’s version of Golda Meir has to navigate deadly enemies, the ambivalence of U.S. foreign policy, and her own security services to come out on top. It’s a great story, but not necessarily a good telling in this biopic. Grade: B
114.”Spy Kids: Armageddon”…I’m not sure if I actually kinda liked this “Spy Kids” reboot, or my 5-year-old daughter would beat me to death if I graded it more harshly. [She has asked to watch it about once a week since it came out…then demanded to if more than a week goes by.] And since these movies are supposed to be for kids, I think the fact that kids actually like them–which isn’t true for about half the kid entertainment out there–should count for something. Plus, Billy Magnussen is strong as an Elon Musk-like villain, and Gina Rodriguez has good chemistry with Zachary Levi. Grade: B
113. “Love Again”…Standard stuff, but the chemistry between Sam Heughan and Priyanka Chopra is good. Chopra has been able to generate heat so consistently (like with Richard Madden in “The Citadel” or even her “Matrix Resurrections” co-stars in dry dialogue scenes) that you wonder if she’ll soon become the next big romantic star she should already be. Grade: B
112. “Wild Life”…Environmental conservation is certainly a worthy topic for a documentary, and some of the images here are beautiful. I wouldn’t necessarily say this movie has a ton of narrative interest or the most gripping presentation of its story though. Grade: B
111. “Pigeon Tunnel”…I’m a John Le Carre fan–although it would be inaccurate to say his most recent novels didn’t show his age (either 2010’s “Our Kind of Traitor” or 2008’s “A Most Wanted Man” were the last satisfying books he’d written), and this documentary is obviously interviewing him in the later years after he’d successfully transitioned from the Cold War to the free-for-all chaos that followed to finally the war on terror. It does a skillful job of building the kind-of wry suspense that Le Carre’s novels had without much new material to work with (anyone with a passing interest in Le Carre may already know this stuff). Still, it does a better job of making the author seem like a fascinating person who’d lived an interesting life–and he was–than “Radical Wolfe” did for Tom Wolfe. Grade: B
110. “The Last Voyage of the Demeter”…I love old-school monster movies, and all attempts to update them. Classical, classy horror films are to be welcomed and encouraged in this low-rent age, and one on a formidably creaky/creepy old boat is even better. Grade: B
109. “DC Comics Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham”…A 1920’s Batman influenced by Lovecraft? Don’t mind if I do…The pure strangeness of what we’re watching is the real draw here. Grade: B
108. “DC Comics War World”…Three different stories around the biggest heroes in DC, presenting a Wild West version of Wonder Woman, a “He-Man” style version of Batman, and a 1950’s version of Superman influenced by “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” For me, this was tied with “Doom” for the most interesting of the DC-Comics based animated movies released in 2023. Grade: B
107. “Old Dads”…In 2023, it seems like almost every white male comic over 50 had a semi-autobiographical movie about fatherhood (“The Machine,” “About My Father,” “You’re So Not Invited to my Bat Mitzvah”), but Bill Burr’s “Dads” is the only one that has a real point-of-view behind the yuks, as Burr actually just uses the movie as an excuse to takedown various things he’s angry about. That current of anger helps makes “Dads” a better movie–and funnier–than all the rest, as even a liberal audience might whole-heartedly agree with him about the horrific lack of privacy too many employers expect, political correctness being used as an excuse to get rid of people you just simply don’t like, the blatant ageism of “cool” corporate culture, and the secretive graft of private schools. [Burr’s interactions with Racheal Harris’s ego-tripping headmaster are the best scenes in the movie.] Not every scene or even subplot in the movie works, but Burr has a lot more on his mind than many comics these days. “Dads” proves that’s a promising beginning. Grade: B
106. “Reality”…This docudrama just films the transcripts from the arrest of Reality Winner. It’s not much a movie really, even if you believe–as I do–that Russian interference in the 2016 election (which gave us “President” Trump with three squeaker victories in purple states despite losing the popular vote by millions) was never properly investigated. Even if you think Reality Winner is a heroine worthy of a movie–as I do–you may find your patience drifting during “Reality,” which is essentially a play with a lot of dialogue about Reality’s pets. But there’s an enjoyable insidiousness to Josh Hamilton’s FBI agent, and Hamilton is the perfect actor to portray menace behind a clean-cut smile. In a perfect world, he’d become the American Christoph Waltz. Grade: B
105. “The Holdovers”…That I have no real words for this other than “it’s okay” is perhaps a good indication of what the problem is. Alexander Payne used to make modern classics (“Sideways,” and especially the extremely underrated “About Schmidt”), but his first real flop with “Downsized” (which I actually liked) has made him retreat into this story–something that is just sort-of there without really doing much for over two hours. We’re watching characters we like hangout, but it’d be a lie to say anything memorable actually happens to them. Grade: B
104. “The Lost King”…Does a lot better job than most Shakespeare-connected works (either biographies of anyone connected or endless adaptations of the plays themselves) of making Shakespeare come alive. As our heroine begins to see Richard III popping up around in her life, this must be the obsession that any Shakespeare-nut feels while most of the world just can’t quite connect to–making this a good visualization of something that’s not easy to explain. Grade: B
103. “Quasi”…The best film from the Broken Lizard crew in a while (definitely since “Beerfest,” and possibly their best ever) since it uses an unusual period setting that gives the group something fresh to play off of. Supporting player Kevin Heffernan proves he’s the guy to get when Danny McBride says “no,” as his uniquely dumb face (but smart mouth) can have you halfway to a laugh with just an irritated or confused facial expression. Grade: B
102. “The Deepest Breath”…As you’ll find out soon in my overly-kind “Aquaman 2” review, I’m a sucker for movies at sea. This French doc is too long, and far too slow for its riveting subject matter, but the gorgeous scenes within the water are just about beautiful enough to make up for it. This is a little bit like the free solo climbing documentary “Free Solo,” where some athletes are doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous as an athletic profession, and watching them do their thing is a lot more captivating than watching them talk about doing their thing. Grade: B
101. “American Symphony”…A documentary of startling intimacy as we watch Jon Baptiste try to make something meaningful with his art as his longtime romantic partner fights cancer. For me personally, this is a better film about the upheaval of a longtime relationship by illness than “The Eternal Memory.” Grade: B
100. “Barbie”…I feel a little bad for “Barbie” since a good chunk of male commentators were prepared to hate it before ever watching a frame. Now, sympathy isn’t something I ever expected to feel towards the highest grossing movie of a year–especially not one that’s already based on the best selling toy of all time and only truly exists to sell more of said toys. [Of course, there hasn’t been a completely original movie to be the highest grossing of the year since 2009’s “Avatar,” so everybody’s selling something.] I’ll admit that the politics of Greta Gerwig’s script are a little confused (it turns the gay Mecca of Beverly-Hills-neighboring Century City into the epicenter of the patriarchy, even though you’re far more likely to see two women–or two men–holding hands than being oppressed by cowboys), and she absolutely owes a writing credit to the “Lego” movies, since many elements of “Barbie” are “borrowed” from them (existentialism, conformity, the main characters unaware they are being played with in the “real world,” Will Ferrell as a corporate father figure who’s not so bad really, the “villain” of Part 2 is also pretty similar to a Ken that’s bitter Barbie doesn’t want to be with him). But there are parts that are far stronger than the whole, such as wonderful scenes with Rita Perlman as the benevolent, wise creator of Barbie. And Margot Robbie was truly screwed out of a Best Actress nomination, since her deceptively difficult performance has to please people that hate seeing her as a living Barbie by being confident, vulnerable, susceptible to moments of utter despair, and always more affecting than you ever thought a character who is a plastic toy could ever be. Grade: B
99. “Chupa”…A low-key, “pleasant enough” family fable where some kids stumble across the mythical chupacabra while visiting relatives in Mexico. Never riveting, but it goes by fast enough, and the stark desert scenery is a rare setting for a kids film–when you’re watching a movie a day, anything unusual is welcome. Grade: B
98. “The Mission”…The best possible presentation for this subject matter. It’s a little hard to connect to the main character–a religious fanatic with fantasies of religiously converting a native island tribe that’s always been hostile to outsiders–but the movie has a panoramic view of how dumb what he’s doing is, employing various talking head experts that add interesting context to the island he went to, and (most fascinating of all) a former long-time missionary who was eventually so disillusioned with his work that he left religion altogether. Grade: B
97. “Chowchilla”…The “Can you believe this?” story of a school bus full of kids that got kidnapped by the most unlikely mass kidnappers I’ve seen in a movie. The last third is a bit of a slog–once we know how the story ends, hanging out with the survivors isn’t nearly as riveting–but the surreal horribleness of the early sections of the movie cast a spell. Grade: B
96. “The Eight Mountains”…Some of the best scenery of any 2023 movie, but it would’ve greatly benefitted from being about thirty minutes shorter. In fact, most audiences might’ve been happier to stop at the halfway point where the childhood friends reconcile on an uplifting note of finishing a renovation of their dilapidated mountain shack, sparing us entirely the second half’s marriages, estrangements, cheesemaker business, and tragic isolation. Still, it’s important to watch this as perhaps an antidote to the rural idealism sometimes put out there in “guy’s dramas,” since “Eight” is a cautionary tale of the romantic notion of cutting yourself off from the world. Grade: B
95. “To Catch a Killer”…Very well-directed, and the script isn’t as bad as most serial killer/mass-murderer thrillers out there. When we get to the inevitable “killer’s motivation monologue,” it feels almost original in pathos, delivery, and realism. Shailene Woodley continues to impress in wildly different roles (“Robots” and “Ferrari” have nothing in common with her character here), making you realize she might be one of the most underrated working today. Grade: B
94. “Superpower”…A lot of critics were too rough grading this because it’s easier to dump on Sean Penn’s vanity than it is to face the uncomfortable truth that the world is doing very little to save Ukraine from a maniac tyrant and threat to global stability. A handful of Republican senators and a large chunk of the U.S. House belongs to the Putin Caucus–as does “The Former Guy,” unequivocally–and at a time when the House is blocking a measly 60 billion dollar package to save Ukraine (Mark Zuckerberg makes that much in about a two months), most of us are doing very, very little to put pressure on them. If Penn’s documentary draws any attention to Ukraine’s plight, you’re beginning to see why Zelenskyy has been so available to the press–as he surely knows his country’s life literally depends on awareness. Grade: B
93. “Sisu”…There’s not much to this WWII tale of blood-and-guts as a near-wordless prospector is determined to protect his gold from ruthless nazis. Still, this straightforward, stripped-down period thriller is just unusual enough to be worth seeking out, and some of the unique deaths are admittedly “cool” as they face our impossible-to-kill protagonist. Grade: B
92. “Jules”…A genuinely unique movie as a trio of senior citizens–each with not a lot going on–find a new lease on life when an alien crash lands in one of their yards. Let’s face it, getting old sucks, and more movies seem willing to portray the isolation and adrift sense of loss–for “Jules,” aliens are less important than how our leads will combat their individual feelings of stagnation and purposelessness. The ending is almost guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. Grade: B
91. “Your Christmas or Mine 2”…The best Christmas movie of 2023, and one that understood the assignment. There’s a luxurious setting that doubles as wish fulfillment, and a pair of leads (plus their various-levels-of-charming families) that we actually care about. Grade: B
90. “Leo”…If you were to call this the best Adam Sandler movie Netflix has made, you’d be right, and it wouldn’t necessarily be close. Here, he plays a class pet who decides to start imparting life lessons he’s gleaned over a long time sitting in his habitat. Not a bad set-up at all for an animated film. Grade: B
89. “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”…A movie like this has to walk a tightrope as it won’t outright say “arranged marriages are prehistoric, and any religion that asks families to cut off members that are married interracially has no place in 2023,” but it also can’t overly pander to outdated, anti-feminist notions if it has any hope of not coming off as hopelessly phony for a movie starring Lily James. “Love” does a good job of gently prodding along some closed-off characters that many viewers might think deserve a firm push instead. For example, it was a nice touch having the London-born Muslim man be more fussily devout than his parent-approved, Pakistani-bred bride; this almost makes the leap into finally commenting on the tendency of “Westernized” immigrants to import a version of their culture that sometimes more strict than the one they left. Grade: B
88. “Stan Lee”…You may be surprised at how little Stan Lee’s net worth actually was since he created some of the most expensive, profitable intellectual property ever with Marvel’s biggest characters. That Lee never owned any of his own work–he received a paltry salary at Marvel, and seems happy to have gotten it–is sad, but Lee himself had such a blast he barely seems to notice. This documentary is a good summation of Lee’s early life, his career, and his affable life philosophy. Grade: B
87. “Indiana Jones 5: The Dial of Destiny”…It’s hard to put your finger on what doesn’t totally work in this admittedly well-made swan song, but you can’t help feeling like some of the magic is missing as we watch scenes pass by our eyes with limited involvement. I did like the time-traveling final third, and the ending may strike some as depressing, but it’s nice to see a franchise that is okay admitting that its hero has aged. And I couldn’t help but be moved when Indiana wanted to stay in the past since he felt like the present had nothing for him–probably, there were more than a few older viewers who felt the same way. Grade: B
86. “Aquaman 2: The Lost Kingdom”…Is this movie technically worse than I’m actually grading it? Yes, but I’m just a complete sucker for movies set largely on (or in) the ocean. Those and arctic/Antarctica-set films are just something I’m a sucker for, and this is both–plus, a jungle filled with huge creatures! That gives “Kingdom” possibly the best (CGI) scenery of any special-effects extravaganza in 2023. Plus, villains clearly inspired by Lovecraft? Stop selling, you already have my money. [Out of the films actually nominated for best visual effects, only “Mission Impossible 7” has effects work as good, while none of the other four should’ve even been nominated.] And frankly, I think the reconciliation plot between Patrick Wilson’s Prince Orm and our title hero is a better plot than what happens in the first movie. For me personally, this was the best superhero movie of 2023–low bar though that may be. Grade: B
85. Taylor Swift Eras Tour (Taylor’s Version)…Sometimes, a movie is just not for me, but I still have to acknowledge that it’s the best possible version we could be watching. Concert films are especially hard to grade since people who are averse to the music featured may feel more like hostages than viewers. If you like Taylor Swift’s music, this well-directed concert documentary is exciting, and really does make you feel as if you’re in the arena with her. In fact, the stadium is so massive, that you’re probably getting a better seat watching this film than you would’ve being there. Still, a “Killers of the Flower Moon” length-concert film is a lot of Swift, an artist whose music is paradoxically deeply person in lyrics, but a little bit impersonal musically with many of the (sometimes bland) songs lacking any distinctive edge or musical innovation. Grade: B
84. “Fool’s Paradise”…Written, directed, and starring Charlie Day, this movie is yet another “inside Hollywood” comedy, but this one is an old-fashioned fable about a guy who barely says a word suddenly becoming a mega-star…and then falling out of fashion almost as quickly. The entire movie is a pretty-good metaphor for how little control even the biggest actors have over their careers, but Day is clearly more inspired by silent comedies, and the magical absurdism of Charlie Chaplin here–and what great influences to have, right? I seemed to like this movie–one of several in 2023 where the main character doesn’t talk–more than most critics did, but maybe I’m just nostalgic for the spirit of silent comedies. Grade: B
83. “A Little White Lie”…Better than I thought it would be, as an excellent supporting cast (Da’Vine Joy Randolph, Kate Hudson, Aja Naomi King, Don Johnson) help Michael Shannon’s purposefully confused performance expertly. This is the rare movie where a twist ending actually saves the film since it’s a smart allegory for someone literally forgetting who they are, and needing connection to remember it. From the first few minutes, I thought this would be yet another indie flop that most people only watch because they stumble across it on Hulu, and was happy it took some twists and turns to wind up surprisingly affecting. Grade: B
82. “Dumb Money”…”Wall Streeters are zeroes, working class are heroes!” Take that, hedge funds! This well-acted movie is about the Game Stop saga, where retail traders beat ruthless short-selling Wall Street hedge funds that deliberately try to crash businesses to make a quick buck. This was like the one time the Chicago Bears beat the Patriots, and we will never stop bragging about it. Grade: B+
81. “You People”…That this was one of the most positive portrayals for black/white couples in 2023 movies should tell you why I keep bringing up Hollywood’s anti-miscegenation bent, but I enjoyed it for being one of the rare movies that confronts the unspoken segregation of Los Angeles. After all, Jonah Hill and Lauren London are both native Angelenos that have lived only a few miles from each other their whole lives, but we’re repeatedly told they’re “from different worlds” as though they’re from different planets instead of the same city. You can even sort-of pick up on LA’s de facto segregation in the critiques of this movie (most of them ridiculous), and the persistent drumbeat that Hill and London “don’t have chemistry,” which makes you wonder if people understood what they were watching at all, or perhaps did so with the sound off. Grade: B+
80. “The Velveteen Rabbit”…Simple, well-crafted kids short film that’s only about 40 minutes without credits. [Watching it might take you less time than reading reviews for it.] Make some cocoa, put it on in the winter time, and get cozy. Grade: B+
79. “Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken”…Basic plot, but absolutely beautiful, ocean-set animation. And maybe having a giant monster be our heroine is just unusual enough to make up for some of the more generic parts. Grade: B+
78. “The Boy and the Heron”…Studio Ghibli lovers know the drill by now: a snooze-worthy first half eventually gives way to a fantastical world of gobbledegook. Here, a vaguely antisemitic man-heron uses his gargantuan nose to lead a young boy on a dream-like adventure. These are the type of movies that sometimes work better on a second viewing (preferably when you’re wide awake, but cozy in your home–maybe even with some atmospheric rain going on outside). Given that, perhaps I’ll love it much more down the road than I do right now, feeling like “Elemental” was absolutely cheated out of the Best Animated Feature award (but a little bit relieved that it wasn’t “Spider Man” who cheated it). Grade: B+
77. “Next Goal Wins”…Charming, sometimes hilarious (the painfully low speed limit of American Samoa provides a handful of good jokes), and beautiful scenery. At first, you may wonder why they let Michael Fassbender’s character be such an unrelenting jerk for longer they should’ve (he starts to get a good attitude pretty late in the movie), but you finally begin to understand him better with some later-in-the-movie character revelations. Also, this has possibly the most three dimensional transgender character in a 2023 movie. Grade: B+
76. “The Sitting Duck”…Also known as “The Trade Unionist” in French, this true story follows a union official who uncovers corruption within France’s nuclear industry, and is targeted by a brutal assault to stop her from continuing to dig. Maddeningly, the French police try their best to cast doubt on her story as if a woman could duct-tape her own hands behind a chair after somehow sticking a knife into her most private of parts. Between this and “The Night of the 12th,” audiences may wonder if sexism in France is much more pervasive than we’ve always been led to believe. Grade: B+
75. “Elon Musk’s Twitter Takeover”…A Frontline special interviewing various Twitter employees (and other insiders) to describe Musk’s obsession with Twitter, the nuts-and-bolts of his actual takeover, and various events like him tweaking the algorithms to allow more content about himself to appear in people’s newsfeeds. [Not to mention subplots like conservative obsession with being called out on Big Tech, as interviewed by professional weasel and amateur “congressman” Jim Jordan.] The world’s richest man taking over a social media site so he can systematically (although perhaps inadvertently) drive it into the ground may not be the most important documentary subject out there, but it is a necessary portrait of how the man who controls so much of the world’s crucial infrastructure (charging stations for electric cars, space transport, internet satellites used in places like Ukraine) may believe his own hype so much that he may not even know how to actually run a company. Grade: B+
74. “Mission Impossible 7: Dead Reckoning–Part 1”…This couldn’t help but be a little bit of a disappointment after the wall-to-wall action of “Fallout,” which was built on enjoyably bonkers action sequences like the closing helicopter shootout. Still, the actual plot here is probably better, as an A.I. that can create state-of-the-art deepfakes actually is something relevant to what’s going on in the world–which we don’t usually get in the “Mission” movies. And even if some of the execution here involves too much of what we’ve seen before (another thwarted love interest for eternally-suffering Ethan Hunt, another interchangeable bad guy designed to not upstage Tom Cruise), once you understand that the quick-change double-crosses are meant to make this film an espionage version of “The Maltese Falcon,” they become a little less tiresome. Also, I’m letdown that changes are apparently being made to “Part 2” since this installment in the long running franchise didn’t do as well, since I believe a “Part 2” that ties up threads introduced in this movie would’ve been a better movie. But for now I enjoyed the Brad Bird-ness of “Part 1,” as all the best sequences (a deepfake-assisted chase through the airport, a car chase in the dinkiest car possible, or trying to vertically move up a train car) feel like the playful, memorable action of “Ghost Protocol.” Grade: B+
73. “No Hard Feelings”…A sex comedy with rather confused messaging. On the one hand, it’s the rare film to finally admit the reality of how rarely overanxious millennials and Gen-Z are having actual sex (which is about the exact opposite image most people have), but the movie itself also doesn’t have much actual sex in it. At one point, Jennifer Lawrence’s supposed-seductress character is actively trying to stop the kid she’s been hired to seduce from having sex with someone he seems more than right for. Wow…it’s a sad state where even a movie that literally says “doesn’t anybody just fuck anymore?” is also afraid to fuck. Still, Jennifer Lawrence is terrific, showing fearless commitment in scenes that require her to fight kids while naked, or (even more humiliating) be filmed by public-shaming Gen-Z youth trying to label her a homophobe. Grade: B+
72. “Chevalier”…Semi-inspirational musical biography that has good technical aspects (costumes, setting, good sound), and a lively performance from Kelvin Harrison Jr. (freed from the doldrums of the depressing “Cyrano,” another period musical). Grade: B+
71. “A Knock at the Cabin”…A solid horror movie that is M. Night Shyamalan’s best movie in years (definitely since 2016’s “Split,” and possibly since M’s long ago mid-00’s heyday. This is possibly because Night has always been a better director than writer, and this is a co-written script based off a good novel. [Unlike “Leave the World Behind,” the book version of “Cabin” was written by a real-deal horror writer instead of a literary novelist slumming it with an apocalyptic plot they clearly felt ambivalent about.] Paul Aldridge is annoying and over-the-top here, but there’s also fine performances from the underrated Nikki Amuka-Bird, a nuanced Jonathan Groff, and a sensitive Dave Bautista, playing a man who only looks terrifying. Grade: B+
70. “Sympathy for the Devil”…This movie has Nicolas Cage just exactly how you want him: straight nuts. Cage can’t quite pull off the Bah-stun accent, but there are moments where he’s staring so malevolently right into the face of Joel Kinnaman’s reluctant driver/hostage and you almost laugh at how dangerous Cage looks just to break the tension. The highlight here is a roadside diner where all hell breaks loose, and Cage gleefully stalks the (literal) flames of his wreckage like the actual devil has come to play in this thriller. Grade: B+
69. “Last Stop Larrimah”…An irresistible whodunnit documentary about a man who disappeared in the microscopic Australian town of Larrimah, population: 12. The doc interviews almost every resident of Larrimah, and cobbles together extensive amount of archival footage–for such a small backwater, there’s a surprising amount of old news footage on it–to paint a full picture of the local feuds and assorted players. Better than almost any scripted murder mystery I saw last year. Grade: B+
68. “R.M.N.”…An ugly movie about pervasive bigotry leaching so heavily into specific areas, the toxic environment eventually boils over into being dangerous. The complex emotions of widespread inherited bigotry can be a hard thing to convey in a 2-hour movie, and this is a good “nuts and bolts” explanation of it. Grade: B+
67. “Rustin”…It’s probably not much of a surprise that a 1960’s Civil Rights movement fully centered on black churches wasn’t a very welcoming place for a non-closeted gay leader like Bayard Rustin (Coleman Domingo, continuing to prove he can play literally anything)–yet I don’t think I’ve ever seen another film talking about that aspect. By examining some of the very real divisions within the civil rights movement (Chris Rock’s character and especially Jeffrey Wright’s character are heavily against Bayard) this movie takes very familiar material into a new direction. The debates that happen between Rustin and his mentor (Glynn Turman) about whether or not to push the Democratic Party on racial issues, and how far to push them could just easily be happening in 2023 as the 1963 of this movie. Grade: B+
66. “Bama Rush”…Anyone curious to know why I attended Auburn University over Alabama University should check out this documentary, as Alabama is well-known to have a monopolistic frat influence that controls most aspects of student life. Seeing what some of the women go through to pledge in these (mostly) conservative, very traditional organizations, is it any wonder someone individualistic wouldn’t be crazy about joining that? There’s a young black woman of kindness and beauty (she looks a little bit like the young Alexandra Shipp crossed with the shy, soft voice of someone who’d do ASMR videos for a living) who is obviously going to get torn apart by this system, as she’s repeatedly coached to change almost every aspect of what actually makes her special. An especially interesting side-digression of this doc talks about “The Machine,” a cabal of influential Greek lifers that secretly run Alabama’s campus, and–when they get older–the state legislature in Montgomery. Grade: B+
65. “Blueback”…Nothing groundbreaking, but a few likable actors and beautiful ocean scenes is all I personally need from an Australian movie. Tangentially, Eric Bana’s charismatic performance serves as further proof that he’s like two different actors: the cool Australian one, and the most boring man alive when forced into an American accent. It’s as if trying to sustain his flat-U.S. accent in almost any American film saps Bana of his natural Aussie charms. Grade: B+
64. “Godzilla Minus One”…The best Godzilla work in ages (possibly ever), because it jettisons the confused mythology, obliterating budget, and general goofiness of the recent movies and Apple TV show. It takes its mission deadly serious, reminding you that Godzilla is supposed to be a living nightmare, a pissed-off side effect of the atomic age. By the end, you’ve seen a movie with real things to say about duty, sacrifice, and mending a broken into spirit into near-suicidal courage. Good for it…Grade: B+
63. “The Color Purple”…Alice Walker’s seminal novel (and the mostly faithful, unnecessarily-controversial 1980’s movie) is really about the different ways the world tries to break black women–whether it’s the wrongful incarceration of Sofia or the rape, incest, and long-term hell of domestic abuse visited on Celie–and how even the most unlikely bonds of friendship (or romance) can develop between them as a salve. Other than “Schindler’s List,” it’s hard to imagine a work I thought less about becoming a musical, and the musical scenes of “Purple” definitely run the risk of being goofy or downplaying the actual torment some of the characters are going through. Occasionally, bursting into song does feel like the male director is trying hard to soften the darker themes of Walker’s book, and the musical numbers are (mostly) forgettable. But when star Fantasia Barrino is allowed to finally break free, and blow it out with her musical numbers, it’s undeniably moving. And the younger version of her character (Phylicia Pearl Mpasi, an accomplished Broadway singer making her film debut) is very strong as well. Grade: B+
62. “The Insurrectionist Next Door”…Alexandra Pelosi has made many short political documentaries for HBO, and this might be the best of them. Having Nancy Pelosi’s daughter interview people that stormed the Capitol is an audacious concept for a movie–even if the movie’s portrayal of it is so nonchalant it’s hard to feel she’s ever in danger–and it is fascinating to watch various insurrectionists portray their reasons. Some of them blatantly lie to her face (a brother-and-sister duo make it sound like they were on their way to a cookout and got swept up in treason), but some are more honest than you’d expect. Even if the revelations aren’t particularly surprising (everyone interviewed here is pretty dumb), it’s still worth a watch. Grade: B+
61. “Pay or Die”…A documentary about the outrageous price gouging happening with prescription drugs–specifically insulin. More than 10% of the U.S. has diabetes, and yet insulin was still subject to vicious price gouging that put millions of people’s lives at risk. One of the saddest (but informative) scenes in this movie involves someone literally going to Canada to stock up on insulin, the price of travel less expensive than paying the difference between U.S. and Canadian insulin. Some documentaries are just simply more important than others. Grade: B+
60. “20 Days in Mariupol”…Tough to watch movie about a near-three week period of Russia’s horrific invasion of Ukraine, and–please God–it’ll be a wakeup call to a world that seems overly passive in stopping it. There’s little more here than a “you are there” feeling, but here’s hoping the (probable) Oscar win for this movie will finally snap some people awake. Grade: B+
59. “The Mill”…A smart allegorical horror movie about how much our jobs take from us without us even knowing it. Lil Rey Howery has rarely been better, proving that his nattering-comedic style might be getting in the way of the fine dramatic actor he’s supposed to become. Everything that happens here (right down to an ending gambit that feels a lot like a strike and the beginning of a union) is a surrealized horror version of what many 2023 companies are actually doing to their workers–right down to “putting down” employees with too many sick days, and established quotas you’d better fly past. However, the final reveal of what’s actually going on felt–to me–like a letdown. Grade: B+
58. “Bank of Dave”…Okay, but why doesn’t England allow new banking licenses though? Some very basic questions are asked in this true-life story that England’s stuffy institutions have no interest in answering, making the title character the unlikeliest of heroes. I’ve never seen a film where the rebel underdog is a guy that desperately wants to start a bank, giving this otherwise-standard story more rarity than it otherwise would’ve. Joel Fry and Phoebe Dyvenor have good chemistry too. Grade: B+
57. “World’s Best”…This dumped-on-Disney-Plus movie was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. My kids also responded well to it, making it one of the few 2023 movies that parents and kids might equally enjoy. Grade: B+
56. “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”…Nothing especially Earth-shattering, but it is unusual for a decent-budgeted studio film to focus on mundane rites of passage we usually only see in moodier, fetishistically-quiet Indies. “Margaret” probably received such praise from critics because they desperately miss those 80’s “middlebrow” Dramedies that could make you laugh, move you, occasionally provoke thought, and somewhat entertain you without it feeling like they’re daring you to actually be entertained. Grade: B+
55. “Albert Brooks: Defend Your Life”…Your enjoyment of this documentary will depend exclusively on how much you like Albert Brooks, who I think is the great, semi-forgotten comedian of yesteryear, and perhaps the true heir to Woody Allen. Here, he’s just riffing with his good friend Rob Reiner as they talk about a career that some may be unfamiliar with. If it inspires you to look up some of Brooks past classics like “Broadcast News” or “Defending Your Life,” do so. And it’s still worth noting Brooks should’ve been nominated for an Oscar for his menacing, career-best work in “Drive.” Grade: B+
54. “Quiz Lady”…Likable characters, a dozen or so honest laughs, and a “sport” (competitive trivia) we don’t often see in the movies. What else do you need? One of the smartest decisions this movie makes is having Sandra Oh and Awkwafina swap the type of roles they would usually play, letting Awkwafina play the more introverted, straight-laced one and letting Oh go wild. Grade: B+
53. “A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes: the Hunger Games Prequel”…I wouldn’t say I went into this with bated breath, fearing it was yet another lame attempt to milk a run-dry franchise for a final buck. However, towards the end I almost said out loud “Is this the Young Adult equivalent of a 70’s movie?” The “protagonist” is amoral, the cynicism prevalent to even the stripped-down arena, and the central love story fraught with mortal tension. To say this movie was a lot better than I thought it would be is an understatement; it’s smarter, darker, and more nuanced than the original movies. Grade: B+
52. “No One Can Save You”…Skillful direction is the star here, not that a wordless Kaitlyn Dever isn’t doing all she can. The ending is as cynical and bruise-black as they come, but it’s a far better visualization of a human-skeptical world than other misanthropic characters like Julia Roberts’s in “Leave the World Behind” merely describing her human-aversion. Grade: B+
51. “Killers of the Flower Moon”…Merely saying this movie is “too long” is an oversimplification that misses the point: “Flower Moon” is far too vague for a movie of its length. Martin Scorsese used to make movies that plunged us into the details of the characters whose lives we were seeing (I learned more about how organized crime actually works in “Goodfellas” than combined seasons of documentary shows, and the same for casinos in “Casino”), but the systems he’s talking about here are so hazy it can almost be easy to miss why the crimes are being committed. [And if I mentioned the anti-miscegenation leanings of “Past Lives,” I would be negligent not to mention them in a movie where a Native woman literally chastises her daughters for marrying white men–and the way it’s presented not a single audience member could disagree, even though several murder victims were other white men the Native women had married, but who wanted justice.] Still, Robert De Niro is fantastic here, using a pitch-perfect period Oklahoman accent to hide his evil mastermind behind a facade of gentlemanly charm. This is the performance that should’ve won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Grade: B+
50. “The Marsh King’s Daughter”…An exciting, character-based thriller that shows you don’t need to break the bank to create memorable, thrilling action set pieces. I myself knew very little about this movie going in, and I honestly think that’s best as an event that happens a few minutes in is genuinely shocking–almost like “Little House on the Prairie” morphed into a horror movie. [Vague spoilers] What the villain actually wants shows even the most rugged individualist has a need to control others, with the final confrontation an exciting, tense metaphor for what all abused children must go through to become better parents. Grade: B+
49. “Kompromat”…A drama that feels like a spy thriller as a man tries to escape the kangaroo courts and general hellhole that is Putin’s Russia. Grade: B+
48. “Air”…This was a very good year for business biographical dramas (“Tetris,” “Blackberry,” “Flaming Hot”), as clearly evidenced by the fact that this one isn’t the best or even in the top 3. For starters, it’s just a little strange to make the emotional climax of a movie a powerpoint presentation where a roomful of white guys talks about what a great basketball player Michael Jordan is (a young Jordan is barely seen, and doesn’t speak). I mean…are these real stakes? And what about younger audiences that may be a little unfamiliar with Jordan’s play or (worse) feel other athletes have surpassed it since then? Still, this is a very good episode of “Shark Tank,” as we see the nuts-and-bolts of the sneaker business and what it takes to secure the deal of a century. Of course, you could argue that Jordan himself benefitted more than Nike did–two decades after he quit playing basketball, he still collects 200 million in annual revenue off Nike royalties–as his Nike deal is often thought of as the best an athlete has ever struck, which makes them having to talk him into this deal feel even lower stakes. Grade: B+
47. “What Happens Later”…Many might think I’m a little nuts for ranking this movie so highly, but something about it hit me just right while sitting in a nearly empty theater in the winter time. Meg Ryan plays an older–but necessarily wiser–version of the character she usually does who gets trapped in an airport with (possibly) the guy that got away, played by David Duchovny in a film role that finally shows what he can really do. The first third or so grinds on in that predictable sitcom-y way that most mainstream romantic comedies have, but around the midpoint the artifice begins to break as these characters grow into something deeper right before your eyes, sharing hard truths of thwarted dreams, stagnant careers, estranged kids, and how “nobody wants to listen to old people, even other old people.” It’s around this point the movie seems to finalize realize it is about two people in their 60’s–even if both of them look much younger–and gives us the “Before Sunrise” of early old age that we might have been waiting for. Grade: B+
46. “Wonka”…An old-fashioned crowd pleaser designed specifically for you to smile throughout, say “that was good” the second the credits roll, and then walk out of the theater, forgetting most of what you’ve seen about 20 minutes later. But I’d much rather watch a crowd-pleaser that’s made with obvious craft (the period setting and well-done costumes) in the forgotten-genre of musicals than yet another boom-boom, ‘splosion, CGI-fest about superheroes or whatnot. This is about the best possible movie that family audiences could go nuts for, and I honestly do appreciate it. Grade: B+
45. “Crater”…Just a well-scripted movie where a gaggle of kids hang out with each other on the moon, which means the scenery is a lot better than most other “kids hang out” movies. I also felt sympathetic in the grading of this because I hate that Disney dumped this film on Disney-Plus, and then pulled it from there completely only a few months later, making it damn hard for anyone to actually see it. Shame on you greedy corporate giants who deliberately kill their own product for tax or insurance write-off purposes. Grade: B+
44. “Sly”…For a long time, people have given Sylvester Stallone the backhanded compliment of saying “he’s a lot smarter than you think he is.” That Stallone has a brain probably shouldn’t be a huge surprise considering he wrote his career breakthrough role in “Rocky,” as well as many of his other biggest hits (“First Blood,” “Cliffhanger,” “The Expendables”), and misses. This documentary tends to skip over large chunks of Sly’s filmography and work history to focus on only a handful of better-known projects (“Cobra” and “Cliffhanger” are barely referenced while his frustrations with “F.I.S.T” receive ample time), but it’s trying to fit in a lot–Stallone’s early life complete with thorny relationship with his dad, his throwaway early roles, the fight to get himself into “Rocky,” his rivalry with Arnold Schwarzenegger that eventually turned into a good friendship, a career rebirth (“The Expendables,” “Rocky Balboa,” an Oscar nomination and near win for “Creed”), and his general life philosophy that you should try to inspire an audience. But Stallone’s theory that you should never see your heroes die has an unfortunate influence on “Sly,” which strangely omits much of Stallone’s personal life (his first two marriages, as well his older kids). By presenting only what Stallone wants us to know about him, you can’t call it the most fascinating portrait it could’ve been. Grade: B+
43. “Tetris”…This exciting true story is as much a Cold War thriller as it is about the early days of the video game industry. Taron Egerton gives one of his better performances as a game developer who falls in love with the swirling shapes of early Tetris, and decides to risk doing business with the even more dizzying corruption and maddeningly byzantine rules of the Soviet Union (where the game’s creator lives) to bring Tetris to the world. Grade: A-
42. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem”…This is the best screen version of the Ninja Turtles, which may not be the highest standard, but still counts for something special. I enjoyed the unusual, energetic animation style that looks like it’s being graffitied onto the screen in real time, and the direction has an unusual amount of verve. Best of all may be Ice Cube’s stylishly hateful villain, who literally dances onto the screen with confidence and electric bitterness–perhaps as close as we’ll ever come to an animated version of Michael B. Jordan’s take on Killmonger. Grade: A-
41. “Judy Blume Forever”…Strong documentary explaining who Judy Blume is (some younger viewers honestly may not know), why her uniquely-sensitive and unpatronizing work spoke to young kids, and why some of the conservative culture warriors were fighting so hard to shut that connection down. I’m of the opinion that if you can get a kid to read almost any book (short of the “The Anarchist Cookbook” or a manifesto on how to build pipe bombs), you should encourage them. However, groups like the ironically named Moms for Liberty would prefer kids not read seemingly any book (there’s been viral photos of empty shelves in Florida school libraries), and this documentary feels even more essential. Grade: A-
40. “No Accident”…Almost every American liberal alive has been frustrated with the systematic breakdown of the U.S. justice system over the last few years as blatant criminals (Trump, Josh Hawley, Jim Jordan, Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and others) have been let off scot free for insurrection, sex crimes, and various financial malfeasance while the Supreme Court seems determined to sink its reputation even lower. That adds a vicarious joy to “Accident,” as we see a dedicated team of professionals try their best to hold the organizers of the Charlottesville rally (where a woman died after being run over by a car) to account. Some of the white supremacists they target seem to be inadvertently helping them by giving some truly terrible depositions, but this doc may be as close as we come to justice for a while. Grade: A-
39. “Little Richard: I Am Everything”…Millennials like myself may wrongly think of Little Richard as a bit of a cartoon character, as we’ve seen him mostly portrayed as the black Liberace for many years. This documentary goes back to Richard’s pioneering early days to show you just how influential he was to the creation of Rock N’ Roll, possibly doing more to create it than any other artist. A deep-dive into Richard’s actual music (the raunchy early lyrics, the cathartic live performances, the on-fire showmanship) does a great job of changing your perception on Richard and properly recognizing him for the pivotal musical figure he actually was. It’s basically the anti-“Maestro” and that’s all any documentary subject can ask for. Grade: A-
38. “Nimona”…In 2023, it’s hard to come up with someone new, but “Nimona” is somehow able to conjure up a truly unique world, combining medieval trappings with futuristic technology. I’m not really sure what you’d call the style of this movie–maybe plaguepunk? joust-core?–but anything that can show a man who watched well over 500 movies in 2023 (more than I half I saw weren’t in the 2023 calendar period) something he hasn’t seen is doing it right. Grade: A-
37. “The Burial”…Jamie Foxx has enough charisma to make a Verizon commercial electric, but here he’s finally given a screen role that knows what to do with, playing the kind-of lawyer we’d all kill to have in our corner. Tommy Lee Jones provides a nice, Earthy counterbalance (not dissimilar to the way he did for Will Smith in “Men in Black”) as a family-run funeral home operator trying to keep his business from being gobbled up by a ruthless Canadian conglomerate (led by Bill Camp, solidly playing the kind of commonplace monopolist we’d all love to see drug into a courtroom these days). Monopolization is the stealth issue of our time, and any 2023 consumer who’s fed up with price gouging and worse service can revel in this well-scripted legal showdown. Grade: A-
36. “Blackberry”…To say this movie contains the best performances from Jay Baruchel and Glenn Howerton may not sound like the highest of praise, but it’s rare that a single movie can get you to see two actors that you think you know in a totally different light. Here, Baruchel is doing a version of his nice guy, Uber-nerd schtick before eventually morphing into a New Tech shark with no use for cumbersome things like lackadaisical best friends and a corporate environment where people actually love going to work. Howerton is even better as a more traditional corporate “beast” who treats everything in the room with contempt to hide how vulnerable he actually is. In his last scene with Baruchel (who has now surpassed Howerton to become an even more focused business titan), Howerton has a knowing pause when delivered a cold betrayal just to let you know how much it hurts that the moment he’s been dreading his entire life is finally here. Grade: A-
35. “Cat Person”…I went into this movie not knowing much and having relatively low expectations, making this one of the best surprises of 2023 (and given its inexplicably low critical rating, this is also one of the most underrated movies of last year). The free floating anxiety Emilia Jones’s main character feels in dating is a good representation of the modern paranoia (or is it?) the helicopter-parent generation has in putting themselves out there. The closing stand-off between her and Nicolas Braun–where neither of them is completely sure of exactly how unhinged the other is–is a good allegory for a dating culture that’s amplified and exaggerated by social media judgments (as represented by Geraldine Viswanathan’s obnoxious character), unreal expectations, doxxing, and greater cultural fear (endless “Dateline” specials start from somewhere) than seems healthy. And director Susanna Fogel uses fantasy sequences and other techniques to do something too few movies do: show us how their characters think rather than just telling us. Given that film is a visual medium, it’s disappointing how few even attempt to show the inner lives of their characters. Grade: A-
34. Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl Movies…Some may call this television, some may call each individual film (and I am not going to sit here and list the individual titles) a short film that should be separately ranked in this countdown, but why? All of the movies are high-quality, and I enjoyed each one more than Anderson’s stilted “Asteroid City.” Between these films and “Wonka,” Roald Dahl had a terrific 2023 (other than the unfortunate fact of being dead since 1990). Each of Anderson’s four shorts has something unique to admire, but I particularly enjoyed the wild Ralph Fiennes performance in “Ratcatcher.” Fiennes–who has always displayed a surprising knack for comedy, even in Anderson’s own “Grand Budapest Hotel”–channels his inner Nicolas Cage here, with a loony, grotesque character taken deadly-serious. Grade: A-
33. “Wish”…A movie that’s better than you’ve been told. Most critics were so obsessed with the nostalgia-courting aspects of “Wish,” they seemed to completely miss that the movie is a stealth criticism of fascist governments, as it’s about a king who is desperate to control the hopes and dreams of his people. He frames it as “helping” them that he takes their desires and occasionally grants a very basic, limited one, but savvy adults may pick up on the real-life parallels to leaders who think most wishes are “just too dangerous” to let be granted. The animation style is also nothing to sneeze at, creating one of the most appealing ruminations on thwarted dreams in oppressive regimes you’ll ever see. Grade: A-
32. “Ferrari”…Enzo Ferrari is usually portrayed as the villain in biographical dramas (“Lamborghini,” “Ford vs. Ferrari”) so it’s interesting to see Adam Driver make him sympathetic without totally whitewashing the character into something he wasn’t. Here, Enzo isn’t necessarily good nor bad so much as driven to succeed, moving through each scene with a commanding precision as he attempts to save his company while navigating a messy dual-family situation between his wife (a sharp Penelope Cruz, who owns half his company and could easily blow it up if she gets mad enough) and the longtime girlfriend he has a child with (Shailene Woodley in another solid 2023 performance). Director Michael Mann’s technical mastery can be felt in all the details (impeccable costume design and sound that should’ve been nominated for an Oscar), and perhaps especially in the life-or-death racing scenes. Grade: A-
31. “Theater Camp”…Hilarious, perceptive, and has a terrific cast. What else do you need? 2023 had a number of strong musicals (“Flora and Son,” “Wonka”) and “Camp” is up there with the very best; this should give every theater junkie something to celebrate since not that long ago the “Cats” movie adaptation made people question if musicals were forever dead. Here, “Camp” uses Jimmy Tatro’s character’s gradual evolution from musical-averse to fan to show what every musical lover feels when getting hooked on a show. Grade: A-
30. “The Killer”…Michael Fassbender is much more at home here than he was in “Next Goal Wins,” playing a smoothly calculating hitman vengefully working his way up the chain after a hit goes wrong. In fact, he’s so efficient that it sometimes looks a little too easy as he (mostly) quietly dispatches his targets, but it’s hard to overly critique a movie that combines modern mastery with 70’s existentialism. The latter of which is represented by one of the movie’s best, most surprising aspects: Fassbender appears to be doing his job just to pass the time, and has no idea how to fill without the life or death stakes of his assignments. Grade: A-
29. “Flora and Son”…A musical that starts out a little bit like its own main character: not particularly promising or focused, but capable of far more than you realize. Eve Hewson bursts forth with a star performance, capable of moving you with just her response listening to Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now,” a wordless reaction that contains a suppressed ocean of hopes. Joseph Gordon Levitt’s online guitar teacher gradually starts to open Flora up from wise-ass, cynical, too-young single mother (her troubled son is 14, and she had him when she was 17) to someone with the inner joy of discovering gifts she didn’t even know she had. By the time they’re connecting so well, the laptops melt away, it’s a terrific metaphor for the power of transportation music possesses. Grade: A-
28. “Plan C”…Vital, exciting, and necessary documentary that follows a group of women as they try their damnedest to get an abortion pill to oppressed red state women that need it. Many of these women aren’t exactly obvious “action heroine” types, which makes their real-life risk taking feel even more giddily inspirational as they do what they know is right against a system where too many medical professionals are hamstrung against a system they know is wrong, but are still intent on following the bizarre, haphazard “rules” of a post-Roe world as if they make sense at all. Grade: A-
27. “Still”…Celebrity documentaries that double as hagiographies aren’t in short supply these days (“Sly,” “Halftime,” Robert Downey Jr.’s dad in “Senior”), but this is the absolute best of them. We see Michael J. Fox’s struggling early days as an actor eventually give way to sudden success in TV with “Family Ties.” Then Fox received a film breakthrough when Eric Stolz was fired from “Back to the Future” and Fox was recast as filming had already started, and the good times of movie and TV success kept rolling until–even more abruptly–a Parkinson’s diagnosis slows him down right at the height of his fame. The documentary doubles as a good explanation of the mysterious disease, and Fox’s efforts to fight it against a congress that is more interested in classifying frozen embryos as people than allowing life-saving stem cell research. The old joke is that Republicans only care about you until you’re born, but if it’s not true, then how do you explain them turning down stem cell research to save the life of Young Republican icon Alex P. Keaton? Grade: A
26. “Beyond Utopia”…Is America perfect? Not even close, but if you’ve ever wanted to see a movie that makes you damn happy to be in the U.S., try “Beyond.” The documentary is about the oppressive, living hell that is North Korea, and just how difficult it is to escape from it. Following a family of hopeful defectors out of the country just might be the highest stakes of any 2023 documentary, as they almost certainly would be killed if discovered anywhere on their journey (China has a strict policy of returning North Korean refugees, and Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam aren’t much more cooperative). Grade: A
25. “Bruiser”…It’s nature vs. nurture as a teen has his long-lost, wastrel biological father resurface, much to the tension of his strict stepfather who’s raised him for as long as he can remember. “Bruiser” is a movie smart enough to let us wonder for a little while which father figure may be better for him, milking the scenario for maximum tension as the tightly-wound stepfather’s worst case scenario starts to play out. I do wish the ending had been a little less ambiguous (and the movie had escalated to the “Cape Fear”-ish stakes it teases), but this is still an excellent sleeper indie with things to say about what’s expected of a modern man. Many people might’ve missed this, so please check it out. Grade: A
24. “Four Daughters”…One of the most unusual documentaries I’ve ever seen, as an Islamic woman has actresses portray her two daughters that ran away to join ISIS (their wrongheaded Jihadist idealism is a little bit like they ran away to join the circus) as her remaining two daughters play themselves in reenactments of family moments both mundanely everyday, and abusive. It helps that the daughters playing themselves are more born actresses than the actors who’ve been hired to play everyone else (there’s also an actress playing the mom, and a man playing various parts like the mother’s fugitive boyfriend). The eldest daughter in particular has spellbindingly dark eyes, and adds a vibrant electricity to scenes like the one where she confronts her mother’s boyfriend. Scenes tumble into each other to mimic the confused feeling the mother probably felt as the misogynistic Islamic ideals she had always pushed on her daughters gradually became a weapon they used against her–first by chastising her for wearing jeans, then by having two daughters become ISIS brides. Grade: A
23. “Nyad”…One of the most unusual “sports” movies I’ve ever seen as our protagonist is a 64-year-old cantankerous swimmer prone more to winded rants about the mediocrity of our age than any sort-of “Rocky”-style underdog uplift. One of the smartest things “Nyad” the movie does is not water down the prickliness of Diana Nyad–even her long suffering best friend Jodie Foster looks occasionally put out–making the movie feel not only different, but more realistic than most sports movies. In truth, many athletes driven to succeed at the highest level can often be insensitive to those around them, which too many movies don’t allow for. Diana’s extreme determination when it would’ve been vastly easier to give up and settle in for a forgettable retirement is directly tied to her occasional unlikability. As an added bonus the ocean scenery is nice enough that I wish this movie had had a real theatrical release instead of going to Netflix. Grade: A
22. “To Kill a Tiger”…2023 had several excellent high-risk, high-stakes documentaries (the just-mentioned “Beyond Utopia” for an example, and the Oscar-winning “20 Days in Mariupol”), but here we watch the documentary crew literally get run out of an Indian village and threatened to be killed if they ever come back. The Indian village is the setting of a horrific gang rape against a young girl, and her parent’s herculean efforts to bring the rapists to justice. It may be jarring to U.S. audiences that many village “elders” (but not necessarily wisers) keep saying the girl should just marry one of the older boys that raped her, but that only shows just how stacked the deck is against a beleaguered father and mother trying to get justice for their daughter. The common village refrain of “this is a village matter” sounded too familiar to me as I’ve heard religions, cultures, nations, and even states keep insisting they should be left alone to mete out their own justice–which, of course, they usually don’t. Grade: A
21. “Full Time”…It’s a truly fantastic year for movies when a film as essential as “Full Time” doesn’t make my “Top 20” list. “Time” is the rare drama that makes a thriller out of the daily struggle to make ends meet, plunging us right into the ticking-clock/dwindling-funds anxiety felt by a French woman running out of resources. In a world plagued by price gouging and treating people at the “bottom” as useless whenever they’re not on the clock, “Full Time” is crucial to show what too many people are actually up against. Grade: A
“The Top 20”…I don’t think I’ve ever had such a hard time narrowing it down to “just” 20 films. That I still had a handful of solid-A movies not make the cut should tell you how strong 2023 was for movies.
20. (tie) “A Million Miles Away” and “Flamin’ Hot”…Mexican-Americans might be the most underrepresented group in Hollywood currently, but here are two inspirational true stories where it would’ve been impossible to cast Australian actors instead, luckily for us, since we’re treated to terrific lead performances from Jesse Garcia (“Flamin'”) and Michael Pena (“Million”). Even though Garcia has been acting in movies for 20 years, I do think it’s safe to say “Hot” finally gives him a breakout role, playing the real-life janitor at Frito-Lays (owned by the larger conglomerate of Pepsi) who invented Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and an entire product line around that. Director Eva Longoria infuses comedic surrealism (perhaps as a wink to naysayers who have relentlessly nitpicked this movie for historical accuracy in a way I rarely see for movies about inspirational white figures), emotional scenes that never swerve into schmaltz, and a hero that’s impossible not to root for. 2023 was a great year for biographical business movies (“Air,” “Blackberry,” “Tetris,” “Ferrari”) and it’s no small thing for “Flamin’ Hot” to be the very best.
“A Million Miles Away” is a different, slower film that arguably packs even more emotional wallop. The scene where Pena–playing the real-life son of crop pickers who is determined to make it to space–reconnects with the childhood teacher who changed his life is one of only two 2023 movie scenes that made me cry. If you can watch 300 movies, and only two of them have you sniffling, then someone somewhere has done something very right. Michael Pena may be the most consistently underrated actor working today not named “Walton Goggins,” and this is one of his best performances–subtle, affecting, layered, and worthy of seeking out.
19. “Gran Turismo”…Frankly, if you’d told me I’d think this racing videogame adaptation was a better movie than Michael Mann’s latest (Ferrari), I’d have probably recommended you for psychiatric evaluation. That “Turismo” is that good–and I almost couldn’t believe it even as it was happening–perhaps shows the extreme prejudice even the best-crafted game-based movies must face to be taken seriously. But this is no “Need for Speed” junker that’s merely about cars that go vroom; “Gran” is a painstaking film about the preparation of true athletes, and what their bodies must endure to go hurtling repeatedly around a track at 100s of miles per hour. Archie Madekwe sheds his brat image (“See,” “Saltburn”) to give us a character we actually root for, and David Harbour quietly grounds the entire movie as an unsupportive coach with thwarted dreams of his own who gradually mellows into Madekwe’s biggest booster. And director Neill Blomkamp finally rediscovers the early promise of “District 9,” giving us a triumphant return to form for a director who’s spent much of the last 15 years trying our patience.
18. “Master Gardener”…How do you deprogram a racist? Most movies don’t even attempt to answer this question, leaving such difficult moral quandaries to the late-90’s, early-00’s movies brief resurrection of 70’s style antiheroes (“American History X,” “Monster’s Ball”). It’s perhaps unsurprising that writer-director Paul Schrader (a man who has spent his entire fantastic career mining the depths of male ugliness in “Raging Bull,” “Taxi Driver,” “Affliction,” and a dozen others) is the one to reengage this theme in “Master.” Joel Edgerton and Quintessa Swindell create believable heat out of one of the most unlikely screen couples of 2023 (a disavowed neo-Nazi and a drug-addicted, bi-racial woman who’s certainly not anti-woke), and Schrader’s ending is actually a “twist” since he so rarely gives his protagonists happiness. Schrader was a director beginning to feel stuck in a rut (the journaling of his main characters and the detailed process into an obscure profession could be found in his last three movies, and the endings of “Card Counter” and “Light Sleeper” are nearly identical), so–for him–a more conventional ending is actually refreshing.
17. “Polite Society”…If a movie like “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” gently prods its British-Pakistani characters into a more open world, “Society” kicks, punches, and demands it in a way that feels truly exhilarating. I’m tempted not to give away the twist in what the “perfect” mama’s boy Muslim and his devious mother are up to here, but it’s an insightful allegory into how Islam’s strictest tenets couldn’t survive if older Muslim women weren’t forcing young women to become versions of themselves.
16. “The Quiet Girl”…It’s actually pretty vague on whether or not this movie qualifies as 2023 or 2022 since the release dates get a little tricky with foreign films. Either way, I saw it in 2023, and it’s just too fantastic to overlook mentioning here. I mentioned in my “A Million Miles Away” review that the reconciliation scene between Michael Pena and his teacher (“you changed my life”) was one of only two 2023 movie scenes that made me cry, and the ending for this film was the other. You would have to be made of stone not to get swept up in the final minute of “Girl,” a movie that is–as the title gives away–quiet, but lays you out in the homestretch.
15. “John Wick 4”…The latest “Wick” movie (and, frankly, the natural ending to a series that will probably keep going anyway) is only a good movie for the first two-thirds until Wick and Co. get to Paris where it leaps into a great movie. The last section of this contains the best action I’ve seen since “Mission Impossible Fallout”‘s helicopter chase, as we’re treated to an absolutely bonkers gunfight, car chase, knife fight, fist fight, and secondary car chase in the Arc de Triomphe roundabout. [Watching Wick do doughnuts while having a shootout with thugs stranded in a river of oncoming traffic transported me to action movie heaven.] This eventually gives way to an extended gun battle in an abandoned chateau, and an all-out brawl up a flight of stairs that becomes almost mythical, as Wick feels like the Greek Sisyphus, forever pushing that boulder up a hill. The ending is absolutely perfect, and I realized that I couldn’t have asked for a better finale to the best action franchise of this century.
14. “The Covenant”…It’s odd that the full title of this movie is “Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant” since this is the least Guy Ritchie movie he’s ever made, and–not coincidentally–the best. Here, he tells the true story of an Afghani interpreter who saves the life of Jake Gyllenhaal’s American soldier, only for his entire family to get marked for death once the U.S. drags its feet in granting him refugee status. “Covenant” never quite expands into talking about the U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan (the events depicted happened before that) or the countless Afghanis targeted by the Taliban for their efforts in trying to help the U.S. transform one of the most repressive theocracies on Earth into a quasi-free society. But it’s still a timely reminder that American has allies we made a covenant to–from Afghanistan to Ukraine–and the dangers of “let the world fend for itself” isolationism in a modern world that is globally connected, whether we like it or not. As for the movie, the central friendship works without ever becoming maudlin, the performances are subtly circumspect, the action is briskly staged, and this just might be the best movie ever made about the Afghanistan War–which has never quite had it’s “Hurt Locker” or “Platoon,” more than two decades after beginning.
13. “Skinamarink”…The scariest horror movie experience I’ve had since seeing the first “Paranormal Activity” in an entirely empty movie theater almost 15 years ago. [Imagine a huge, cavernous movie theater where you’re the only person, and the skin-crawling last 20 minutes or so of that movie–it left an impression.] My worry with “Skinamarink” is that people who consider themselves horror fans–but really just like cheap jump scares and mindless slasher gore–will turn it off after the slow first few minutes instead of letting it cast a dark spell in the “comfort” of your home, preferably after midnight. “Skinamarink” is experimental as we never see the faces of any cast members, and shots have deliberately odd angles, giving it the feel of a childhood nightmare. You could have a debate if what we’re seeing is a monstrous demonic possession that traps a small child in an endless loop or just a hellish dream after too much late night TV, but either way, it feels like we’re watching an incarnation of pure evil that will stick with you for a while.
12. “The Zone of Interest”…Right from the beginning, director Jonathan Glazer is trying to train your “sound sight,” as the first few minutes are a black screen where we hear various noises. This is a good primer for a movie that asks us to “see” things we can only imagine right off the side of the screen–the setting is the faux-idyllic home of the Nazi commandant Rudolf Hoss. It is chilling to see a small child play with toys in his safe bedroom as desperate screams, Nazi commands, and gunshots can be heard right outside his walls or we are constantly asked to marvel at a lush garden where genocidal crematoriums are visible over the hedges. Perhaps scariest of all is how desperate Hoss’s wife (Sandra Huller, who is much better–to me–here than her Oscar-nominated turn in “Anatomy of a Fall”) is to hang onto to her “Dream House,” complete with Jewish slaves she can casually threaten with death if they displease her in any way. Some viewers were confused by the ending that has Hoss vaguely retching, which I think signifies that Hoss is so soul sick his body is literally gagging as an involuntarily response.
“Zone” has been compared to a commentary on the dehumanization of today. For me, the scene that expresses that best is when Huller is gleefully giving her own mother a tour of her backyard, and the mother wonders if the Jewish woman whose house she used to clean is “over there” (Auschwitz), remarking how disappointed she was not to get the woman’s curtains in a street auction. That says a lot about the politics of jealousy that are as prevalent today–where Trump’s fans constantly threaten what they will do when they “take over” the government if he’s reelected–as it was then.
10. (tie) “Bobi Wine: The People’s President” and “BS High”…What makes a good documentary great? For me, it’s the focus on “characters” over static scenes of merely letting talking heads tell us information we may already know. “Bobi Wine” and “BS High” are led by some of the best “characters” I saw in a 2023 movie. “BS High” is centered around the somewhat-villainous coach of a for-profit sports team who fabricated an entire high school around the lucrative “industry” of youth sports, much to the detriment of almost any player unfortunate enough to play for (or against) his team–some of whom were far too old to be playing high school sports. Roy Johnson is the former head coach of Bishop Sycamore “High School,” and comes across as a delusional, reckless egomaniac in the cutting edge tradition of Kanye West and Donald Trump, who Johnson has an admiration for in a scene that got cut out of the movie perhaps because it would make the inspiration for Johnson’s narcissistic grandeur even more apparent. For Johnson, the world is only a huge hustle for him to build an “empire,” or money-making monument to his own greatness; he’d be a pitiable figure if he weren’t putting so many kids at risk (former players literally write raps about how much he sucks).
On the opposite end of the spectrum is “Bobi Wine,” both the documentary and the person himself, an Uganda celebrity and freedom activist who runs for President, hoping to become the Zelenskyy of Uganda against a de facto dictatorship that has clearly fabricated its elections for decades. Bobi Wine reminded me of Alexei Navalny, as he’s continually beat up, imprisoned, and harassed by corrupt cops in an effort to make him drop out. His efforts are Herculean, and you can see why the people become so inspired by him. The documentary itself does a good job of giving you the necessary information without ever weighing down or stalling the narrative, as propulsive as any fictional political thriller you’ll see.
9. “How to Blow Up a Pipeline”…Is eco-terrorism really terrorism or self-defense against a world so sclerotic, it refuses to truly tackle climate crisis? That’s the interesting, nervy question at the center of this movie, which is structured like a time jumping, “Reservoir Dogs”-ish crime caper but with more layered, diverse characters. This reminded me a little bit of 90’s indie dramas, which were able to put everyday characters into thrilling situations for maximum effect. [Too many these days think it’s enough to merely have a character say “I’m gay” and stare melancholy out a window for 90 minutes; here it’s “I’m gay…and we need to blow up this pipeline that’s killing us.”] The dramatic stakes are high, the narrative thrust is propulsive, and the characters sympathetic; cheers to a near-perfect small-budget thriller.
7. (tie) “The Delinquents” and “Inside”…Two of the most unusual heist movies in ages. “Inside” has a high-end thief get literally trapped inside the home he was supposed to burgle. An ordinary version of this material might turn into a horror movie with the owners being sadistic villains, but since “Inside” stars the peerless Willem Dafoe (quite possibly the best actor alive), you might guess that this film is headed in a more unusual, existentialist direction. As the days turn into weeks (and possibly months), “Inside” becomes the most unlikely of survival films–one set in an extremely luxurious apartment-turned-prison where Dafoe’s very life may depend on him getting caught. The cliche is that a great actor can read the phonebook and you’ll be riveted, but the new barometer should be “Can an actor be so desperate for water they lick ice trays or so starved for necessities they’re forced to poop long-term on the floor–as Dafoe does here–and make it somehow look artistic?” Not since “All is Lost,” has a survival film connected on such a deeper level, as “Inside” asks questions about how we’re living (this highest-end condo most would kill for is clearly not this person’s primary residence, possibly only spending a few weeks out of the year there), and if it’s better to be forever trapped inside the nicest residence or living broke outside of it.
“The Delinquents” also takes a more philosophical bent towards heists as it follows a workmanlike bank manager who decides to steal a small fortune in cash (roughly the same as if he had to work at the bank for the rest of his life), hand it off to a friend for safekeeping, and then do a small prison sentence for non-violently taking the money. “Delinquents” may be too long, but the leisurely pace is a reinforcement of the movie’s ethos that our jobs won’t miss us when we’re gone, and that meaninglessly working our lives away should be avoided at all costs. It’s a true–but daring–viewpoint for any movie to take in 2023, and I wish “Delinquents” had received the Best International Feature nomination that went to “Society in the Snow” so more eyeballs would’ve been drawn to this under-seen drama. Like “Inside,” it also isn’t afraid to challenge the boundaries of form, embracing clever meta-commentary like having the same actor play the head bank manager and the prison gang leader, a commentary that all bosses are really the same.
6. “May/December”…Many people have compared this movie to the tabloid story of Mary Kay Letourneau falling in love with her student, and then having a long-term marriage with him (and this may have technically inspired “December”). But it’s much closer to Ingmar Bergman’s experimental “Persona,” as an actress (Natalie Portman, whose “sensitive” facade eventually dissolves into emotional vampirism) studies her subject (Julianne Moore) to the point of blurring every possible line between them–even as the obvious tension between them never abates. A fine supporting cast includes the “long time, no see” D.W. Moffett as Moore’s first husband–understandably shocked by her affair–and Charles Melton as the perpetual student she “fell in love” with, trapping him in a permanent adolescence.
5. “Oppenheimer”…Equal parts “Frankenstein,” “Mishima,” and “Amadeus,” as Christopher Nolan’s artful, fluid biopic swirls time and space to jump around the life of a heralded physicist eventually horrified by his own creation. All of that would be more than enough for one blockbuster–and hallelujah people actually went to see a three-hour period drama aimed squarely at adults!–but he layers in a secondary, black-and-white viewpoint: that of Oppenheimer’s nemesis Lewis Strauss, who sees Oppenheimer’s ambivalent anxiety as aloof arrogance. This is one of the best visual representations I’ve ever seen of how we often see people differently than they view themselves, as the exact same scene has entirely different feel depending on whose viewpoint we’re in. [Oppenheimer is lost in his own head, and barely knows Strauss is alive, while Strauss is fixated on Oppenheimer as someone deliberately disrespecting him.] Here, Christopher Nolan is a master at the top if his game, orchestrating waves of sight and sound to create a handful of the best scenes he’s ever created–like the pep rally scene where clueless attendees may be cheering on their own destruction or the final reveal to Einstein, which understandably left him speechless.
4. “A Haunting in Venice”…Out of all the rankings in my “Top 20,” this one may be even more questioned than “Gran Turismo,” but Kenneth Branagh ups his directorial game dramatically here, giving us a faith-questioning, spooky Hercule Poirot story of shadows and doubt. The technical aspects are so masterful, there’s no doubt in my mind that if this were a foreign indie, “Venice” would’ve been nominated for Oscars for the impeccable costume design, the alive production design (the dilapidated Venetian villa becomes a character in its own right), and maybe even the inky cinematography, where things lurk so deliberately out of the frame to make us question just what we’re seeing, that every scene must’ve been a painstaking visual choice. The female supporting cast is especially strong, with crafty, ambiguous work from Michelle Yeoh, Emma Laird, Kelly Reilly, and a sly Tina Fey, putting her mischievous twinkle to great dramatic use. To gush one last time about the cinematography and direction: “Haunting” has a handful of the most memorable images in 2023 movies, like the haunting image of a Venetian police boat floating through the water carrying bodies or the triumphant final image, a swirling panorama of Venice as our beloved detective decides to keep up the good fight–set to the perfect selection of “When the Lights Go On Again.” For much of the movie, a beleaguered, semi-retired Hercule Poirot knows he can never make much of a dent in all the evils of the world, and it’s exhilarating seeing him go on anyway, determined to do all he can.
3. “Dream Scenario”…Those who still (mistakenly) view Nicolas Cage as a laughing stock haven’t been paying attention to his terrific recent work in “Pig” (where a just world would’ve seen him Oscar-nominated that year) and now “Dream Scenario,” his hands-down best film out of the six he was in during 2023. “Subtle” isn’t a word often associated with Cage, and–if we’re being honest–we’d prefer to see him go nuts (like his skillfully deranged work in “Sympathy for the Devil” or best-thing-in-a-crappy-movie “Renfield” performance). But his work in “Dream” is possibly his most nuanced since “Adaptation,” playing an unremarkable college professor who enjoys showing up in lots of people’s dreams worldwide until the dreams start becoming nightmares. “Scenario” is a metaphysical allegory of the fear of cancel culture, and equally insatiable desire for insta-fame that never devolves into mere preaching (or screeching). Later in the movie, there’s a plan to sell influencers and ads within dreams, a sharp jab at a modern media culture determined to colonize our imaginations. “Dream” has a lot on its mind and it’s a credit to writer-director Kristoffer Borgli that he’s able to hit his marks so nimbly. [For me, his film ran circles around more seasoned surrealists like Ari Aster and Yorgos Lathimos.] Naturally, “Scenario” was completely shut out of the Academy Awards, where it would’ve been nice to at least see a nomination for the truly original script. Speaking of movies that were snubbed…
Best Film(s) of 2023: it’s a tie between “Origin” and “Elemental”…”Elemental” should’ve won Best Animated Feature instead of losing to “Heron,” and “Origin” should’ve been nominated for Best Picture instead of being completely shutout without a single Academy Award nomination. [Aunjanue Ellis for Best Actress and Best Adapted Screenplay for Ava Duvernay seem even more obvious than Best Picture.]
“Origin” is about the origins of racism in caste systems throughout the world–which may sound like a dry dissertation–but writer-director Ava Duvernay is too skillful to let that happen. Constantly, she’s probing for new ways into could’ve-been cliche scenes; for example, when Ellis has a MAGA-hat wearing repairman (Nick Offerman) come look at her pipes, and she’s able to coax a dimension out of him with only a few sentences. But then, Duvernay defies expectations again by never making something overly appeasing by saying some version of “we can win the racists over by showing them endless sympathy,” since her movie argues that that’s also a waste of time in a world where caste-systems have been indoctrinated from birth. Rather than making something morally-simplistic and visually inert (which too many documentaries like “Stamped from the Beginning” do, whereas DuVernay notably didn’t in her “13th” documentary), she’s able to bring these examples to life with a swirling technical mastery of sight, sound, and empathy, like a more sensitive version of Christopher Nolan, but no less effective.
“Elemental” follows similar terrain, as literal different elements begin this movie’s version of an interracial romance. [“Origin” also included a knowing scene where even the oppressed group is baffled by interracial couples, wanting the movie’s heroine to get back into her box as fast as possible, insensitively asking only months after her white husband died.] Despite being about a sentient flame and gurgling mass of human-shaped water, this is a movie that has real things to say about limiting cultural expectations people put on themselves just as oppressively as if outside forces were doing it, and the soft bigotry of life in an open city (something frivolous like a sports game is treated as more important to a top bureaucrat than saving a livelihood). All of this is done in a visual style that is a feast for the eyes–this was the movie I was most glad to have seen in a movie theater in 2023, bringing every bubble pop and fire crackle to startling life–and a couple that generates more heat than almost any flesh-and-blood movie duo I saw last year. It all comes together with a final scene showing respect from new to old that is undeniably moving.