There’s always factions inside a political movement, and that may be especially true for liberals–of which there are at least several dozen “types” from black liberals that may not support gay marriage to gay liberals that may be uncaring towards immigrant rights to immigrants that may not like unions to union liberals that may want to keep fossil fuels going to the chagrin of environmental liberals who may not like black liberals, etc.
The following are 5 types of liberals that either irritate me as much as they irritate non-liberals or that I don’t see eye-to-eye with…
Runner-Up Liberal: Clipboard Animal Rights Liberal Outside a Whole Foods. “Do you have a moment to talk about Blackfish?” “Do you want to shut down the circus?” “Do you want Hollywood to use computer generated horses for Westerns?” “Would you like to stop zoos from existing?” No, no I don’t. Factory farms and animal testing are cruel and should stop, but shutting down aquariums? Talk about mission creep. And those animals people are so glad are “freed” from a defunct Barnum and Bailey or a struggling Sea World? It’ll be six months before they’re poached to death on the African plains or harpooned by Japanese whalers, respectively.
5. Joyless, asexual P.C. liberals usually found writing scolding think pieces, twitter memes, or staging protests no one outside a college campus would attend. What initially drove me to the Democratic Party wasn’t really the Democratic Party so much as joyless, asexual social conservatives (Alabama had more of them than your “Libertarian” types) who were trying to write the rules of how people should live. As I said in an episode of the podcast, some politically correct liberals may now be the new social conversatives. When I was a kid, it was the social conservatives that wanted to shut down beauty pageants, Victoria’s Secret commercials, and pornography. Now there is seemingly a debate among liberals about how sexy a grown woman (like Emily Ratajkowski, who herself has scolded people for criticizing Melania Trump) should be on her own Instagram page. Fuck y-o-u. This constantly evolving (i.e. worsening) intellectual circle-jerk over what is or isn’t misogynistic/feminist/sexist/racist/Islamophobic/body positive/heteronormative/transphobic/pronoun-positive/he-she-them/non-binary (a new one I heard last month)/sex-spectrum correct is the exact kind of thing that makes it feel like we’ve become the new joyless scolds making people run to the other party. Right now, it feels like the only woman some liberals are comfortable seeing naked is Ashley Graham and in six months even that will be “pandering to the male gaze, a teenage boy’s fantasy of objectification!” Trying to rewrite men’s sex drives and how women should attract them feels like a retrograde step not all that different from 90’s social conservatives trying to ban Playboys or videogames or “smut” like birth control mentions on “Seinfeld.”
4. Anti-gun nuts. America has the highest prison population in the world. You’ll notice I didn’t add-on the “in the civilized or industrialized world” qualifier usually added to things America alone has, I mean in the entire world there is not a country that locks up more people than we do. Obviously, ending the Drug War is a step in the right direction, but not if those drug crime jail cells are soon replaced with people selling hand guns. It’s the law of unintended consequences: was there a need to pass tough laws on crack cocaine, sure, but what wound up happening (a staggering high number of black men in prison) is pretty much exactly what happens whenever prohibition is tried. Plus, it doesn’t even fit with the rest of the liberal platform, which is pro-legalization for medical marijuana, recreational marijuana, abortion, euthanization, stem cell research, online poker, gambling, a lottery (in Alabama), prostitution (for some liberals, like myself), sex toys, gay marriage, transgender bathrooms, immigration, etc. Why single out guns as the one thing they’re against a legalization policy for? And you may have noticed every red and purple state Republican since the 80’s has run on a “liberals will take your guns away” campaign for a reason: it honestly is a big deal to rural voters.
3. Pro-Contractor Economy Techie Social Justice Warrior Liberals. There is a type of “liberal” that is really more a Libertarian which is really more a Republican because I’ve never met a “Libertarian” that was truly as socially liberal as they were economically conservative, and so what even if they were? Being for gay marriage or immigration reform is no longer a badge of honor if you’re anti-union, anti-paid sick leave, anti-paid maternity leave, anti-universal healthcare, anti-minimum wage increase, anti-progressive income tax, anti-funding public schools, anti-regulation, anti-student loan reform, anti-income inequality reform, and anti-laws against the gig or “contractor economy” which people use to skirt the protections afforded to real employees. If you’re not supportive of any of the liberal economic agenda then in my view you’re not even a real liberal. [Note: Although Bernie Sanders supporters sometimes confuse what I’m saying with a “Hillary Clinton liberal” or seemingly any liberal that has a bank account.]
2. The Liberal that Refuses to Directly Criticize Islam or the Catholic Church or Religious Tradition. There is a certain type of liberal that is a little overly fond of the new Pope—who has not instituted any real change despite some nifty speeches—or thinks critiquing Islam as an ideology is automatically bigoted towards the entire Middle-East or who routinely brushes away any criticism of just about any religion with more members than Scientology. I think people that cater to the worst aspects of Christianity or Islam have a high tolerance for religious non-sense, and that’s particularly infuriating when they may be Social Justice Warriors for anything not directly tied to religion. Penn State? “Monsters.” Catholic Church sex abuse? “We really don’t know all the facts.” The Hooters chain existing? “Misogyny personified, we might as well be living in ‘The Handmaid’s Tale.'” Muslim women wearing burkas, a Naqib that sometimes covers even their eyes, and generally not speaking to men or making eye contact with them? “Well, who are we to tell others how to live?”
1. Liberals that Do Not Really Support or Like Interracial Relationships. There are liberals that are SJWs on just about everything, but get very quiet when the exact form of bigotry is prejudice towards Interracial couples. Mike Huckabee criticized Beyonce? “Let’s stage a protest.” A Louisiana judge won’t issue marriage licenses for Interracial couples? [Crickets]. I’ve mentioned many times that Hollywood routinely negatively portrays IR couples in movies or TV–mostly because the blowback of negatively portraying IR couples is low–and I’ll keep mentioning it since apparently I’m the only one willing. But what I’ve noticed is that even the negative portrayals are seemingly “too much” for some “liberals” on social media, and they often wonder why they’re being shown non-black or non-white couples at all.
This is a much bigger category than people realize and it’s particularly hard to see since someone may be liberal on literally everything else. Black people that may spend a lot of time actively campaigning for better rights for themselves, but are reluctant to support a relative dating someone of another race. White people that may think they’re progressive or “woke” but just “don’t see it” when their token minority friend dates someone white, and are overly enthusiastic when they date someone same-race again, like “What a great couple!” If you think black people marrying interracially hurts the black community or Asian people marrying interracially weakens your family or white people marrying interracially won’t last, then you’re kind-of an asshole, regardless of your reasons and I’ve heard them all. Being against Trump is easy, being against an Indian father who would disown his daughter for marrying a non-Indian guy is a little trickier and more necessary to break down the divisions that produce people like Trump in the first place.