This is a little unusual for the Fast Food Critic for three reasons: 1. This feature has been benched for about a month so welcome back everyone! 2. We are covering a fast food item that’s actually somewhat healthy, 3. In keeping with the Obama week theme, I sort of grasp at straws to tie this in with Michelle Obama’s childhood obesity campaign.
First I’d like to say it’s completely ridiculous that Michelle Obama has taken so much shit for suggesting your children should eat less things covered in sugar, salt, and trans fat and more things that are green. First lady’s always pick some innocuous, horseshit thing people can’t argue with much (a campaign against drugs or illiteracy for example) and that’s what Michelle—too much of a background fixture in her husband’s administration—is doing by campaigning against morbidly unhealthy kids that won’t live past 50 years old.
Some of that cause might be showing up in new fast food items like Hardee’s turkey burger. It is being marketed as containing only 500 calories. Still a bit hefty for a patty no bigger or more tasty than a sponge but we’ll take it.
While You’re Eating It: A sponge dipped in mayonnaise, the rare burger where the bun has more taste. For a great tasting turkey burger from a national chain I suggest Ruby Tuesday’s, unless it’s less healthy, and then, uhhh, yeah…Go Michelle!
After You’re Done: Not too bad. Less bloated than pretty much anything I’ve reviewed so far. You feel mostly bored, and that could apply to while you’re eating it as well. Although, over other feelings like gripping a toilet bowl for dear life or bloated until you finally pass out for sleep that night, I think bored is a pretty big win.
Impotence Level: Not too bad at all, Hugh Hefner would only need to take three Viagra after eating this…which is pretty much his usually dosage.
Heart Attack Level on a Scale of 1 to 5: 1.5 (I just can’t give something reviewed here a one…it’s not in me, I wish I were a bigger person)