Basically, we could just do a rogue’s gallery of assholes, and that’s exactly what I want to do. The top 5 assholes of the week are…
5. Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin…This defeated Missouri senate candidate gave one of the most bitter and partisan concession speeches I’ve ever seen. Thank God we won’t have to see this clown anymore.
4. Mitt Romney (it’s pretty bad when he’s only the fourth runner-up of asshole-dom)…This guy was so confident he would win that he apparently didn’t write a concession speech, and a website his team created (showing the transition for when he won) leaked out. Wow, some pretty stunning confidence for a guy that was never, not once, ahead in the electoral college.
3. Pat Buchanan…After Obama won, he said “White America has died tonight.” Holy shit! All white people are dead?! Am I dead?! Am I writing this article from the afterlife? Is this now a ghost website from the beyond and only the great-seer Pat Buchanan is aware of it?
2. Ted Nugent/Victoria Jackson/Rush Limbaugh…The only thing better than Obama winning was reading the Twitter reactions by some famous right-wing blowhards. They all seemed pretty depressed, and yet…they really have no country to threaten to move to.
1. And finally, of course, a three way tie between Shelden Adelson, Donald Trump, and Karl Rove. All three of these men spent big money trying to elect Mitt Romney, all lost their shirts, and all seemed not to believe it. Trump took to Twitter to call for a revolution (good idea, let’s come after him first). Rove argued with Faux News about the results, saying they were premature to call it for Romney (that’s right…the most far-right news organization in America was being accused of a liberal bias). And Adelson was the election’s biggest individual loser, betting 54 million on Gingrich, then Romney, and losing it all…In other words, a man who made his fortune in casinos that get people to make lousy bets actually bet on a loser, I love a good dose of irony.
These men thought they could buy the Democratic process. They couldn’t, and the country is better for it.