Famous Alabamian in the News: Katherine Webb. After crusty old Brent Musburger practically got a boner on national television talking about how hot she is at the national championship game, Webb (who is a former Miss Alabama USA and the current girlfriend of Alabama’s quarterback…but for how long? AJ seems to get awfully touchy every time a black athlete friends her on twitter) has been everywhere. There’s been internet searches, there’s been a Today Show appearance where she defended Musburger (no shit she did, he made her famous! best thing that ever happened to her, and exactly what she was hoping for when she started dating the quarterback), and Donald Trump even offered her a job judging the next Miss USA pageant. A story like this is heart warming; it’s good to know in this cynical, dog-eat-dog world that a bimbo jock fucker with no other attributes but her looks can still sleep her way to the top. Kind of makes you feel like your average joe can make it too doesn’t it? No, well alright then…
Speaking of crusty, gray-haired men that have hilariously inappropriate crushes, apparently Newt motherfucking Gingrich has been sending Snooki gifts, and her fiancee doesn’t like it. If there is a Newt–Snooki–Random Guido love triangle, I would love for them to bring Jersey Shore back.
Now that Django Unchained is a hit, maybe it’s okay to have a graphic novel-style slavery tale where————NOPE! Because now there are Django Unchained action figures, and they are sparking an understandable outrage.
Conspiracy theorist and all around lunatic, Alex Jones showed up on Piers Morgan’s show to go on a pro-gun tirade, and, when Morgan had the audacity to disagree with a blowhard like Jones, Jones said Piers should be deported. Now, a petition to deport Piers Morgan over his anti-gun views has 100,000 signatures but (even more hilariously) there’s a counter petition in England saying they don’t want Piers back. After all the slimy shit Piers has pulled, I never though it would be his stance on gun control that got him booted, and I feel half-bad for the man, but the headline “Piers Morgan Deported” just cracks me up for some reason.
Asshole of the Week: Atlanta-based rapper “Shawty Lo” (anyone calling themselves anything remotely like that just has to be an asshole). There’s a purposed new reality show on the Oxygen Network causing all kinds of hell because it follows around this bastard and his 11 different children with 10 different women. The show is called, you guessed it, “Baby Mamas,” and many are (rightfully) concerned that it would glorify a bad situation. I think it’s irresponsible for Oxygen to put this on, but it’s Oxygen, their whole point is irresponsible (Bad Girls Club). The real blame has to lie with Shawty Lo or anyone that would think it’s cool to run around ruining a dozen women’s lives with a bunch of kids you don’t plan to raise.