Worst Present: A pack of socks…No matter how much someone pretends like it’s something they needed, they’re lying. Sure, you might “need” socks, but you probably also need a tooth brush, shaving cream, bar soap, or any number of things you could buy at a drug store for a pocketful of loose change.
Worst Food: Whatever “that one aunt” makes. We all have that one aunt who’s a super nice lady but can’t cook worth a shit and nobody has the heart to tell her. Instead of phoning in a completely thoughtless, uncle-approved item like a 2 liter Coca-Cola (or more likely the timeless uncle tradition of bringing nothing) they go all out making something that took them half a day to make…and just as long for you to swallow.
Worst Small Talk Around the Christmas Table: If you have a relative that only refers to President Obama as “Hussein,” do not engage them in anything but talk of the weather. They will make anything and everything political, and it will make you mad.
Runner-Up for Worst Small Talk Around the Christmas Table: Money. Every family I’ve ever encountered has had some sort of dispute about money in one way or another–I think everybody has that one grandfather that is either a mooch or a miser–but even referencing this on Christmas is kind-of like bringing up the Holocaust during a bridal shower: there’s no good way to do it.
Worst Relative: It’s a tie between that cousin with what seems like ten kids who just stops by for thirty minutes to stuff their faces and that cousin who won’t leave. Nobody likes someone blatantly just stopping by to feed a small army before they head off to do crystal meth BUT we also don’t want someone treating Christmas like a permaneant vacation that only ends when the winter does.