Ryan Seacrest will be a part of NBC’s primetime Olympics coverage in an increasingly desperate bid to convince them he’s substantial enough to replace Matt Lauer on The Today Show in a couple years. Seacrest plans to show his newfound maturity by grilling olympic swimmers on who designed the Speedo they’re wearing and asking all male athletes which Kardashian sister they’ve been on a date with.
Speaking of Kardashians—-if we must—-Kanye West has written a new song about how much we “loves” Kim. At last a celebrity couple that makes sense to me, a match made in hell—-I mean, good luck you two crazy kids!
Former Olympian/Dancing with the Stars Winner Kristi Yamaguchi released a children’s book with parenting tips for “parents with busy schedules.” Tip 1: Be as rich as Kristi Yamaguchi, Tip 2: There is no tip two.
Runner-Up Asshole of the Week: Whoever decided it was a good idea to cast Ashton Kutcher in a Steve Jobs biopic. I can see approximately zero traces of Jobs (the chilly yet brilliant hippie turned iconoclast) in Kutcher (the goofy yet non-brilliant Libertarian/cougar bait turned sitcom star), and I’m seriously wondering how they came up with this casting. Randomly pulling names out of a hat? Flipping through a list of “Actors NOT Nominated for Oscars?” Picking him on a dare?
Asshole of the Week: Rihanna. I know, I know, she’s not really the typical contender for this feature, and I hate picking on someone who’s so unpolitical or genuinely harmless (except that she’s become a role model, so she kind-of is harmful to young girls who look up to her), but her “relationship” with Chris Brown forces me to include her here. Last week, “Ri-Ri” (as her fans call her in either endearment or insult) said she has nothing to apologize for in “reconnecting” with Chris Brown, and it’s really none of people’s business. Now maybe that would be true if Rihanna had not repeatedly given interviews on the subject, made that the focus of her life for a year, and even included it as a big theme on her album “Rated R.” It’s a bit like making America her surrogate parent, and then telling daddy that “I can make my OWN decisions!”
She then went on to say that people shouldn’t waste their time ranting on blogs about it (which, of course, will only make me and every other blogger want to…so don’t throw the bait out there), she only trusts the counsel of fellow mess Katy Perry (whose marriage to Russell Brand didn’t last a year), she’s single because so few men understand her (I guess that means they won’t understand her need to get beat up), and at the end of the day, she’ll do whatever she wants…an immature, meaningless phrase if you’re older than a teenager, and Rihanna, 24, is definitely old enough to know better. Never has someone who thinks she’s so strong come off looking so unintentionally weak.