By that title I mean being stuck in a movie theater while a trailer plays that you have seen, approximately, 4,000 times. It isn’t just that the preview is bad, it’s that it’s BECOME bad because of the sheer volume of times you’ve been forced to watch it. Though if the trailer really sucks seeing…
Mom Jokes
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good…
Monday Morning Movie Review: Midnight in Paris
Today brings the latest gritty slice of life drama from Woody NoSnitchin’ Allen, Midnight in Paris. I’m just fucking with you, it’s Woody’s latest slight comedy that doesn’t seem to take place in a world that uses money to pay for anything. All of the characters are well off (even the historical hallucinations Owen Wilson’s…
Bubba’s Sex Tips: Nothing Wrong with a Green Card Marriage
With all the hullabaloo about gay marriage, I feel it’s time for Bubba to take a more traditional stance: firmly in favor of green card marriage. After all, marriage should be between a desperate, impoverished woman with no options, hellbent on staying in a first world country and a socially retarded man unable to get…
Interviews with the Invisible: The Illegal Immigrant
[Note: This is a previously posted interview. At the time it ran I don’t think it got the readership it deserved and it can be read in a new light now that Alabama has passed some ridiculously strict illegal immigration legislation.] For this interview I sat down and talked with a member of one of…
Larger Editorial: Why Herman Cain is the Scariest GOP Candidate
I know that in a week dedicated to immigration and race issues, it might not be the smartest idea to single out the one black candidate Republicans have running for President as the scariest. Rest assured, it has nothing to do with his race, and unlike when Republicans say they don’t hate Obama because he’s…
Petty Issues
I want to see Ron Paul’s birth certificate. I’m pretty sure he killed my great, great grandfather at the Battle of Gettysburg. For a party of homophobes, Republicans sure are gay for Ronald Reagan. They quote him constantly and try to predict what he would or wouldn’t like he’s some messianic figure worth slavish devotion….
Working Class Economist: Why Mexicans Are Not Taking Your Jobs
Recently, Alabama’s Republican legislature passed the most restrictive immigrant legislation since the Japanese saw the inside of an internment camp. The real reasons are politically cynical (most families that are illegal have kids or relatives that are legal, if the whole family uproots to a different state none of them will be able to vote…and…
Down & Out in Bumblefuck: The Rural News Covers Illegal Immigrants
If you’re talking about hardships in rural areas, you’d be wrong not to mention illegal immigrants. You could safely say almost no one has it tougher in Bumblefuck as there’s new laws that make it extremely clear that Alabama doesn’t “take too kindly to foreigners” as if there was any doubt before they weren’t thrilled…
Entertainment Editorial: Let’s Deport British, Canadian, and Australian Actors!
This week is going to be illegal immigrant week here on Alabama Liberal, but today I’d like to address the real problem. Instead of deporting Mexicans deboning chickens at Tyson Foods, we ought to be focusing on the real menace to society that’s hogging up all the good jobs: the British, Irish, Scottish, South African,…
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: The Green Lantern
If you’ve seen any of this movie’s 150 million dollars worth of advertising (the whole thing supposedly cost over 300 million to make and distribute) you know what it’s about. [If you haven’t seen any previews for this movie…what are you doing on this website Amish children?] And maybe that’s the problem. I knew so…
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Mr. Popper’s Penguins
Just when you thought Hollywood couldn’t stoop any lower, here comes this movie that blatantly steals an idea. You might be wondering what idea the movie steals, welllllll, I’ll tell you. This movie is a brazen rip off of the popular children’s book Mr. Fletcher’s Pigeons, written by yours truly. I’m so mad I’m calling…
TV Review: The Killing
You don’t know how bad I wish I could spoil AMC’s first season finale of The Killing. I literally can’t because the killer was still not revealed even after a very long season. I think the actual episode number of The Killing was only 12 or 13 but it felt more like a full season…