Let’s not bomb Syria. Wouldn’t that be great? What if——and I know this will sound so radically crazy it will be hard to comprehend at first—–the United States did nothing in Syria? What if we didn’t take the bait every time? What if we remembered that we’ve been involved in a war for 217 out of our 237…
TV Reviews: The Pitch, Owner’s Manual, The League
The League…Now that FX’s comedy about fantasy football has moved over to FXX (whatever the hell that is, I just know that, despite its name, it’s not a porno network) I wondered if the show would be radically different to make folks desperately search their channel guide to figure out where in the hell FXX…
Petty Issues: 50 Shades In, True Blood Out, Drugs are Mixed
After months of casting hype, the 50 Shades of Grey movie finally has its two lead stars…Is it Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (as E.L. James originally wanted, these books started as Twilight fan fiction, after all)? Nope…Is it Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt? Nope…Is it Chris Evans and Shailene Woodley at least?! Nope…It’s…drum roll…
TV Review: “Futurama” Enjoys a Perfect Series Finale #futurama
Tonight was the final episode of the final season of the final resurrection of Futurama. That means no more episodes on Fox/Comedy Central, no more revivals on other networks (unless Netflix is interested…please?), and probably no more standalone movies to fill the void. Tonight’s episode was called “Meanwhile,” and if Futurama ever had to end——–and…
Fast Food Critic: State Fair Foods, Part 1 (Deep Fried Snickers, Pork Chop Sticks, etc.)
The “Part 1” of that title is either a threat or a promise depending on your perspective on nasty, greasy, unhygienic things, but enough about the people of rural Minnesota who showed up in droves for the fair…Recently, I had the pleasure/displeasure of sampling some of the worst calorie bombs around at the Minnesota State…
Ariel Castro is Dead, but It’s Not a Suicide
For those that don’t know——or wish they didn’t——Ariel Castro is the Ohio man who held three young girls hostage for the better part of a decade until one of them broke free and called the cops. I’m the biggest advocate of “innocent until proven guilty” you’re likely to meet, but there is no question of…
TV Review: TNT’s “Cold Justice” is Possibly the Most Destructive Reality Show to Date
TNT’s new reality show “Cold Justice” (following two female crime solvers getting paid to solve cold cases) isn’t just devoid of real entertainment value——-it’s essentially a lurid Dateline special swallowed up by static, repetitive scenes of telling us the same five “facts” over and over again———it also could get innocent people locked up. This is…
Comedy Central Roast of James Franco
I have missed as many of these Comedy Central Roasts as I have seen, and it usually just depends on whether or not one is on when there’s nothing else to watch, and tonight’s certainly fit that criteria. [A Labor Day monday at nine o’clock? Yep, I’m pretty sure I’m free.] Plus, I was curious…
Movie Review: “The Spectacular Now” See it Now
An excellent indie now getting a nation-wide theatrical release, and it couldn’t have happened to a better underdog-film. What Works: This is the story of a high school senior (Miles Teller) who is the life of the party, and always in the moment. That’s mostly because he’s always drinking. There are few moments of the…
Monday Morning Movie Reviewer: Closed Circuit
A movie I wanted to like more than I did, and yet I will absolutely recommend this movie. In a world where a smart, adult thriller can gross a pitiful 3 million dollars on opening weekend and it can’t even get a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, somebody has to be a champion for the underdogs. What…
Movie Review: The Astoundingly Bad “The Getaway”
One of the worst movies I’ve seen this year. I kept rubbing my eyes together, wondering if what I was seeing was really as crumby as I thought. If a movie about a race car driver (Ethan Hawke…not exactly on creative fire after this and The Purge) forced to complete a series of mysterious tasks…
Movie Review: You’re Next
For months before this film was released there was crazy-good buzz coming off of it. Entertainment Weekly repeatedly wrote articles saying “Here comes your next horror obsession” or “Is ‘You’re Next’ the Next Big Horror Hit?” Well, the film opened well below expectations last weekend and there was exactly one other person in the theater…
Movie Review: Percy Jackson 2: Sea of Monsters
The review you’ve been waiting with baited breath for. [eye roll] Don’t worry, I’ve got much more current films scheduled all throughout the day, so keep checking back. What Works: The acting is bad, the pacing is worse, the direction is shoddy, and the dialogue is terrible. So what makes Percy Jackson any good? I…