More 2013 releases to dump…
Movie 43…This film is widely considered one of the worst of 2013 and it’s easy to see why. It’s an anthology film that somehow gets A-list talent like Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet to show up in a skit about a guy who has a pair of balls on his neck. All the sketches are based on jokes that sound better on paper, and after a while the repetitive “shock” of the movie becomes lethal: by definition comedy is centered around surprise but when the movie keeps telling you that it’s all surprises, nothing really stands out. The worst sketch is an awful after-the-credits one about a scheming animated cat. The best? There’s really not one but the least bad is probably the one where Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant play a blind date game of truth or dare that keeps escalating the dares. It’s not everyday Halle Berry is asked to flash enormous fake breasts to the camera—-it’s the kind of moment the entire movie wants to be but isn’t. Grade: D
The Last Stand…This was supposed to be Arnold Schwarzenneger’s big comeback film around this time last year but nobody much showed up. Since then, there’s been some revisionist history that this thing (about Ah-nuld’s weathered Arizona sheriff being the only one who can stop a drug cartel leader making his way to the Mexican border) is actually pretty good, but don’t be fooled. It’s ridiculous pulp that keeps piling on the absurdities (for example, how an immigrant like Arnold ever became a small town Arizona sheriff or how he keeps doing “action scenes” when he looks like he’d rather be going in for more plastic surgery). Sure, some of the action scenes have great staging, but it’s not inventive enough to really make up for the fact that we might actually care more about the bad guy’s escape than Arnold’s attempts to stop him. Grade: C-
The Killing Season…John Travolta is a Serbian soldier obsessed with getting vengeance on an American veteran (Robert De Niro) who wronged him nearly 20 years earlier. He tracks him down to his hunting cabin and they start off as friends before the trap is eventually set, then the rest of the movie is about the two men trying to get the best of each other.
This movie got almost no buzz when it opened in theaters except for people making fun of Travolta’s East European accent (De Niro’s Southern one comes off a little better), but I’ll admit that I’m sucker for survivalist movies and the movie’s not flat-out terrible. Sure, it’s overly violent, is really only 80 minutes long minus the overlong credits, and there’s a lack of real suspense since we know that neither man can die too soon before the movie is over, but it’s certainly a better way for aging actors to mature their brand than Arnold’s silly Last Stand. Grade: C+