It turns out that a Jim Jarmusch (the ultra-indie maverick whose films usually hold no accessibility for a mass audience) vampire movie isn’t all that different from a regular vampire movie—-or at least how they used to look before the young adult crowd co-opted them. His vampires are world weary, sophisticated, and dated-chic in a 70’s rock-and-roll meets Victorian way.
What Works: There’s no question that the right two actors to play oddly stylish and romantically downbeat vampires are Tom Hiddelson and Tilda Swinton. They’re asked to play more sketches than fully fleshed out characters, so the uniqueness behind their interactions is largely due to them. They do compellingly give off the vibe of people who’ve been alive for a very long time, but the only person who looks like they’re having real fun in this movie is John Hurt as a shaggy rascal vampire who also happened to be Christopher Marlowe in one of his many incarnations.
What Doesn’t: There’s a stubborn immobility to everything we’re watching on screen. It may be the first vampire movie that’s more intentionally likely to make you drowsy than scare you. Hiddelson’s character is morose about the world and suicidal but his despair feels more like a plot device than something we can really feel.
What I Would Have Done Differently: You can probably skip this movie and not miss much.