Alright so this movie’s kind-of stupid right? Problem is, it may not be stupid enough. The weirdest thing in this movie is that they play the story entirely straight, and there isn’t a drop of irony in having the 16th president of the United States swing a giant axe on top of a vampire’s skull. It’s downright…earnest…
What Works: I like Seth Grahame-Smith’s work (check out the book “Unholy Night”) but actually haven’t read the book Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. I suspect that the book is actually a clever allegory for slavery, with the plantation owners as “vampires” living off the lifeblood of people who don’t want to work for them. [The movie shows that vampires have taken up a haven in the deep South, because nobody will miss the slaves they drain the blood of.] And the movie’s an okay way to spend a couple hours…but only an okay one.
What Doesn’t Work: The only laughs in this thing are unintentional, like some truly awful CGI sequences. Just look at that brawl during a stampede or the climax on a train and try to tell me this isn’t some of the shittiest looking visual effects work you’ve ever seen. Plus, as I said before, this thing plays it a bit too straight given the ludicrous subject, which I’m actually not against on principal.
What I Would Have Done Differently: Why not make this a cult hit for the ages?