Beginning our day of “Unsatisfying Fantasy Films” is John Carter. Damn, can you believe this movie only came out a month ago? It feels a year ago seeing as how much negative press has been written about it being a box office flop. It seems all people care about is whether or not a movie makes any money, but what kind of enjoyment does that really have on the film you’re watching? I guess everyone wants to be considered “popular” so they want to watch the movie everyone else is watching, but I’d prefer to judge a movie solely based on what’s on the screen. Unfortunately for John Carter, that ain’t so great either…
What Works: Well, uhhh…Lynn Collins looks pretty great as the movie’s requisite sci-fi babe. And, uhhh…there are a handful of funny moments. And, well…ummm…Okay, so the movie isn’t terrible like maybe you’ve been hearing, so that’s the good news…
What Doesn’t Work: The not-so-good news is that it is pretty bad. I just can’t recommend this movie since there’s just too strong a whiff of been there-done that. Sure, Edgar Rich Burrough’s John Carter of Mars was actually waaaay ahead of any movie that’s ripped it off since, but there’s no denying that this movie will look too familiar to anyone who’s seen Star Wars or Avatar or pretty much any movie set on a different planet. It’s not fair that the original source all those movies borrowed from is now dated, but it is the reality.
What I Would Have Done Differently: I’ll bet there are dozens of Disney executives who now wished they’d done pretty much ANYthing differently, starting with making two Pixar films for the cost of this one flop.