As pretty much everyone knows, this Friday’s Mega Millions drawing is at a record amount of 500 million dollars, or a “half a billion” if you want it to sound even more impressive. That’s not merely a lottery winning pot to make people salivate. No, that’s Tom Cruise money right there, and enough to buy, well…pretty much anything.
Note: What’s one of the last five states that doesn’t participate in Mega Millions, and the ONLY state in the country that doesn’t have some other form of gambling or lottery? You guessed it, Alabama, but we’ll talk about that a little more on Sunday.
Right now I just want to fantasize about winning such a hefty, life-changing amount of money. Let’s be honest, a deal that big isn’t just life-changing, it’s world changing.
Just imagine the scene: It’s Friday night or Saturday morning and you go to your computer—-the thing usually only bringing you news of what your friends did the night before via Facebook or inane feuds amongst reality stars—-and check your ticket numbers, and against all odds and common logic, you…actually…won.
After perhaps changing your pants, the first thing you might do is just stare at the screen for a good chunk of time. A screen that’s telling you that you will never have to work a job you hate or drive a car that’s falling apart or worry about bills or stress about health insurance coverage or pull your hair out about getting your kids into college. You will not only no longer have all the basic problems you’ve had your entire life, but you’ll now exist in a world thirty feet above that world.
You’ll occupy a world of what’s commonly referred to as “rich people problems.” Problems that only rich people think are real problems because they’ll never be busy worrying about food/shelter/health. You will now have enough money to pay the tuition of every undergraduate at Harvard for a year or buy one quarter of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Although I hope you’ll find better ways to spend it than that, and I really hope the winner isn’t a 95 year old lady who’s going to leave it all to her church or cat when she dies in three months. [There haven’t been too many young lottery winners, but if ever there was a time for a young person to win it, it’s now.]
But I’m curious to know what you readers would do with it? Perhaps buy a few congressmen (freeing them from campaign contributions by health insurance companies) so universal health care finally gets passed? Develop a couple dozen start-up companies? Blow it all in a whirlwind, one-person “stimulus package” for the economy? Or perhaps buy a few hundred thousand Alabama Liberal t-shirts which you can find an ad for on the right hand side of the page? Hey, a guy can always dream…
I would say three words two times, “I fucking quit,” because I work two jobs.