Of all the presidential candidates this year or the last fifty years, I don’t think there’s been a single one to be mocked as extensively as Michelle Bachmann (keep in mind that Sarah Palin isn’t actually a candidate for anything but media whore). And sure, I don’t think much of her myself, which is the nicest way possible to say I think she’s that rare combination of complete joke and dangerous lunatic. She’s dogmatically religious, extremely homophobic, and believes in taking us back to the dark ages both economically and culturally.
And then there’s the matter of her personality. She’s wild eyed and often times during debates stares off into space like a Manchurian Candidate waiting to be told how next to perform. There’s a slightly robotic tone to Bachmann and passivity to even her fieriest rhetoric that might suggest she truly is a robot, a Stepford Wife running for the highest office in the land. Still, if she truly was a Stepford Wife, then the person pulling her strings probably isn’t Marcus Fabulous Bachmann. The person putting her up to running would more likely be Rick Perry.
Now of course, I don’t literally think that he told her to run. I just think he couldn’t have asked for a better foil in the process. See, Bachmann is the kind of lightening rod for liberal scorn that actually lets Perry look somewhat moderate by comparison. In fact, as little as two weeks ago most commentators all but said that. They would say that Perry has the potential to win over a conservative base in a way Romney can’t (probably true) and win over independents in a way Bachmann can’t (hell, I hope not).
Bachmann’s mere presence on the campaign trail makes Perry look more legitimate. If he says Social Security is a “Ponzi Scheme,” she’s there to say gay people are really barbarians. If he falsely touts a record of job creation in Texas, before the news media can even call him out on it, Bachmann’s there to tout her record of promoting “The Lightbulb Freedom of Choice Act” a bill that literally advocates for the use of more inefficient lightbulbs. She’s the full on loon tat to his half crazy tit, and she does nothing but distract liberals from who their real target should be: Bachmann, ohhhhh, she got me too, I meant Perry.
Because see Michelle Bachmann has no shot at winning that nomination. NONE. There hasn’t been a representative turned president in more than a century and she won’t be the first or even the first to secure her party’s nomination (she routinely polls behind Ron Paul and sometimes behind…oh God, Sarah Palin). So I don’t think the Governor from Texas has anything to worry about, but the American people do. Every time a liberal posts a facebook status ranting about Bachmann, they’re taking the heat off the real threat, Perry. Even more, every time a Republican primary voter goes with Perry over Bachmann because he’s “more moderate” they’re setting up a truly scary situation where this less intelligent, inarguably crazier version of George W. Bush takes the White House. And since I truly believe that he’s crazier than Bachmann (there’s a darkness behind this guy’s eyes that looks like he might have killed neighborhood cats as a boy) but more experienced at hiding it, it’s now time to stop fishing for red herrings and go after the guy that was always the biggest shark out there: Perry.
great post