Larger Editorial: For All His Bluster, Chris Christie Is Really Just Another Cowardly Politician

So for the past three years—-doesn’t it feel like Christie’s been on the scene a lot longer than that?—-we’ve all fallen for the “story” of current New Jersey Governor and lifetime fat fuck Chris Christie. How he’s basically Tony Soprano without a gun (that we know of). How he’s brash, bold, tough, and, say it with me now, “not your typical politician.” The basic hype is that as Christie has gone about ruining the state of New Jersey even further (what is it with once-blue states like this and Wisconsin electing dip shit rightwing governors that hate unions?) he’s proven himself the anti-Romney. Which is to say he’s a politician with a spine.

Well, all that was bullshit. It turns out that Christie is only tough on unions asking to keep what they’ve already earned (it’s funny that Republicans want millionaires to keep all their wages in taxes but don’t mind squeezing unionized jobs for every wage cut they can muster) and female reporters asking him if he believes in Evolution. [For those that missed that jewel of an exchange, Christie told her it was “None of her business” in a way that sounded a lot like “It’s none of your fucking business.”]

This week, New Jersey’s state legislature passed the bill allowing same-sex marriage in New Jersey. Which means that New Jersey would have become the 8th state to allow it, and the second state to allow it this week after Washington passed their same sex bill. However, the big difference between Washington and New Jersey—-and I’ll let people make their own Jersey jokes here to show the thousand ways Washington is nothing like it—-is that they have a Democrat Governor who signed her bill into law. Jersey has Chris Christie, who said he would veto the bill immediately.

Now, is this because Christie is a secret-Santorum style Republican who is totally against gay marriage? He won’t say that. So…then Christie really is for same-sex marriage and he’ll sign the bill? Hell no. So what’s he going to do? He’s going to veto the bill, killing it in the short-term but under the chicken shit defense that “The voters should decide,” and put it on a ballot. That way, he can dodge a Tea Party bullet by not signing the legislation he is effectively killing. But he won’t seem intolerant to the people of New Jersey, who, you know, actually voted for him.

It’s all to set up a pretty obvious presidential campaign in 2016 when he doesn’t want his party’s base to use it against him or the general electorate who will be pro-same sex marriage by the time that race rolls around and half the country has legalized it. But what Christie is doing is despicable. He’s taking something the legislature wants and the people of his state want, vetoing it, and asking gay people to wait even longer to get something that shouldn’t have taken this long. AND something that wouldn’t be taking another day if it weren’t for Christie. So, I hope the voters remember what a coward he’s been on this, and once and for all debunk the notion that Christie is anything but another politician.